Eternal Sunshine Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 A lot of guys I date seem to tell me this. This is usually in a positive way as in they are not saying "I have a lot of respect for you but we need to break up"...it's when they are trying to compliment me and tell me why they like me. I am not sure if it's just superficial i.e. because I am successful at my job.. I don't really know what it means, sounds like s strange way to compliment a woman Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 They probably do. Or they're reading that that's what a woman wants to hear. Next time someone says that, ask them why? I have a lot of respect for a special friend of mine, and it's down to how she's lived her life and what she does day to day. Respect is earned after all. It could also be just a line they're using to show you that they are a sensitive caring type, in the hope that it gets them some personal one on one time later. I reckon Tim Minchin's Confessions song probably says this best - go check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I don't understand...would you rather they didn't respect you? Would you prefer different compliments? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 It no different that when a woman says "You are a great guy, but....... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 And when you think of those men that said that to you, how did they turned out? See I got a lot of that as well. Turned out they were just saying it because they thought that's what a successful woman wants to hear. Usually it was something like : I have a lot of respect for you....don't think I just want sex.....about you invite me over to your place. In my case, it was just sand in my eyes. Men that did respect me never felt the need to tell me they did, they just showed it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 A lot of guys I date seem to tell me this. This is usually in a positive way as in they are not saying "I have a lot of respect for you but we need to break up"...it's when they are trying to compliment me and tell me why they like me. I am not sure if it's just superficial i.e. because I am successful at my job.. I don't really know what it means, sounds like s strange way to compliment a woman When I used to tell a woman this it's because I didn't think she was your typical low quality woman and saw actual relationship potential. But i've learned if I tell a woman that she thinks i'm full of crap so I just keep that stuff to myself now. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Mikau Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I think me thinking 'I have a lot of respect for you' is the biggest compliment I can give a person I'm dating. Women I respect are a massive turn on for me. For me it could mean liking their intelligence, drive, ambition or just outlook on life. That said, I would never say it in a dating scenario, because it sounds like you're a sleezeball trying to talk a woman into bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 A lot of guys I date seem to tell me this. This is usually in a positive way as in they are not saying "I have a lot of respect for you but we need to break up"...it's when they are trying to compliment me and tell me why they like me. I am not sure if it's just superficial i.e. because I am successful at my job.. I don't really know what it means, sounds like s strange way to compliment a woman If its during a break up then its just an attempt to soften the blow. Its the male version of telling someone "You'll make some lucky girl really happy some day." or worse, "You're really nice but..." At the end of the day all it does is create confusion about the person and the hidden meaning of the chosen wording. I think that its one of the reasons that telling a guy that he's 'nice' tends to hit a nerve. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 When I got that, it was typically because the man felt emasculated and he was vocalizing his disdain that I was 7x more successful than he in a round about passive aggressive way. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 A lot of guys I date seem to tell me this. This is usually in a positive way as in they are not saying "I have a lot of respect for you but we need to break up"...it's when they are trying to compliment me and tell me why they like me. I am not sure if it's just superficial i.e. because I am successful at my job.. I don't really know what it means, sounds like s strange way to compliment a woman They probably do have a lot of respect for you but they know you aren't a good match for each other, knowing you want more than they able or want to give and are treating you with respect by ending it, respectfully, instead of dancing around the issue and/or stringing you along for sex until someone else comes along. Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Its the male version of telling someone "You'll make some lucky girl really happy some day." or worse, "You're really nice but..." At the end of the day all it does is create confusion about the person and the hidden meaning of the chosen wording. I think that its one of the reasons that telling a guy that he's 'nice' tends to hit a nerve. Pretty much. I dislike this as well because it tend to 'leave the door open'. You breakup with me, I don't need compliments anymore, you have probably given me enough during the RS... move along to someone else and let me do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I seem to get men buying me a guilt gift if they are about to break up with me - like they take me out for one last final meal or buy me perfume or something. Weird. I would actually take it as a compliment. It's nice to know that you're respected by someone. Btw I have never done the whole "you're a great guy but..." routine but there is no easy way to end things. I will usually try to say something self-effacing and that I don't feel the same. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) I believe ES said in her original post ....that they *don't* tell her this when breaking up with her.... they say it in an attempt to get closer to her, as if it's some sort of compliment or something. Gaeta's post was right on the money IMO. Men who really DO respect you, would not be announcing it. They would just treat you with respect. Period. In my experience...when men tell me they have a lot respect for me before even knowing me, it's a smokescreen ... so as to throw me off from what they are really after -- early sex. And not much more. It's like I am supposed to think -- "oh okay, as long as you respect me and all, I will agree to go to bed with you." Not! Edited February 16, 2016 by katiegrl 4 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 IMO, the "I respect you" line gets a lot of flack due to PUA's using it when their only ploy is to get you into bed. It's a shame that a woman can't take that as a compliment and makes them cautious when it is meant as a compliment. Actions do speak louder than words and respect is something that is shown, a man only needs to say it once (if at all) but the strength is in how he shows it. I'm not sure if being a successful woman or how much money a woman earns has anything to do with being respected by a man. In my marriage, it was obvious I was more respected at work than I was at home. In a similar position, if I hear that from a man with similar potential I look at his actions, and if reciprocality is apparent then there is potential for mutual respect. If I hear that from a PUA at a bar/pub who has a "reputation" for the ladies, I follow it up with "in the morning, right?" And move on. When I hear it as part of a "break up speech" with a "you deserve better"....Well, yeah, thank you.......I do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 As others have noted, it's just a way for them to soften the blow. My question to you OP is why men keep giving you this line? It's like you have enoough to entice them in, but once they're in they want out. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 IMO, the "I respect you" line gets a lot of flack due to PUA's using it when their only ploy is to get you into bed. It's a shame that a woman can't take that as a compliment and makes them cautious when it is meant as a compliment. Actions do speak louder than words and respect is something that is shown, a man only needs to say it once (if at all) but the strength is in how he shows it. I'm not sure if being a successful woman or how much money a woman earns has anything to do with being respected by a man. In my marriage, it was obvious I was more respected at work than I was at home. In a similar position, if I hear that from a man with similar potential I look at his actions, and if reciprocality is apparent then there is potential for mutual respect. If I hear that from a PUA at a bar/pub who has a "reputation" for the ladies, I follow it up with "in the morning, right?" And move on. When I hear it as part of a "break up speech" with a "you deserve better"....Well, yeah, thank you.......I do. I *would* take it as a compliment ...if he knew anything about me. The problem is when they say it right off the bat without knowing me. How can a person respect you when they know nothing about you? That is when I know it's a BS line taken from some PUA manual to get me into bed. Plus, I have had it happen that way too. Just like Gaeta said. "I really respect you, wanna come back to my place"? LOL After awhile, ya just kinda get hip to all the tricks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Typically uttered by people whose actions have shown they actually have little/no respect for you. IME anyways... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I've heard it more in the context of ppl trying to demonstrate some social progressiveness, like it really means "I'm acknowledging the fact that you're a successful, independent woman, and that's ok." The thing is that it usually wasn't sth that needed to be said and was ultimately self-serving, a form of kissing ass. That's not to say it's always like that, just the times I've been able to perceive some innate insincerity about motives. I'm sure plenty of times when it's said it's genuinely meant. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I *would* take it as a compliment ...if he knew anything about me. The problem is when they say it right off the bat without knowing me. How can a person respect you when they know nothing about you? That is when I know it's a BS line taken from some PUA manual to get me into bed. Plus, I have had it happen that way too. Just like Gaeta said. "I really respect you, wanna come back to my place"? LOL After awhile, ya just kinda get hip to all the tricks. Totally agree....to the bolded part, and in my post. Since this thread is in dating, I think it would good for the OP to come back and update their opinion of why they think that they get that from being successful. If this is something that they hear from men in a bar setting or from a first date, it might be good not to give out so much privy info until she knows the guy platonically as well. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I think they say that because you're a professor. I got that too. I didn't care to analyze though. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I have a lot of respect for you ES.. My guess is that it is a disarming phrase to make you feel closer to them... in the end it is ALWAYS about separating the woman from her panties though..that is what life is about for the single man... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 As others have noted, it's just a way for them to soften the blow. My question to you OP is why men keep giving you this line? It's like you have enoough to entice them in, but once they're in they want out. WTF?? They are not trying to break up with me. Soften what blow? An example the last guy. We had 3 dates and he texts me this after the last date: "I am really looking forward to the next date with you. I would like to spend a whole day together next weekend. I want to do things right. I have a lot of respect for you and don't want to screw this up." That's out of the blue too, no conflict or tension, weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 When I got that, it was typically because the man felt emasculated and he was vocalizing his disdain that I was 7x more successful than he in a round about passive aggressive way. It's probably something like that. I am so much more successful than any man I date Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 It's probably something like that. I am so much more successful than any man I date I think it depends what they say right after I have a lot of respect for you. When I dated men I was more successful than them they usually came up with I find you intimidating not I have a lot of respect for you. So what happen to those men that used I have a lot of respect for you ? Link to post Share on other sites
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