APerfectCircle Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I'm in need of a bit of advice from some of you lovely people.. I'll do a quick overview of the background.. I started talking to a woman online early November. Hit it off, but we couldn't meet until the end of December because I was away for work. So, we talked every single day even on Christmas Day. Met just after Christmas, first date was probably the best first date I've been on. Everything clicked. The following days she seemed even more keen than me. So, she went away for New Years with friends and phoned me every night she was away. Went for another date when she got back.. She seemed a little quiet, but she said she was just tired from work. Then... something changed.. I know she had bad news from her work(she never told me what it was) and she's very committed to her career but she completely stopped talking to me. And when I dared to message her.. it wasn't the same person, completely cold. After a couple of weeks of her claiming to be too busy to see me(I didn't badger her with messages or anything, didn't want to come across as too needy.) I finally called her on it and asked her if I had missed something and that she was acting cold. I got the standard message of how shes really busy right now and etcetc but still maintained that she wanted to see me. I gave her plenty of 'outs' that she didn't take. I made it reeeeally easy for her to say that she wasn't feeling it or whatever. She then said she'd keep me posted on when she would be free.. But never heard from her. Not heard from her since... I haven't messaged her either because I think that if she wants to give us a chance then she'd message me. Now usually I would put this one in the loss column but.. 1. The sudden change. I can not express how keen she was(making plans for the next few months, telling me that i was perfect for her etc) and then... overnight... cold. So I found out a few weeks back that she is good friends with an ex of mines sister. And I went through some stuff during that period, i was a little emotionally unstable and had bad insomnia... and I think this information may have slipped out without my side of the story. I think it's the only explanation.. I did think maybe another guy came on the scene but it's not likely at all. 2. I don't usually open up to many women and am rather picky(beggars can be choosers!;-) but this one had me excited about the future... I've never experienced such a turnaround in attitude towards me, without me doing something that totally warrants it. I've done nothing wrong!(this time, haha) So, should I just leave it. I have kinda left it a couple weeks since we last talked. Was going for the whole 'she'll realise life isn't as good without me in it' routine...... Don't think it's working. Also, is there any other reason for someone to go cold that quickly. Could it just be the whole work thing? Because I know she was in danger of losing her job.... Dunno if i should give her anymore of my time. Anyhoo, I've vented.. I wasn't sure if this was the right place to put this..
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Look you only went out on a couple of dates....that doesn't constitute commitment of any kind. She went cold, you just take the hint and move on.
Author APerfectCircle Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Don't think I said anything about commitment..... But thanks anyhoo
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Don't think I said anything about commitment..... But thanks anyhoo Committed to keep the conversation going......not relationship commitment.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 My honest bet is that she met someone else, or someone came back into her life. If it really was just down to job stress, she probably would have told you that. When we (women) are interested in seeing a man, we don't go that long with no contact at all. Sorry OP, I wouldn't hold out for her.
Maggie4 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Your suspicion may be correct, that she heard something said about you regarding the ex. That's unfortunate, but there is nothing for you to do, though. Looks like you have no choice.
iWopo Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Look you only went out on a couple of dates....that doesn't constitute commitment of any kind. She went cold, you just take the hint and move on. Exactly. Continue with your life and give her some space. If she is truly interested, she will contact you (it could be weeks or months). Can't win them all.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Your suspicion may be correct, that she heard something said about you regarding the ex. That's unfortunate, but there is nothing for you to do, though. Looks like you have no choice. Somehow I missed this bit about the ex the first time I read the post. OP, can you clarify what you mean when you said you weren't very emotionally stable during that break-up? Depending on what happened, and what this girl has heard about you, it could very well explain her sudden silence.
Author APerfectCircle Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Yeah, thanks for the replies:-). I was kinda already thinking of just moving on and leaving it, just needed other opinions. I do really wanna know what changed... I think if she just said 'yeah.. Not feeling it'..or 'I've met someone'.. I'd have moved on by now. Not knowing is kinda ****ty.
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Some people don't like to reject someone or like to be confronted....would rather ignore and fade away.
Author APerfectCircle Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Somehow I missed this bit about the ex the first time I read the post. OP, can you clarify what you mean when you said you weren't very emotionally stable during that break-up? Depending on what happened, and what this girl has heard about you, it could very well explain her sudden silence. When I went out with this ex I lost a ton of weight and cried a lot(which I don't usually do) that was 10 years ago and was a one off. The thing that makes me think this may be the reason is I told my date about a story that the exes sister knows about. So I think she's told her friends this story and the sister(who doesn't like me at all) has realised its me and told her about my mini meltdown. Or not. Its the only thing that can explain a sudden change(apart from another guy)
Author APerfectCircle Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Some people don't like to reject someone or like to be confronted....would rather ignore and fade away. Yep, I've experienced that before. I just prefer brutal honesty. Don't care if it hurts or offends.
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Yep, I've experienced that before. I just prefer brutal honesty. Don't care if it hurts or offends. Well I guess in some cases some get bombarded with a bunch of questions, some get hateful and rude remarks, some get called out on their excuse.... Some have posted that when they are told they didn't feel a spark or you are a nice guy but not for me, they still get pissed and call it BS. Some guys can be sore losers.....so I can see as to why some choose not to go with the honest route.
Author APerfectCircle Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Well I guess in some cases some get bombarded with a bunch of questions, some get hateful and rude remarks, some get called out on their excuse.... Some have posted that when they are told they didn't feel a spark or you are a nice guy but not for me, they still get pissed and call it BS. Some guys can be sore losers.....so I can see as to why some choose not to go with the honest route. I get that. Some guys can be super creepy about rejection. But I did have a conversation with her before we met and she claimed she wasn't the 'too nice' type and would say if she wasn't interested. Looks like she couldn't follow through on that one! Anyhoo, saves me money on days like today:-)
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