Redhead14 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 It's OK to want daily communication -- it's about WHY you want/need that . . .
clia Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I personally never saw the need to start talking daily to a person I just met. I think it's bizarre. I also found the "Good morning" and "Have a great day" texts annoying. To me, that's easy filler. It doesn't mean jack about how much a guy likes you. In thirty seconds a guy could text "Good morning" to multiple girls. What I think is important is that you keep making plans to see her in person. When you keep asking her out on dates, she will know you are interested. That means more than trying to fill space with texts. Touching base every 2-3 days is fine in the beginning stages of dating. 6
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) I beg to differ and it's a bit offensive for a lot of women out there. I am the type of woman that likes a daily text or call. Not anything elaborate just a basic touch. I am far from being insecure I just know myself, ---- ***I know what I like and I know what I want in a relationship. *** The operative word in the last sentence is *relationship*. Yes in a *relationship* a quick text every day saying hi or miss you is fine.. my ex would often randomly text me simply saying "miss you," and I would respond back "miss you too"! But the OP is not in a *relationship*. They just started dating, that's the difference. In the beginning, leave some space in between so you can wonder about each other a bit...and miss each other. It increases attraction. As you continue dating and grower closer, that space decreases. But OP, right now you are doing it just right IMO. Edited February 16, 2016 by katiegrl 3
smudge21 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 This thread has raised some good points. I never really thought about that some women may just like to receive a message, no matter what it says. I always thought that it needed to have a point, a reason. I've done the whole "good morning" and "how are you" but then added an extra line as if to justify the contact. Also my current "friend" sometimes goes quiet for a few days and I do the same. No big thing really (although it was noticeable at first when it went from all day text to that) but when I go quiet, she'll get in touch to ask why and if I'm okay. I often think she's wanting me to text whether or not she replies, like it's totally down to me to keep that going. We're friends, close friends, not lovers or anything, so my take on it should be 50/50. I long for the good ol' days when the only contact was by a phone call until you met up... or a letter... or carrier pigeon.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 The operative word in the last sentence is *relationship*. Yes in a *relationship* a quick text saying hi or miss you every day is fine.. my ex would often randomly text me simply saying "miss you," and I would respond back "miss you too"! But the OP is not in a *relationship*. They just started dating, that's the difference? In the beginning, leave some space in between so you can wonder about each other a bit...and miss each other. It increases attraction. As you continue dating and grower closer, that space decreases. But OP, right now you are doing it just right IMO. Yes there is a difference at the beginning that is why I told him to : * Not only text to set up a date, after a few weeks it sends the wrong message like she's just a filler for Friday evening. * And I told him it's ok to not text every day but to not skip more than 2 days with no communication as most women will interpret this as a lack of interest on his part. Each time we have a thread about daily communication it derails always about the same subject. NO it's not about having a 2 h phone conversation every day, it's about showing his interest, touching base, not too much to turn her off but often enough to show his interest. Also, if you have regular rapport with someone you are in a type of relationship. It's not an exclusive relationship, or a serious relationship, it's a casual relationship, it's still a type of relationship. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 The operative word in the last sentence is *relationship*. Yes in a *relationship* a quick text every day saying hi or miss you is fine.. my ex would often randomly text me simply saying "miss you," and I would respond back "miss you too"! But the OP is not in a *relationship*. They just started dating, that's the difference. In the beginning, leave some space in between so you can wonder about each other a bit...and miss each other. It increases attraction. As you continue dating and grower closer, that space decreases. But OP, right now you are doing it just right IMO. Exactly, it's about "where" you are in the development of a relationship -- Expecting things to happen that would normally/naturally happen in the later stages of a dating scenario. Sometimes people get ahead of where they actually are. A few dates, and sometimes one person feels like it's a "relationship" already. 2
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Yes there is a difference at the beginning that is why I told him to : * Not only text to set up a date, after a few weeks it sends the wrong message like she's just a filler for Friday evening. * And I told him it's ok to not text every day but to not skip more than 2 days with no communication as most women will interpret this as a lack of interest on his part. Each time we have a thread about daily communication it derails always about the same subject. NO it's not about having a 2 h phone conversation every day, it's about showing his interest, touching base, not too much to turn her off but often enough to show his interest. Also, if you have regular rapport with someone you are in a type of relationship. It's not an exclusive relationship, or a serious relationship, it's a casual relationship, it's still a type of relationship. I agree, but to be fair, I think on a message board discussing *dating, love and relationships* it's safe to assume when people refer to *relationship*, they are referring to an exclusive romantic relationship, leading to commitment ..... not a casual arrangement. Unless they clarify otherwise.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I completely agree. The main reason I text her is to set up plans on meeting up. Anything else to me is "forced" lack for a better term. Tell me about yourself in person, not over the phone. To me, that's a fatal mistake men make. He's only contacting her to set up meetings. We had many threads about this and all of them ended with the man not being that much interested in escalating the relationship. I would like to know from OP how often they have dates? and how many dates they have been on?
