laurbee Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Well, that settles it I guess. I was on a rollercoaster with my ex. We were in love, and we were serious, but he broke up with me during the summer because he felt the relationship wasn't progressing. Then he dated a girl who's recently deceased boyfriend had the same name as him. Then he came back in October, and said all the things we all hope our exes will say to us. I deluded myself though, because I could feel like he wasn't as "in it" as he said he was. And then over Christmas, he went to visit his family in his hometown in NY, and reconnected with his ex from college (actually, that's a lie, he was texting her while he was my date to my best friend's wedding on 12/18). They dated for 4 years, and they've been broken up for about the same time. I don't know anything about their past relationship or why it ended. I only know that she came back with him here for a week with her best friend over New Years. And then she came back again 2 weeks later. Last week, a mutual friend told me that my ex admitted to him that he's trying to get back together with her. He never even ended things with me, just said he was "busy" for a month or so and tried to hide the fact she was his ex. I'm the one who told him a month ago I wasn't going to beg for his attention, and that's the last we've spoken. And now he chooses her, a girl who lives 12+ hours away that he hasn't seen in almost 4 weeks, when with me he could see me whenever either of us wanted. I know he never actually ended things with me because he's keeping me as an option if things don't work with her. And I keep telling myself he's not the man I fell in love with. And I know that from all of his past actions these last 6 months, he likely has no idea what in the world he wants. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. I pride myself on being the sort of person who forgives easily and believes people can change, but now I just feel betrayed and stupid, like I should have known better. And the pathetic thing is I still love him and would take him back. I wanted to marry him. Why can't people ever see what's right in front of them?
PinkElephants Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 And I know that from all of his past actions these last 6 months, he likely has no idea what in the world he wants. He knows he doesn't want you. From your other posts it seems that this guy dated you, left you, dated another girl, dated you, left you again, and is now with yet another girl. You're absolutely right that you're an option to him; a plan B, not "the one". You said in a previous thread that your tolerance for BS is pathetically high. He knows this. He knows that you're content being an option and will take him back so don't be surprised when he does exactly that and then leaves again. Men settle down with women they respect. They respect women who respect themselves and who have boundaries. You have none, at least not with him. Why can't people ever see what's right in front of them? I pose this same question to you. Why can't you see that he'll never love you the way you love him? He's put the evidence in front of your face again and again yet you refuse to accept it.
drseuss Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Sorry to hear youve had a rough time and i can olny imagine the joy and sadness you have felt in such a short time will have drained you ! what i think you can take from this is to know he is not the one and not worth your time , Its sad some people have such low regard for others and their emothions but you can and will do better !
Author laurbee Posted February 15, 2016 Author Posted February 15, 2016 (edited) He knows he doesn't want you. From your other posts it seems that this guy dated you, left you, dated another girl, dated you, left you again, and is now with yet another girl. You're absolutely right that you're an option to him; a plan B, not "the one". You said in a previous thread that your tolerance for BS is pathetically high. He knows this. He knows that you're content being an option and will take him back so don't be surprised when he does exactly that and then leaves again. Men settle down with women they respect. They respect women who respect themselves and who have boundaries. You have none, at least not with him. I pose this same question to you. Why can't you see that he'll never love you the way you love him? He's put the evidence in front of your face again and again yet you refuse to accept it. Forgive me, I don't react very well to bluntness because frankly it hurts like hell, even if much of what you say is fair, such as the respect and boundaries parts. With regard to what he wants, I'm talking about everything in general including job, relationship, school. He ends a relationship with me, which all his friends think ending it was a bad idea, to get with girls no one thinks he should be with. He knows what he wants one moment but in a month changes his mind. I do respect myself, hence why I told him a month ago that him I wasn't going to beg for his attention and haven't spoken to him since. But I can see how he might think otherwise. I made it clear to him throughout our relationship that I wasn't content with being an option, and I'm pretty insulted you came to that conclusion. Giving someone a second chance does not mean I am content with being an option. In all honesty, much of what you said gives me the impression you feel all of this is my fault. Which yes, perhaps it was a mistake giving him another chance and trusting him. But I couldn't have known then what I know now, and I'd rather not have a jaded "he'll always do this to me" view. Edited February 15, 2016 by laurbee
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