ly399 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 My bf and I have been dating for 3 months. We met online, only see each other once a week because of his crazy work schedule. He kept me at arm's length, I care about him but I don't see us long term. He's very dominating, anything I suggest is deemed 'wrong'. Shall I just let him be and move on with my life? Or call him and leave a breakup message? Recently, we had some misunderstanding/trust issues. Rather than nicely talk it out, he decided to ignore my texts for a week. We haven't seen/talked to each other for weeks. Last week, I finally reached out to him stating it's really hurtful to go silent. He then told me he needs time to think and was very busy with work. I tried to talk things out on the phone, but he got upset, basically yelled and hung up on me. I don't understand why he didn't just break up with me right there, he insisted that he will inform me when he make up his mind. How long does it take to think about if you like someone or not? I'm a pretty loyal person, it's my natural tendency to fix the relationship. Even though deep down I know this relationship is not worth saving. I'm always the one getting dumped in my past relationships, I don't know how to break free from a guy. 1
makemineamac Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 You can also make this decision. Do it now. Call him and tell him it;s over. You deserve better than this right? Forn och DO the dumping. And do it now! 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I think you're already single, OP. He doesn't seem interested in carrying on the relationship - and thank God for that! He sounds horrible. Don't wait around one more second. Call him and tell him you're breaking up with him. He will probably throw a tantrum because he's controlling and he wants to be the one who calls the shots. Don't fall for it. He's a jerk and not worth your time. At all. 1
Satu Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I wouldn't give him the time of day. He sounds like a nasty piece of work. You can do better.
Zahara Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 He kept me at arm's length I don't see us long term He's very dominating Anything I suggest is deemed 'wrong' Ignore texts for a week I tried to talk things out on the phone, but he got upset, basically yelled and hung up on me All this in just 3 months. You're right. Hardly a future when you're already experiencing so much strife. Shall I just let him be and move on with my life? Or call him and leave a breakup message? Let him be and move on. It seems he doesn't really care whether he loses you or not -- leaving you sitting there for a week while he decides your fate? No, you decide your own fate. I don't understand why he didn't just break up with me right there, he insisted that he will inform me when he make up his mind. How long does it take to think about if you like someone or not? The question is -- why don't you end it? Doesn't sound like he likes you very much if a guy treats you like that. I'm a pretty loyal person, it's my natural tendency to fix the relationship. Even though deep down I know this relationship is not worth saving. I'm always the one getting dumped in my past relationships, I don't know how to break free from a guy. It's one thing to be loyal and fix a relationship if both parties are willing to fix it. Loyalty has nothing to do with a person tolerating BS just for the sake of clinging to a bad relationship due to codependency.
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 ..... I don't know how to break free from a guy. Here's how: You block his number on your 'phone, and make sure you have a textblocker app installed too. Then, you delete his number, block him completely on facebook, and any other type of medium you might connect through (whatsapp, twitter) delete his email address, and block incoming emails, and make sure, if you live in different places, that he cannot gain access (should he have a key). You then read the NC Guide in my signature. Although, technically speaking, you might be termed the 'dumper' he has placed you in an untenable and unenviable position of having no option but to take action, because he is a controlling manipulative bully. Take charge of your life, and fling the flaky 'friend'. Because he's Schmoreal. Sooo NOT worth it.
Author ly399 Posted February 19, 2016 Author Posted February 19, 2016 The question is -- why don't you end it? Doesn't sound like he likes you very much if a guy treats you like that. It's one thing to be loyal and fix a relationship if both parties are willing to fix it. Loyalty has nothing to do with a person tolerating BS just for the sake of clinging to a bad relationship due to codependency. Thanks for the insight, the last quote really sums up what I need. The reason he and I are not working out is because of trust issues. Part of me really want to prove my loyalty to him by being patient and forgiving with his false accusation. But I agree even if he decided to continue (unlikely event), we are just dragging a unhealthy relationship longer and extend the hurt.
Zahara Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 Thanks for the insight, the last quote really sums up what I need. The reason he and I are not working out is because of trust issues. Part of me really want to prove my loyalty to him by being patient and forgiving with his false accusation. But I agree even if he decided to continue (unlikely event), we are just dragging a unhealthy relationship longer and extend the hurt. What were the trust issues about?
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 You already know he's not the one for you. You said so. So what exactly are you being loyal to? Your 1st duty is to be loyal to yourself. I'd tell him you are breaking up but that is just me . I like definititive statements. And while I'm not a fan of texting, here I think it's OK. Something along the lines of: Upon further reflection, while you were taking the time to "think" about our relationship, I have decided that this is not working for me. Good bye. The fade has merits too. After his awful behavior you certainly under no obligation to be courteous to him.
kztar Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 set yourself FREE. Stop wasting your time, its still early it's only been three months. Nothing long term, so I would drop that like a bad habit. Things are easy to drop at first but after LTR it becomes so much harder. I would say screw that NOWWWW
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