Toodaloo Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Drummer. In the getting to know you stage if a guy has not been in contact within a couple of days I assume that he is not all that bothered and move on. Thing is. For me to invest my time and emotions I need to know that it is reciprocated. It doesn't need to be much. Could be just a "Saw this and thought of you" or a "Hey such and such a band are playing next week - want to go?". Too little and I will back off and start seeing other guys... Just the way it is. 1
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) To me, that's a fatal mistake men make. He's only contacting her to set up meetings. We had many threads about this and all of them ended with the man not being that much interested in escalating the relationship. I would like to know from OP how often they have dates? and how many dates they have been on? And I agree with this too. As Gaeta said in earlier post, it is a mistake to go longer than 48 hours without touching base. In the very early stages, most women will simply lose the connection if they don't hear from a guy for 3+ days. No we are not fickle, feelings are fluid in these early stages, that's all. Again, not talking about a prolonged substantive conversation. Just a quick text letting her know you are thinking of her. That's it. Every third day would be enough for me and most women. It's giving her enough space to wonder about you and miss you, but not too long that she would lose the connection. Edited February 16, 2016 by katiegrl 2
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 l tried 2 times to ask OP what type of dating it is and it's like pulling teeth. Gaeta, early on in this thread, he said "we are still at the getting to know you" stage.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Gaeta, early on in this thread, he said "we are still at the getting to know you" stage. That means nothing to me. People can spend 3 days a week together and consider it the getting to know each other. Others will have 2 dates a month only. It's too vague for an answer.
fitnessfan365 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 it's about showing his interest, That's what he's doing when he's planning dates. I mean let's say a guy is planning regular dates with a woman. Yet she still questions his "interest" level because she isn't getting some generic one line text every day. Isn't that more of an indicator of her insecurity issues? As someone already said, it comes off like a backhanded way of her keeping tabs. 4
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 That means nothing to me. People can spend 3 days a week together and consider it the getting to know each other. Others will have 2 dates a month only. It's too vague for an answer. Fair enough, but to me, the gist of his posts imply they don't see each other often. In fact I was wondering if they had ever even met in person, until he wrote "yes, we've met." So I gather at this point, they are not in a *relationship* ....they have just started dating, maybe one or two dates. OP, can you clarify please?
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Fair enough, but to me, the gist of his posts imply they don't see each other often. In fact I was wondering if they had ever even met in person, until he wrote "yes, we've met." So I gather at this point, they are not in a *relationship* ....they have just started dating, maybe one or two dates. OP, can you clarify please? Go back to first page, see how he avoids my first direct question about how often they see each other, then see how he ask why it's relevant, then when I ask him again how often they see each other I still don't get an answer but a general 'we're at the stage of getting to know each other'. I don't think they met at all. Or if they did meet I don't think they met more than once. His answers are too vague and he is being secretive, I wouldn't be surprised it's a long distance thing or an online romance. 1
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 That's what he's doing when he's planning dates. I mean let's say a guy is planning regular dates with a woman. Yet she still questions his "interest" level because she isn't getting some generic one line text every day. Isn't that more of an indicator of her insecurity issues? As someone already said, it comes off like a backhanded way of her keeping tabs. Even you know best than to not communicate with a woman between dates. Why are we talking about her insecurities? She is not being mentioned at all in this thread. OP asked if he had to contact her each day, we said NO but don't make the mistake of only contacting her once a week to set up dates.
