cosmicdust Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I will be honest, I have not had much luck in dating or relationships with girls. I am a serious introvert and while I enjoy meeting new people, I have a hard time expecting or assuming that they want to spend time with me, etc. I am in my early 20's and have been attending college for several years now. Here is what has happened so far. Please read everything because there are a number of important details I have noticed. I met a lovely girl in physics when classes started last week. First impressions, she's a lot like me. Somewhat quite and hesitant to initiate a conversation. We formed a study group with others and started a group text message chat. After class, she copied my number from the group chat and texted me directly. First, she asked my name, I had not introduced myself in class. But, I suspect this was a cover because we had each clearly said our names several times during the class, I don't believe she really missed that. She remarked about the unusual spelling of my name and we proceeded to text for two hours. I can't believe how much we have in common! I am a computer science major and she is pursuing a master's in mathematics. Extremely smart, she took honors courses in high school and basically tested out of the first two years of college classes! We share a strong interest in math, science, and history. The group met today to study but the others left early, leaving just us. We chilled and talked about all kinds of stuff. She seems genuinely interested in what I think and say, this is reciprocal. I feel like she is more talkative and open with me than with the people around us. Here's the catch, it's valentines day and she came to the group dressed up nicely, with a skirt and bow in her hair. When we left, she said she was going to a movie later, but didn't say with who. I didn't have the guts to ask. Could she be interested in me, or is this all in my head? I don't know how I should proceed from here. She seems like a one-in-a-million kind of person. I think one of my biggest problems with women is finding a common interest. I am a very analytical person, fascinated by every aspect of the nature of reality. I have no basically no interest in music, movies, sports, etc. Finding somebody who I can connect with seems impossible sometimes.
shyguy3543 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 To me it sounds like a big stretch. If she was dressed up nicely and said she was going to a movie later (on valentine's day) and didn't ask you to join, it sounds to me like she's already got a date with someone else. Sorry, man. That's just the way I interpret it.
Jabron1 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I don't know how I should proceed from here. You ask her out. Not out of the blue, mind. But the next time you speak with her, steer the conversation in that direction, and bite the bullet.
Author cosmicdust Posted February 15, 2016 Author Posted February 15, 2016 I fear the rest of the semester will be unpleasant if I ask her her out and fail, since I will need to continue working with this group. I think I will ask what she thought of the movie or something, just to try and pick up any hints. I know it is only logical to suspect that she is going out with someone for valentines day. It just seems like every time things are looking up, I hit a dead end.
d0nnivain Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Mid terms are coming up. Ask her to study. See how that goes. If it goes well, ask for a date.
smudge21 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I worry you're putting her up on a pedestal before you even truly know her. Yeah she's nice, friendly, you share lots of interests but don't become hooked when you don't even know what the situation is. Nothing worse than falling for someone who turns out to already be with someone or simply doesn't want to be with you. With that said, you clearly have lots of things to talk about that could lead to spending time together, so ask her out for a coffee or something.
Erik30 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I think you're reading too much into things, like with the names, but there's no harm in asking her out. Things might become awkward like you said if she rejects you, but you'll have to play it cool if that happens. Just try to act normal and be friendly in that case. You barely know her, so you basically have nothing to lose.
Author cosmicdust Posted February 15, 2016 Author Posted February 15, 2016 I think I will just keep spending time with her for now and see what happens. When we talk, it feels like something more than just shooting the breeze, you know? I know if she is seeing someone currently, she will need time to figure out what she wants to do also.
thecrucible Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Try and find out first, by steering conversation and subtle questioning, whether she is seeing anyone. And in the meantime see if she is at all interested in doing something just the two of you.I don't mean something overly formal, just a study session. The good thing about that is there's a way to duck if it's misconstrued as a date - you can say you were just looking for someone to study with and never intended it that way.
Robratory Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 You're not having a problem chatting with her. The problem is you're not taking it further. I know you're an introvert, but you have to think less and do more. Ask her to join you on something that is not related to your class or study group (but not a movie). Try to shift the conversation from "zOMG E=MC²!" to "You have really nice eyes." Try to kiss her at some point. Take the leap. If she's into you, she'll make it pretty easy for you. You'll find yourself giving her a smooch in the most natural way you can imagine. It will just happen. However, sometimes women aren't tuned in and it hits them all of a sudden that (gasp!) you're into them. So then things can be a little awkward at first, but only for a few seconds. If she seems not to be getting it, then you might have to go as far as telling her straight up that you're attracted and interested in her. You have to gradually become more forward until she gets it. However, if she gets uncomfortable, then basically she's not interested. By the way, you might consider developing an interest in music. Music is not incompatible with being analytical. You don't have to pick from Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. There's five-hundred years of western music to choose from, and chicks dig it.
Robratory Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 I fear the rest of the semester will be unpleasant if I ask her her out and fail, since I will need to continue working with this group. I think I will ask what she thought of the movie or something, just to try and pick up any hints. I know it is only logical to suspect that she is going out with someone for valentines day. It just seems like every time things are looking up, I hit a dead end. There's no need for the rest of the semester to be unpleasant, and the more straightforward you are, the less likely it will turn out that way. You will have nothing to be embarrassed about. And stop with the self-defeating talk, like "if I fail" or "I hit a dead end." Her not being interested is not your failure. Your failure would be not finding out. You would have failed yourself because you wanted something and didn't go for it. It's your willingness to go for what you want that makes you a success or a failure, not whether you actually reach what you go for. I'd suggest against analyzing this more. Sure, ask her if she's involved with someone, but be prepared to make your move right then if she says no.
Author cosmicdust Posted February 17, 2016 Author Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) Met up with her before class today. While talking, she complained about the long drive she has to make to her boyfriend's place, so I guess that is that. I know in general I have problems talking and spending time with girls because of the lack of common interests and activities, I feel overloaded trying to carry on a genuine conversation and I over-think things, probably sound like a bafoon, act nervously, etc. With this girl I had none of those issues at all, it was just a natural flow of thought back and forth. The problem is finding people who I have that natural connection with. I am transfering to a university this fall so I should have much better prospects there, but feel discouraged by the fact that I have spent more than four years at this community college and never encountered someone I was interested in who was not seeing someone already. On the positive side, I feel like I have learned a lot in dealing with her and will be more prepared for next time. Edited February 17, 2016 by cosmicdust 1
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