I know I did the right thing by walking away. But why am i still waiting for him?

[BeStrong2]

Hi All,

I will try to summarize this whole episode as short as possible.

It really isnt worth much time & effort. The frustrating thing is

Why am I so hang out Still?!?!

 

Boy saw Girl profile on tinder

Is a match

Saw her a couple of msg over a few days.

Love her smile... wanted to know her better...blar blar blar

Girl reinstalled tinder couple of days later and saw the msg

Replied and had a nice chat.

He wanted to meet that day. Was very persistant.

She was off work today. Meeting her friends for tea and will be free that evening.

Agreed to meet.

Bad first date. He was tall dark handsome but cold.

Unlike his online personality.

She thought he dont like what he saw.

He was busy playing games online.

But he didnt want to end the date. Had coffee wanted to catch a movie but it was all full.

Didnt send her back. Just to the nearest subway.

Asked her out for the next few days but she rejected as it was always within the day..too short a notice

Finally agree to meet him again 3 days later because she wanted to chill after a long work day.

2nd date was good. Held hands. Kissed .. end up in bed

Day after he said he just want to be happy together.

Playing things down.

She told him.. is 100 or nothing. And doesnt want to talk anymore as she was busy at work.

Next day. He played the reset button.

Asked her out over a couple of days.. also within the day.. last min.dates.. she rejected but played along by replying his messages.

Finally met him for a 3rd date but going to a weekend market instead of where he wanted dinner and drinks.

Throughout the walk at the weekend market.

He was busy msging and playing games on his mobile.

She got lost and was pissed.

Last draw was he asked her to help him talk to someone he saw just now.. to ask if he was indeed Mr XYZ.. because Mr XYZ owed him money.

That was the last draw. She walked out of the date.

10min later .. he msged her.. where the hell are you?

She replied " Back"

He replied " Seriously, you are giving me attidue?"

She " no replies" since

 

End * roll eyes*

[BeStrong2]

Well.. obviously I am the She.

Even typing what happened sound so ridiculous.

BUT.. why.. why am I still upset and wounded because

Somewhat.. I am still expecting him to contact me again

I know fully well I will ignore him but the fact that

A week had passed and Nothing from him

Does hurt me.. yes maybe is a ego thing..

But the pain is real. The waiting is real.

 

The moment i walked away.I was telling myself

Once cheated his fault.2nd time cheated, my fault

I was feeling really good when I walked away.

In the past I will be so upset thinking it must be Me

Not being good enought. But not this time.

I was feeling great and in control.

Maybe I was expecting him to be thinking

" wow.. what a high value woman she is .

I must chase her back"

Well obviously he didnt think that way.

It doesnt help when all my friends said he will call again

Even though All say he is not worth it.

And I knew It. But why am I hurting.

Seriously.. I do feel hurt and was upset and bothered for the past days...why?? How do I get it over with.. is so frustrating

[BeFierce]

 

Maybe I was expecting him to be thinking

" wow.. what a high value woman she is .

I must chase her back"

Well obviously he didnt think that way.

 

loll i think it's great how both of us are new to this website and you chose your user name to bestrong, and mine is befierce.

 

So you already know why you are wounded and waiting for him-it's because you want him to acknowledge that you are a high value woman. You are placing your happiness in the hands of someone's opinion about you. Lets say if he indeed returns to you and tells you " I just realized how much of a high value woman you are and I don't want to lose you." Does him saying that you are a high value woman, make you a high value woman? No it does not. You just want to be affirmed that you have a high value. Even if 500 people think you are high value, 600 others might not. Does that mean you are not a high value person just because 600 have that opinion ? You don't have a meter coming out of your head measuring your value. No one can measure it for you and everyone "measures" value differently. So even if this man returns to you telling you that he knows your worth, it really doesn't mean anything. You might feel happy, but then your tying your happiness to a person. And that same person can decide the next day that you are not a high value woman, and just leave you, or cheat on you and that will crush you. So why depend on what another person thinks of you. Why place your happiness in his hands. So he hasn't talked to you for a week does that mean you are not a high value woman anymore? No, it simply means you guys were not a good match, and from the sound of it he was messaging other peoples whilst dating you. Why would you want to be with someone disrespectful like that. You dont need him to affirm anything to you. You are much happier without him.