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 That's what he's doing when he's planning dates. I mean let's say a guy is planning regular dates with a woman. Yet she still questions his "interest" level because she isn't getting some generic one line text every day. Isn't that more of an indicator of her insecurity issues? As someone already said, it comes off like a backhanded way of her keeping tabs. How often is he planning dates though? Once a week? For me, it is not so much that I think he's lost interest, if a guy is only contacting me once a week to plan a date, I will simply lose the connection. Most women need to feel *connected* FF, you should know this. Many men think women are fickle, but as I said earlier, that's not it. Our feelings are fluid in the very early stages. We can feel connected easily, and then lose that connection just as quick, if a man is only touching base once a week to plan a date. And as you know, I am one of those women who need a lot of *space*, but even I will lose the connection early on if I am only hearing from him to plan a date, once a week, or sometimes longer even. One date a week is fine for me in the beginning, but hell I still like (and need) him to touch base every 2-3 days. Real quick, just to let me know I am in his thoughts, and vice versa. 1
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Go back to first page, see how he avoids my first direct question about how often they see each other, then see how he ask why it's relevant, then when I ask him again how often they see each other I still don't get an answer but a general 'we're at the stage of getting to know each other'. I don't think they met at all. Or if they did meet I don't think they met more than once. His answers are too vague and he is being secretive, I wouldn't be surprised it's a long distance thing or an online romance. Bingo! I don't think they have met in person either...and is too embarrassed to admit that. Otherwise he would have answered your question! :) 1
fitnessfan365 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 How often is he planning dates though? Once a week? For me, it is not so much that I think he's lost interest, if a guy is only contacting me once a week to plan a date, I will simply lose the connection. Most women need to feel *connected* FF, you should know this. Many men think women are fickle, but as I said earlier, that's not it. Our feelings are fluid in the very early stages. We can feel connected easily, and then lose that connection just as quick, if a man is only touching base once a week to plan a date. And as you know, I am one of those women who need a lot of *space*, but even I will lose the connection early on if I am only hearing from him to plan a date, once a week, or sometimes longer even. One date a week is fine for me in the beginning, but hell I still like (and need) him to touch base every 2-3 days. Real quick, just to let me know I am in his thoughts, and vice versa. My original post which you liked : Daily communication should be saved for serious relationships IMO. In the beginning stages especially, I think it's completely cool if you touch base every few days and focus mainly on planning dates. Then as you spend more time together and get to know each other more, you'll want to talk more often. Since women are more emotionally driven and value connection I agree with you. But as I said before, the type of communication and frequency depends on how long you've known the person. Based on what the OP said, you got the same impression as me that this is the beginning stages. So I personally wouldn't act like a "boyfriend" sending daily filler texts like Gaeta is suggesting. Touching base a few times per week (every 2-3 days) and being consistent w/date planning is plenty IMO. I mean if I am touching base a few times per week and setting up a few dates per week, yet she is still questioning my interest, than that's her own insecurity. But as it starts to get more serious and we're thinking about each other more, then of course I am all for sweet texts. Just not right away..LOL 3
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 OP, is this the girl from February 1st? Did you get that second date that was planned on the following Friday? Have you seen her since?
Author iDrumKing Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Bingo! I don't think they have met in person either...and is too embarrassed to admit that. Otherwise he would have answered your question! :) Sorry for being MIA in my own post. Let me try to clear the air on a few things. In regards to the frequency of seeing each other, I would say that we see each other pretty often when she and I get done with our daily jobs. We may go 2-3 days apart but other than that it's a healthy amount I believe. Like I said before we are still getting to know each other and don't want to be pressured in labeling the two of us as anything yet. I'd say we text/call when we actually have something to say to each other. When we talk in person we cover so much and it feels weird to try to continue it over the phone when in person it's so much more rich. I just feel weird when having to send a quick text to "let her know" I'm thinking about her. It should be understood no? Regardless I appreciate everyone's input .
clia Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I don't understand why you're being so vague. You met her two weeks ago. How many times have you been on a date with her since then? Three? Four? Six?
Toodaloo Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 In regards to the frequency of seeing each other, I would say that we see each other pretty often when she and I get done with our daily jobs. We may go 2-3 days apart but other than that it's a healthy amount I believe. Like I said before we are still getting to know each other and don't want to be pressured in labeling the two of us as anything yet. Thats all good. Don't worry about that. I'd say we text/call when we actually have something to say to each other. When we talk in person we cover so much and it feels weird to try to continue it over the phone when in person it's so much more rich. Correct... but... I just feel weird when having to send a quick text to "let her know" I'm thinking about her. It should be understood no? No it is not understood because she doesn't know you and to put it in plain English. If a guy isn't talking or communicating between dates I assume he just wants to get laid and can't be bothered to put the effort in. You don't have to do anything you don't want to but if you want her to feel as though you are into her a quick howdy each day will make her feel wanted and special. Without it she will be back on line searching for the one...
Author iDrumKing Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 I don't understand why you're being so vague. You met her two weeks ago. How many times have you been on a date with her since then? Three? Four? Six? Its been two weeks. I told you guys we see each other often. Why does it have to be a "date" to talk to one another? We could sit on a couch and get to know one another, why does it have to be subjected to the number of dates? But if you guys think the number helps we've been on 2.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Sorry for being MIA in my own post. Let me try to clear the air on a few things. In regards to the frequency of seeing each other, I would say that we see each other pretty often when she and I get done with our daily jobs. We may go 2-3 days apart but other than that it's a healthy amount I believe. So considering there is 7 days in a week you are at least seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week? I'd say we text/call when we actually have something to say to each other. When we talk in person we cover so much and it feels weird to try to continue it over the phone when in person it's so much more rich. I just feel weird when having to send a quick text to "let her know" I'm thinking about her. It should be understood no? Regardless I appreciate everyone's input . If you see each other 2 and 3 times a week then no need to text each day if you're not official and not the type that requires daily touching base. Is she wanting daily contact? Is she initiating contact? I don't think you have a problem. Are you looking for a problem? lol cause I can find you one ;-)
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