stargazer26 Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 My ex and I are on good terms and have agreed that we should leave the door open for a possible relationship in the future. (Breakup mutual, long distance a big factor.) But I miss him and I’ve become obsessed with whether or not we shouldn’t just get back together despite everything. I constantly weigh his good and not so good qualities to the point where I end up even more confused. I try to accept and move on but I just get scared I’m letting “the one” go! He tries to assure me that we made a good decision, that now is not the right time for us, but I still worry. I’ve always been prone to anxiety/worry. Does my obsessing necessarily mean I want him back or could it just reflect my nature of dealing with things? Or could it be a combination? I wonder if I was just too dependent on him. I need to get a grip. How do I take a step back and think clearly? I’m going to counseling in a few days but it is difficult to get in with the therapist as well as take time off work. I’ve contemplated asking for anti-depressants because it's too the point where I obsess excessively but I’m uncertain about this. I may also ask my ex for a few weeks of NC as well, since I’ve been in contact with him once/twice a week since the break up 2 months ago.
notmakingsense Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 I'm in a similar situation. Although it isn't long distance, my exgf and I broke up a few months ago -- but we are still in casual contact with the possibility that things will change in the future. I've tried a variety of techniques for stopping the obsession: getting very busy, trying to date other women, etc. -- but I still can't stop because I dwell on the thought that she's the one and I can't do better. Although obsessing might be your general way of dealing with things -- it could just be an artifact from having such strong feelings for him that have not dwindled. To tell you the truth, the time I felt the best was during a 2 week NC period -- so something tells me that NC is the quickest route. Once we broke the NC for casual contact -- the obsessing started again. I can't afford therapists right now, and I don't want to resort to medication if I don't have to. I'm afraid that what this might mean is the answer that you or I don't like hearing: that we need to make a clean break for perhaps a very long time. Once we have moved past the old relationship, a new one could start -- but you'd have to be very careful about that.
newbby Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 what will be will be, try to believe in fate taking its course, the more you try to control things only delays the inevitable. i can identify with what you are saying, i too get trapped in obsessing and worrying, however you can train yourself to stop which makes things a lot clearer anyway. have you tried meditation or yoga? forget about you and him for awhile, nc is probably a good idea to get some headspace. try any relaxation technique you can think of. also if he is saying it was the right decision it kind of takes it out of your hands doesnt it?
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