iDrumKing Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 This is somewhat of a follow up to a previous question I posted a few weeks back. I've been talking to this girl and we seem to hit it off very well. We've both made it apparent that we like each other a lot but still want to take things day by day so that there's no pressure in entering something (relationship) that we aren't ready for. So the pacing of things is great. With that said, sometimes I don't have really anything to talk about and decide to not contact her for the day. There's honestly no motif behind it. Is that strange? I don't want to send the wrong signal that I'm disinterested or I'm playing games.
shyguy3543 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I think that's okay. I think it varies from person to person. The girl I'm dating right now seems to be okay with us not talking for a day or two. If we get to the point of a relationship, it'll probably involve daily communication, but yeah, I think it's okay to just be dating and not communicate every day. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I value quality over quantity but in the age of texting & people glued to their phones some people will be upset if you don't at least shoot them a quick text hello every day. You have to pick the amount of contact that makes you happy 5
fitnessfan365 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Daily communication should be saved for serious relationships IMO. In the beginning stages especially, I think it's completely cool if you touch base every few days and focus mainly on planning dates. Then as you spend more time together and get to know each other more, you'll want to talk more often. 6
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I don't understand you've been 'talking' to a girl. Did you meet? Do you get together? What is 'talking'?
Author iDrumKing Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 I don't understand you've been 'talking' to a girl. Did you meet? Do you get together? What is 'talking'? We're still in the stage of getting to know each other.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 We're still in the stage of getting to know each other. That is not answering my question. Have you met face to face? How many times?
Author iDrumKing Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 That is not answering my question. Have you met face to face? How many times? Yes we have but I'm not sure how that would affect how much I communicate with her.
Author iDrumKing Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Daily communication should be saved for serious relationships IMO. In the beginning stages especially, I think it's completely cool if you touch base every few days and focus mainly on planning dates. Then as you spend more time together and get to know each other more, you'll want to talk more often. I completely agree. The main reason I text her is to set up plans on meeting up. Anything else to me is "forced" lack for a better term. Tell me about yourself in person, not over the phone.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Yes we have but I'm not sure how that would affect how much I communicate with her. Of course it affects how much you will communicate with each other. More you see each other more you'll become familiar and have things to talk about. If you've seen her only 2 or 3 times it's normal to not have much to say to each other and to skip a day or 2 of texting. When you'll have seen her 30 times you'll know much more about her, you'll have inside jokes together, you'll see things on your way to work that will remind you of her and you'll text a funny joke about it, etc. 3
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I completely agree. The main reason I text her is to set up plans on meeting up. Anything else to me is "forced" lack for a better term. Tell me about yourself in person, not over the phone. Well, take the advice of a woman. You don't text a lady for yourself. Men don't have much joy in texting. You text a lady because you know she likes it. You may think texting 'Wish you a good day today' is stupid and useless communication but I assure you very few women consider this useless. We love random messages that indicates you are thinking of us, no need to start a conversation, just a small thought will make our day. 6
Author iDrumKing Posted February 16, 2016 Author Posted February 16, 2016 Well, take the advice of a woman. You don't text a lady for yourself. Men don't have much joy in texting. You text a lady because you know she likes it. You may think texting 'Wish you a good day today' is stupid and useless communication but I assure you very few women consider this useless. We love random messages that indicates you are thinking of us, no need to start a conversation, just a small thought will make our day. That's a really good point. At what point is it "too much"? Should it ever be the other way around?
AMJ Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 That's a really good point. At what point is it "too much"? Should it ever be the other way around? Too much is like a guy I dated who had a really boring job- he admitted this- and would send me paragraph long texts all day long. I was in grad school full time and working 30 hours/week, and had zero time in the middle of the day to respond to his super long texts. I tried to tell him this, and he got offended and didn't really listen to me, he'd keep texting me all the time. I suggested we chat for 30 minutes while I drove home from work, but he didn't like that idea either. Needless to say this was all draining in the really early stages of dating, so I cut him loose pretty quickly. You might be overthinking this a little bit. Generally, if you want to talk to her, you should talk to her. And pay attention to how often she initiates contact with you. It should be reciprocal, and she should reach out to you almost as much as you reach out to her, in my opinion.