[BeStrong2]

Hi Be fierce..lol

I swear I was looking at your stringing thread right after typing mine.

And was smiling at your username too.

Firstly, I thought you are great. Some of the response

You got were.. true but cutting.

But you took to it gracefully, accepting and learning from it.

U rock gal..

 

Thanks for your response.

I was answering my own high value qns too..

I know .. but how do i draw strength from myself to validate.

I have people telling me I am attractive ..both man n women

Yet somewhat I heard but was never convinced.. it comes and go

How do I draw strength and be firm in my self love..

[BeFierce]

Well Sis, you start out by seeing what thoughts and beliefs you fill your mind with. What is the story that you tell yourself about you. What opinions and theories from people, places, and things were you brought up to believe. Then you evaluate these thoughts to see if they are true or not. For example I have dark colored hair. That is a fact. But then if someone tells me you are the most beautiful girl in the world. Is that true? No. It might flatter me, but it is not a fact that I am the most beautiful girl . Another person might think I am ugly. Does that mean I am ugly? No it doesnt. It just means I don't fit the description of what he is conditioned to believe is beautiful. At the end of the day will I let either one of these people's opinion of me get to my head? No, because if I get used to doing that, then my self esteem will be at the feet of people, and I'd be giving them a chance to trample on it any time they wanted.

 

You have to understand that your happiness does not rely on people, it is ultimately what thoughts you feed yourself.

[BeStrong2]

Just realised.. from meeting him to walking away.. it is a short time.. all of 9 days

 

And yet I spend days nursing my wounded heart.

Maybe it is not him per say.. is a dashed of that hope of having that someone special ..to love and be loved

 

Just 9 days . I could be wounded .. I have a lot of self reflection to do....

[Arieswoman]

Bestrong2,

Please re-read what you just wrote.

 

You had a date and he was "playing games on his 'phone" ?!

 

So you put up with such blatant disrespect and then not only did you agree on another date, you had sex with him??!!

 

And then he does it again - "Throughout the walk at the weekend market.

He was busy msging and playing games on his mobile."

 

And you still agreed to see him.

 

Please, please do some work on yourself and ask yourself why on earth you would put up with such crappy behaviour?

 

I would suggest you take a break from dating and get your self-esteem out of the gutter. While you're doing that please read this book.

 

"It's just a date " by Greg Behrendt

 

Good luck.

[BeStrong2]

Ouch! But yes I need that...

Thanks ..I will read ur comments when I acted up again

[b-Shock]

Rejection hurts, no matter who it comes from. Hang in there.

 

Do you think you would be just as upset if you hadn't of had sex with him on date 2?

[ly399]

hi bestrong, it's so great to read your story. i feel we are dating the same guy (hopefully not), except i eat up all his excuses and b*sh*t, I even dated the guy for 2 months. At the end of the day, I'm so ashamed for putting up with him because he doesn't give a damn about me and disrespects me.

 

I really wish i had walked away just like you back then. I fell for the guy and deeply cared about his well being. I thought I'm a high valued woman, too. By catering to his needs all the time, he just look down on me. I have trouble walk away the longer i linger.

 

I wish you feel better soon, it's an emotional disaster you dodged.

[BeStrong2]

Hi Ly399..thanks for your mail.

Even though..is bad.. but is good to i am not alone.

I am better now...better as in I no longer hopeful that

He will come chasing back and knowing that even if he

did.. it doesnt mean anything..

Care to share your story.. n how u eventually leave.

[BeStrong2]

Feeling like sh*t now.

This phrase kept ringing in my mind

"Suck it up n carry on"

LOL