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I feel he is being distant after the first date ?

Aisling.25

By Aisling.25
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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

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I was getting along great with this guy texting all day for the past week.We went on our first date the other day and we hit it off well I think we did. So the next day he only text me once I replied to his message but he never replied and wasn't online on the message app. I kept seeing him pop up on Facebook every hour and it was annoying me.

 

So I woke up this morning till no text so I just said ''is everything ok '' he still wasn't online got no reply. So I saw he was online on fb so I asked '' did I do something to offend him and I thought we got along really well the other night ''

 

He messaged me back straight away saying he was in and out of sleep and now he was in work. He went straight to the other messages I sent and said he was only seeing them now. And asked jokingly was he in trouble. I just said no of course not if your busy your busy, I was just wondering what happened to you.

 

So he asked me a few questions about my day but same thing he decides to blank the last one. He is on Facebook constantly today and if he's that busy he wouldn't have time for it. I don't want to be one of those clingy girls cause I'm far from it but I always don't want to waste my time on someone that can't be bothered .

 

Im kind of a little confused because he made such an effort at the start and now after the first date it's like he couldn't be bothered.I got the feeling on the date he was intereste he was talking about future dates and made it clear that he deleted his tinder profile even tho I never asked. So I'm getting mixed signals everywhere.

 

 

I feel like he stopped making an effort after the first date maybe because he knows I like him. But I kind of feel like telling him to forget the whole thing. Any advice ? I'm trying to keep my cool and keep busy but it's really annoying me.

brokengirl85 Established Member

brokengirl85

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Sorry to say this but he's probably not attracted to you physically. Have you guys exchanged pictures before the date? We're your accurate?

 

Looks like he was expecting something different or he had another expectations and when he met you he got surprised, and it was not a good surprise. I'm sorry. Do not contact him anymore, he doesn't seem excited about you at this point but everything can change, who knows

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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

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Sorry to say this but he's probably not attracted to you physically. Have you guys exchanged pictures before the date? We're your accurate?

 

Looks like he was expecting something different or he had another expectations and when he met you he got surprised, and it was not a good surprise. I'm sorry. Do not contact him anymore, he doesn't seem excited about you at this point but everything can change, who knows

 

No he knew what I looked like before he met me and I don't look any different in person. All he did the night of our date was compliment me.

iphone_user1 Established Member

iphone_user1

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Go for the next boy. Run away from him as fast as you can. Do not ask any more questions.

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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

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Go for the next boy. Run away from him as fast as you can. Do not ask any more questions.

 

That's what my friends said I just really liked him. I thought he was a nice person.

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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Idk, that exchange on your part DID sound clingy, stalking, needy. Sorry. So what if you see that he's on social media.

 

You are very pretty and should have plenty of options--start acting like it. Even if your heart gets attached--don't let it so soon or don't let on that it is. I think if you meet some guy he builds up a fantasy of how amazing you are because you do look like a guys ideal but you have to make sure your personality and self-esteem match that. good luck

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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

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Idk, that exchange on your part DID sound clingy, stalking, needy. Sorry. So what if you see that he's on social media.

 

You are very pretty and should have plenty of options--start acting like it. Even if your heart gets attached--don't let it so soon or don't let on that it is. I think if you meet some guy he builds up a fantasy of how amazing you are because you do look like a guys ideal but you have to make sure your personality and self-esteem match that. good luck

 

I'll try thank you ?

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
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I was getting along great with this guy texting all day for the past week.We went on our first date the other day and we hit it off well I think we did. So the next day he only text me once I replied to his message but he never replied and wasn't online on the message app. I kept seeing him pop up on Facebook every hour and it was annoying me.

 

So I woke up this morning till no text so I just said ''is everything ok '' he still wasn't online got no reply. So I saw he was online on fb so I asked '' did I do something to offend him and I thought we got along really well the other night ''

 

He messaged me back straight away saying he was in and out of sleep and now he was in work. He went straight to the other messages I sent and said he was only seeing them now. And asked jokingly was he in trouble. I just said no of course not if your busy your busy, I was just wondering what happened to you.

 

So he asked me a few questions about my day but same thing he decides to blank the last one. He is on Facebook constantly today and if he's that busy he wouldn't have time for it. I don't want to be one of those clingy girls cause I'm far from it but I always don't want to waste my time on someone that can't be bothered .

 

Im kind of a little confused because he made such an effort at the start and now after the first date it's like he couldn't be bothered.I got the feeling on the date he was intereste he was talking about future dates and made it clear that he deleted his tinder profile even tho I never asked. So I'm getting mixed signals everywhere.

 

 

I feel like he stopped making an effort after the first date maybe because he knows I like him. But I kind of feel like telling him to forget the whole thing. Any advice ? I'm trying to keep my cool and keep busy but it's really annoying me.

 

You say you're not clingy, but your messages to him and tracking him down online demonstrate the opposite.

 

Rule of thumb: you send one message. If he doesn't reply, don't go looking for him. You hardly know him. He knows where and how to reach you.

 

I know it's frustrating when someone doesn't reply, but it's important not to jump to conclusions too soon. If a couple days pass with no communication, you can assume for whatever reason they're not interested and move along.

 

I think in this case, he just didn't feel it in person the same way you did. It happens. Unfortunately, your last messages to him probably didn't help. Just chalk it up to experience and keep your cool a bit more next time.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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You've only had one date with this guy so why are you so invested? Look at his actions not his words. His actions are screaming he's not interested. Do not send him any more messages and if he doesn't get back in touch with you you'll know it's not going to happen.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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This is what going out on a date is for....to see if there is any potential. Obviously he didn't really see any but that doesn't mean you are not GF material for someone else.