hippychick3 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 In the beginning stages, it was the guys who texted daily who stood out to me. I actually lost interest in the guys who didn't. I interpreted the daily texts as interest, and if I liked them to begin with, their interest only increased mine. Even just a "good morning," "hope you had a good day," or "just thinking of you" goes a loooong way. It may not be everyone's thoughts. But that is how I am and, I suspect, how many others are as well. 5
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 That's a really good point. At what point is it "too much"? Should it ever be the other way around? It depends on your both your personalities, how many times you meet like is it 2 or more times a week, do you multi date, etc. The important would be that you don't only communicate with her once a week to set up a date. We hate that. There are several threads on here about men only contacting women to set up a date and after a couple of weeks that makes the woman feel she's just a filler for Friday evening and nothing more. Texting every day may be too much, not all women like daily contact at the beginning. I would definitely advice to not let more than 48 hours go by without a communication. This is when we get all jumpy and wonder about your interest. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 Well, take the advice of a woman. You don't text a lady for yourself. Men don't have much joy in texting. You text a lady because you know she likes it. You may think texting 'Wish you a good day today' is stupid and useless communication but I assure you very few women consider this useless. We love random messages that indicates you are thinking of us, no need to start a conversation, just a small thought will make our day. I don't know Gaeta. I think it depends on perspective and the situation. Let's say it's a woman a guy has been seeing at least 1-2 months, gotten romantic with, etc.. Chances are she's thinking about him, so yes her appreciating a sweet text makes total sense. But then take the OP's situation. Based on what he's said they don't really know each other that well, have probably only had 1-2 dates tops, etc.. So it seems a bit unlikely that a sweet text in his case would have much of an impact. I think part of the problem these days is people want to try and act relationship like WAY too early on. There's no need to do sweet "boyfriend" type stuff with a woman you don't even know IMO. But take that same woman who's been seeing the guy longer/more invested and a sweet text rocks her world. 1
GemmaUK Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 For me you're doing everything right OP. I don't need nor want daily texts and I find 'good morning/night' texts predictable and meaningless. Save conversations for face to face meetings. 3
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I don't know Gaeta. I think it depends on perspective and the situation. Let's say it's a woman a guy has been seeing at least 1-2 months, gotten romantic with, etc.. Chances are she's thinking about him, so yes her appreciating a sweet text makes total sense. But then take the OP's situation. Based on what he's said they don't really know each other that well, have probably only had 1-2 dates tops, etc.. So it seems a bit unlikely that a sweet text in his case would have much of an impact. I think part of the problem these days is people want to try and act relationship like WAY too early on. There's no need to do sweet "boyfriend" type stuff with a woman you don't even know IMO. But take that same woman who's been seeing the guy longer/more invested and a sweet text rocks her world. l tried 2 times to ask OP what type of dating it is and it's like pulling teeth.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 For me you're doing everything right OP. I don't need nor want daily texts and I find 'good morning/night' texts predictable and meaningless. Save conversations for face to face meetings. You are a rare exception for a woman and communication. 90% of women will judge a man's interest on his consistancy with communication. Just look on here what women in general have to say about it. It's dangerous to advice a man to act aloof with a woman he is interesred in 1
Jejangles Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I think part of the problem these days is people want to try and act relationship like WAY too early on. There's no need to do sweet "boyfriend" type stuff with a woman you don't even know IMO. But take that same woman who's been seeing the guy longer/more invested and a sweet text rocks her world. I totally agree with this (and am currently living it). I have been dating a guy for about 6 weeks, and initially we just texted to make plans then day of to confirm we were still on. This totally worked for me - I was multi dating, and a little unsure how serious I wanted to get. Now we have ramped things up, just recently became exclusive and after an amazing week-end are more emotionally intimate. And our texting has followed that closeness. Now we want to stay in touch, and share our everyday activities and basically keep the chemistry we feel in person running when we are apart. Whereas before, a text from him didn't make much of an impact on my day, now it seems adorable and puts a smile on my face. So yeah - I don't think you need to text all that much in the early days, but it should follow the relationship. If things are moving forward naturally, you won't need to over think it anyway. It will just work. 2
Redhead14 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I value quality over quantity but in the age of texting & people glued to their phones some people will be upset if you don't at least shoot them a quick text hello every day. You have to pick the amount of contact that makes you happy I agree with this entirely. If you have good, quality, informative communication when you are together, there isn't a whole lot to say everyday in a phone call even in an established relationship. The whole good morning, good night thing every day gets old too. If someone is needing communication every single day, it's usually because they are insecure. My SO talk/communicate very well when we are together which is about every other day, so if a day or two does go by, fine. We talk about our plans for the week for ourselves, so we just kinda know what's going on anyway. If there's something interesting that comes up, we give each other a call to tell about it, otherwise, we catch up when we see each other. In the very early stages, it's good to keep a little space in between anyway. You want to keep things interesting on the dates. If you're doing so much talking in between, the dates get kinda "dry" sometimes. If you're dating a woman who needs daily communication and you want to do that for her, great. But if she's insecure and trying to cling to you, that's another story. In the beginning a couple of nice texts each day is fine, but not whole conversations by text. A phone call in between all of that is best. Once the relationship has legs, daily communication shouldn't be necessary. If that's what you both like, great. It's about each other's communication style/needs. As you get to know each other, you'll be able to observe/talk about habits and get on the same page.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 The whole good morning, good night thing every day gets old too. If someone is needing communication every single day, it's usually because they are insecure. I beg to differ and it's a bit offensive for a lot of women out there. I am the type of woman that likes a daily text or call. Not anything elaborate just a basic touch. I am far from being insecure I just know myself, I know what I like and I know what I want in a relationship. Some women want a weekend boyfriend and nothing more. Some women want a little more fusion in their love life and it doesn't make them insecure. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 I beg to differ and it's a bit offensive for a lot of women out there. I am the type of woman that likes a daily text or call. Not anything elaborate just a basic touch. I am far from being insecure I just know myself, I know what I like and I know what I want in a relationship. Some women want a weekend boyfriend and nothing more. Some women want a little more fusion in their love life and it doesn't make them insecure. I did say it was a matter of understanding each other's communication needs and styles and whether or not the other wants to meet the other persons needs. Not every woman is insecure, but if it feels like she's being clingy and simply just wanting to keep tabs on the guy, it's another story. 2
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 In the very early stages, it's good to keep a little space in between anyway. You want to keep things interesting on the dates. If you're doing so much talking in between, the dates get kinda "dry" sometimes. I agree with that, and that's why I have been trying to identify what type of relationship they have, how often they see each other, etc but OP is not giving any details, he's quite being secretive. And I don't think OP was referring to <talking> between dates. I understood it as touching base between dates. You know most women hate a man that only calls Thursday to set up a date for Friday and nothing till the following Thursday. There is a need for this to escalate at some point.
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