Do I like her just because she likes me?

[DoesntGetIt]

I have a young coworker who has been trying to get with me for 8 months now. I'm 34 she's 24, and that was my initial hangup, it just seems like a big age gap. Some friends have told me they don't see it as a big deal, others have said that it is.

 

She's cute, she's sweet, and she's intelligent. But at times, her age does come through with bits of insecurity. It hasn't been enough to annoy me, but I could see how certain things could in a long term relationship.

 

She thinks I'm great and talks to me everyday, always wants to go do things (and we do go hang out now and then and I haven't let anything happen). Everyone I know at work has asked if we're dating because she doesn't hide her interest.

 

I'm considering just going ahead and dating her, but I wonder if it is a complete mistake. I recently ended a several month relationship where I didn't get intimacy and emotions from the other person, she was very closed off. I hated that, but I let it continue for too long due to having real feelings for her.

 

I worry that part of why I am considering dating this other woman is because she is the exact opposite. She is all about showing her feelings, clearly likes to cuddle (as she has tried to cuddle up with me several times), wants to spend lots of time with me etc. I don't want to use her, or hurt her, so I've always stopped it from happening. However, I'm starting to think I should try and could risk missing out on something good if I don't. I just don't know. Sicne my divorce, getting dates has been easy for me, but trying to figure out who to actually date/get serious with and having things work out has been a mess. I think it is making me doubt everything constantly.

 

Another big concern is that after a little while, I may find her attachment/constant outpouring of feelings and wanting to be with me too much. I had that problem in another relationship 6 or so months back. A woman who wanted to be with me constantly, always wanted expressions of caring/love (everyday basically) and who just couldn't give me any space (she got mad if I ever let an hour go by after she sent a text without texting her back, even if I was out with people, etc.). I ended that one because it was too much.

[Popsicle]

Bad idea to date her just because she likes you. Your attraction to her should be independent of her attraction to you and stand on it's own. If she weren't up on your face, would you even consider her?

 

I say don't do it. You're just going to hurt her.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

You need to think this over very carefully because if she were to become clingy or you both became too distracted by each other, it might cause a bit of an issue at work. There will be almost no escape from it.

 

If you decide to go ahead and date her make sure you have a conversation first and set ground rules that you are both happy with.

 

Dating coworkers can be risky so take your time to think over first, for your sake and hers.

[Shanex]

Yep, Coworkers, there's a broad consensus that this is never a good idea, 'don't dip your pen in the company ink'. Private and corporate lives are best not rolled up together.

[smudge21]

If she's this interested now, just think how she's going to be when you start dating her... and are you honestly ready for something that full on and serious, plus if you do call it off, how difficult is that going to be for her.

[truth_seeker]

Two concerns I see from your post:

1) You work together

2) You're hesitant not because she's your- co-worker but because it seems you're not into her like she's into you.

 

Forget the age gap. That's a non-issue.

 

Anyway to get her away from you, as in work in a different department? The less you see her, this attraction she has for you could fizzle.

[DoesntGetIt]

If she's this interested now, just think how she's going to be when you start dating her... and are you honestly ready for something that full on and serious, plus if you do call it off, how difficult is that going to be for her.

 

That's basically my issue. I'm not worried about the work place so much, I've dated a coworker here and although it didn't work out between us, it had no affect on work.

 

I don't want to hurt this woman, and I feel like if we do get involved that she will end up hurt. But I am curious on how it would be with her, since she does care so much about me and she is truly sweet, and kind, and smart, and fun.