 

Not a lot of people come right out and say "hey I had a great time but there won't be a next time." And just because the date went well doesn't mean it's a guarantee relationship in the works. They don't initiate well after the date, just move on.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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in OLD, the first meeting is HUGE. In fact everything that happens before that meeting is irrelevant. That's why you don't lose a lot of time texting before.

 

It is not just about your looks, it's about voice, mannerisms, personality that will all determine if there is chemistry.

 

Also, it is a huge mistake to send him so many messages. You are already making him feel defensive and trapped.

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Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

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I agree ...there is more to this then just looks. It's about body language snd vibe.

 

You may have been interested in him but he may not have seen it.

 

I have aldo seen how people can be different than who they seemed in text or on the phone.

 

Also remember ---assume he is dating others. Likely you weren't his grist choice..even if everything went well on the date. There may be someone rose he feels more interested in.

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

Posted
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Don't worry about it. Move on to the next guy and if this guy says hello to you, just engage with him and be friendly but don't expect much from it. He probably did like you a lot when you were both texting but meeting in person is the ultimate test and it maybe wasn't the right vibe for him. Just think about it. If he's not feeling it then he's not right for you anyway. No one is good enough if they don't see you as a total catch, right? :)

 

Also next time you get texting a guy, hold back a part of yourself so you don't get overly invested. Eventually you can learn to do this and then have appropriate distance to relax on the date and set your expectations. I do this now and it helps so much. There's no need to feel bad about yourself if things don't work out as it's anyone's guess how that happens and you can't get inside their head, you can only put your best foot forward.

 

I treat it like going to an exam or a job interview. You walk in, give it your best shot, and you mentally move on to doing something you need to do because the outcome is no longer in your hands.

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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

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Thank you all for your messages they really did make me see sense.

 

I had jumped to a conclusion I shouldn't have. He dropped by my house and took me for dinner as a sorry He told that he is 100 percent interested and that I'm the girl for him even after one date there was a spark. So I didn't imagine it thankfully and that he wasn't ignoring me just that work had him run off his feet ,if I ever feel upset he said just to ring him and talk to him about it instead of texting.

 

I did let my emotions rule my head and it wasn't the best thing cause I was thinking the worst. I'm very lucky to have someone like him because I do know most men would be creeped out by it and back off.

 

So in future I'll just stay away from texting.

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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

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Don't worry about it. Move on to the next guy and if this guy says hello to you, just engage with him and be friendly but don't expect much from it. He probably did like you a lot when you were both texting but meeting in person is the ultimate test and it maybe wasn't the right vibe for him. Just think about it. If he's not feeling it then he's not right for you anyway. No one is good enough if they don't see you as a total catch, right? :)

 

Also next time you get texting a guy, hold back a part of yourself so you don't get overly invested. Eventually you can learn to do this and then have appropriate distance to relax on the date and set your expectations. I do this now and it helps so much. There's no need to feel bad about yourself if things don't work out as it's anyone's guess how that happens and you can't get inside their head, you can only put your best foot forward.

 

I treat it like going to an exam or a job interview. You walk in, give it your best shot, and you mentally move on to doing something you need to do because the outcome is no longer in your hands.

 

Thank you for your nice message it worked out for the best. I just overreacted.

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brokengirl85 Established Member

brokengirl85

Posted
Posted
Thank you all for your messages they really did make me see sense.

 

I had jumped to a conclusion I shouldn't have. He dropped by my house and took me for dinner as a sorry He told that he is 100 percent interested and that I'm the girl for him even after one date there was a spark. So I didn't imagine it thankfully �� and that he wasn't ignoring me just that work had him run off his feet ,if I ever feel upset he said just to ring him and talk to him about it instead of texting.

 

I did let my emotions rule my head and it wasn't the best thing cause I was thinking the worst. I'm very lucky to have someone like him because I do know most men would be creeped out by it and back off.

 

So in future I'll just stay away from texting.

 

Wow really? That seems like a very weird reaction. Never heard of anything like that. Glad for you though! Hope you two be happy forever ;)

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Aisling.25 Member

Aisling.25

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Wow really? That seems like a very weird reaction. Never heard of anything like that. Glad for you though! Hope you two be happy forever ;)

 

Yeah he's just a nice person really so I'm happy. I think aswell he's one of those people that doesn't mind if you're a bit weird.

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thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

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Aw sweet. I'm glad it worked out. :)

 

See now you should think you didn't overreact much at all. He probably felt flattered when he could see that you liked him too.

 

Yay! I love happy endings on loveshack.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
Yeah he's just a nice person really so I'm happy. I think aswell he's one of those people that doesn't mind if you're a bit weird.

 

Or perhaps he didn't mind that you were a bit weird...because he's so into you!

 

I think this just goes to prove.... and what many of us have been saying for a long time.... that when a man is truly into a girl....she can do almost NO WRONG. Or no wrong!

 

Aisling.... he probably thought it was cute!

 

I have had that happen to me too. I do something I regret and feel completely dorky about...only to find the guy thought it was adorable! Because he was so into me!

 

Yes I agree with previous poster, he was probably flattered that you appeared to be so into him and worried. Sure beats those elusive women who play hard to get and other games.

 

I am super happy for you.... keep it going and keep us posted! :)

Edited by katiegrl
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