Can men and woman be friends?

[MightyPen]

It may not be confined to "looks" but it's definitely based on overall attraction.

 

I don't think most straight men could ever really be close close friends with a woman they wanted to bang. But then on the flip side, if the woman is repulsive, then most men probably wouldn't want to be close close friends with her in the first place.

 

So who does that leave?

 

Women who are smart and funny and "pleasant looking" and give off a sisterly vibe. But I daresay that if said woman is even a little bit sexy to the guy, he'll eventually think about banging her.

[Rockdad]

I have a close female friend for 35+ years. We actually dated and slept together a few times in the 80's but the timing wasn't working with what was going on in our lives at the time. We have been buddies to this very day.

 

My wife doesn't give it a thought as her husband has zero problem with it either. It can be done but I have rarely seen it.

[MightyPen]

I think one of the tests is, "Would/does the guy feel any jealousy about the woman (friend) being with another dude?"

 

If the answer is "yes"..even just a tiny bit, then the guy can't really be close close friends with her.

[salparadise]

My personal experience with this is that in more cases than not, at least one person will desire more than just a friendship (and usually the male).

 

 

And if he's not... she'll be disappointed and crank up the seduction until he does.

 

Men are inclined to shtup a good woman when opportunity arises, and women want to be seen as shtuppable even if it's only for the validation. We're biologically wired that way. It requires a lot of social learning and firm boundaries to overcome it. Both genders contribute, but in different ways. Never underestimate the role the female played in populating the planet.

[MightyPen]

And if he's not... she'll be disappointed and crank up the seduction until he does.

 

Men are inclined to shtup a good woman when opportunity arises, and women want to be seen as shtuppable even if it's only for the validation. We're biologically wired that way. It requires a lot of social learning and firm boundaries to overcome it. Both genders contribute, but in different ways. Never underestimate the role the female played in populating the planet.

 

Would you take the position that men have more biological "wiring" to overcome (as opposed to women) when learning to set boundaries and not view an opposite sex person as a potential sexual partner?

[fitnessfan365]

If both people genuinely want platonic friendship, then of course it's possible. Actual friendships between men and women are GREAT.

 

But two scenarios are pretty common in which friendship should be avoided :

 

1) Friendship is used as a rejection aka "let's just be friends". The interested person settles for this hoping the other person will change their mind.

 

2) One person is secretly interested but is too scared to pursue it. So they'll hide in the "friendzone" hoping the other person will magically make a move.

 

IMO if someone is interested, they should take a risk and pursue it when they initially feel it. If it happens, great. If the person isn't interested, you simply move on. By keeping your romantic interests and friendships separate, you'll wind up being a lot happier in the long run.

[FadedSign52]

OH BOY!

 

Do you know the number of BH's that believed his WW when she said the OM was just a gay friend?

 

Too many to count.

 

Well I met the gay best friend and there is no doubt this dude would jump on me before my GF But we shall see... keeping my eyes open.

[salparadise]

Would you take the position that men have more biological "wiring" to overcome (as opposed to women) when learning to set boundaries and not view an opposite sex person as a potential sexual partner?

 

No, different wiring. Men and women have different reproductive roles that cause us to use asymmetrical strategies. The male strategy is less nuanced, more assertive, because more sex with more women has proven to be an efficient means of genetic proliferation for males.

 

Females otoh, are optimizers. Since their reproductive opportunities are limited to a dozen progeny in a lifetime (under ideal conditions) and are exercised at great cost, great risk, and long-term commitment, the optimal female strategy is to be highly selective and secure [both] the most reliable provider and the best genetics to help maximize those precious opportunities.

 

Part of the optimal female strategy is a reliable backup plan... lest her carefully selected prime mate be consumed by a lion or something. Since select males with the most desirable genetics tend to have highly visible secondary sexual characteristics and are in demand by all females, they may be less inclined toward long-term familial investment. So females may choose one for investment (with backups), and others for genetics.

 

Females conceive internally so she need not concern herself with whether her progeny contain her genes, but this is not the case for males. This sets up something of a shell game between the genders with females being mostly in control of which males are granted reproductive rights, but with inherent benefits to keeping motivations and parentage of offspring on the down-low to maintain the interest of both primary and subsidiary males.

 

We [both genders] are more biologically determined than most of us choose to believe. We need not be aware of the actual motivation in order for it to be effective, and we are extremely proficient at rationalizing [deluding] and generating beliefs that our motives and behaviors are good and pure and aligned with societal expectations when the basis is hard wired predisposition to optimize reproductive success and genetic proliferation. Women are the gatekeepers, men are opportunists. I don't think men have more hardwiring than women; but perhaps it is less sophisticated and more apparent.

Edited February 17, 2016 by salparadise

[LookAtThisPOst]

I am friends with a handful of women who currently friends with me. One moved away. One I met on POF at one time, but she has her kids full time and with her weekend work hours, it makes it hard for her to have any kind of social , much less dating life, in general.

 

We'll meet up on occasion for friendship and I'm okay with that.

 

The last female friend I made was someone whom I went on a few dates with but wanted more, but pulled the ol' "Can we just be friends?" line with me well into me liking her more than that. I stayed friends with her for other reasons, but with talking with her lately, she's been going into the same pattern with her online dates as she's done with me. lol. So I don't feel so bad now that she's doing the same with other men.

 

I think she's a bit socially awkward and I don't think she's able to romantically connect to another man.

 

It was then I decided to "Never be friends with women I want to date, but it's oaky to be friends with women I don't want to date."

 

Last woman I asked out from a Meetup group, she said, "If it's for anything else other than friendship, then no, I'm not interested."

 

I said, "Okay, I do appreciate your honesty." I wished her well. Haven't seen her at a Meetup since, as she was just tire kicking events.

 

When I told my aforementioned friend about this, she was like, "So you didn't decide to go with the friendship?" and she said this, kind of shocked that I wouldn't take that woman's friendship."

 

I said, "No, I was attracted to her and wanted to take her out on a date."

 

Just kills me that some women can't comprehend this and actually feel HURT that men they've relegated to the LJBF's category that DON'T want to be friends.

 

I'm also finding that the older single men get, the less likely they'll accept a friendship from a woman being that they aren't getting any younger. Pretty much only the younger men are more willing to tolerate the friend zone.