Otter2569 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I recently started dating a woman after getting out of a very intense and dysfunctional relationship. We have gone out a few times and we get along great; lots of fun, laughing and flirting. She recently had surgery and can not have sex for a few weeks. Shes apologized for this a few times but honestly, just having ended a relationship I am in no rush to sleep with anyone (that is so NOT me LOL). I am actually a little relieved we have not had sex and its fun getting to know her (who am I?). The other night she said that if I have "needs" I could go and have them met but not to give up on her. Also that she wants me but has to wait until everything is back to normal. What type of person would tell you to go sleep with someone else but come back when the time is right? I am trying to decide if its a really cool thing or a test to see if I am only after sex? It was very matter of fact. I am not reading into it, its just that no one has ever said that to me before. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I recently started dating a woman after getting out of a very intense and dysfunctional relationship. We have gone out a few times and we get along great; lots of fun, laughing and flirting. She recently had surgery and can not have sex for a few weeks. Shes apologized for this a few times but honestly, just having ended a relationship I am in no rush to sleep with anyone (that is so NOT me LOL). I am actually a little relieved we have not had sex and its fun getting to know her (who am I?). The other night she said that if I have "needs" I could go and have them met but not to give up on her. Also that she wants me but has to wait until everything is back to normal. What type of person would tell you to go sleep with someone else but come back when the time is right? I am trying to decide if its a really cool thing or a test to see if I am only after sex? It was very matter of fact. I am not reading into it, its just that no one has ever said that to me before. Well, technically, since you have not been intimate yet and are just dating, you are free to date and be intimate with whomever you want to. If you like her enough and are willing to wait and are serious about just getting to know her, then don't do that. To me she is more or less stating the obvious . . . 1
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I recently started dating a woman after getting out of a very intense and dysfunctional relationship. We have gone out a few times and we get along great; lots of fun, laughing and flirting. She recently had surgery and can not have sex for a few weeks. Shes apologized for this a few times but honestly, just having ended a relationship I am in no rush to sleep with anyone (that is so NOT me LOL). I am actually a little relieved we have not had sex and its fun getting to know her (who am I?). The other night she said that if I have "needs" I could go and have them met but not to give up on her. Also that she wants me but has to wait until everything is back to normal. What type of person would tell you to go sleep with someone else but come back when the time is right? I am trying to decide if its a really cool thing or a test to see if I am only after sex? It was very matter of fact. I am not reading into it, its just that no one has ever said that to me before. Well she may mean it, but tread very warily. If you do decide to get your needs met elsewhere, do not be surprised if you then get the cold shoulder, "I said you could sleep with someone else, IF you want, BUT I didn't actually think you would. UGH! get out of my life." 1
Redhead14 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Well, technically, since you have not been intimate yet and are just dating, you are free to date and be intimate with whomever you want to. If you like her enough and are willing to wait and are serious about just getting to know her, then don't do that. To me she is more or less stating the obvious . . . If you were in an established relationship with her and she said that, I'd say you were in another dysfunctional relationship. 2
Author Otter2569 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Just thought I would share that experience for discussion purposes. Red & Elaine, I think you are both right on. I am free to do what ever I want at this point but if I do that I may / will most likely ruin what I don't have yet LOL It seemed incredibly selfless on her part. That's what struck me more than anything. Makes me wonder if shes testing my character or if shes into some wild ****. Last night I had an offer to "come over and warm up" from someone...I did NOT take it. 1
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Just thought I would share that experience for discussion purposes. Red & Elaine, I think you are both right on. I am free to do what ever I want at this point but if I do that I may / will most likely ruin what I don't have yet LOL It seemed incredibly selfless on her part. That's what struck me more than anything. Makes me wonder if shes testing my character or if shes into some wild ****. Last night I had an offer to "come over and warm up" from someone...I did NOT take it. That's because you are not that kind of person and you should tell her that. Just tell her what you have told us.....that you are in no hurry anyways, and you are enjoying getting to know her. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Hi Smack, that's pretty much what I said to her at the time. Although I did NOT tell her about last nights opportunity. Some things are better off left unsaid 2
road Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Hi Smack, that's pretty much what I said to her at the time. Although I did NOT tell her about last nights opportunity. Some things are better off left unsaid And, undone. If this woman is not worth waiting three weeks before she is cleared to go then she is not the woman that you should be dating. 4
Redhead14 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Just thought I would share that experience for discussion purposes. Red & Elaine, I think you are both right on. I am free to do what ever I want at this point but if I do that I may / will most likely ruin what I don't have yet LOL It seemed incredibly selfless on her part. That's what struck me more than anything. Makes me wonder if shes testing my character or if shes into some wild ****. Last night I had an offer to "come over and warm up" from someone...I did NOT take it. It's not selfless, it's pragmatic . . . but you're right, you might negate your possibilities . . .
Author Otter2569 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Road, you make a very good point. Very good indeed!
MissBee Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) I recently started dating a woman after getting out of a very intense and dysfunctional relationship. We have gone out a few times and we get along great; lots of fun, laughing and flirting. She recently had surgery and can not have sex for a few weeks. Shes apologized for this a few times but honestly, just having ended a relationship I am in no rush to sleep with anyone (that is so NOT me LOL). I am actually a little relieved we have not had sex and its fun getting to know her (who am I?). The other night she said that if I have "needs" I could go and have them met but not to give up on her. Also that she wants me but has to wait until everything is back to normal. What type of person would tell you to go sleep with someone else but come back when the time is right? I am trying to decide if its a really cool thing or a test to see if I am only after sex? It was very matter of fact. I am not reading into it, its just that no one has ever said that to me before. This is a little strange. First, I would never apologize to a man once, much less a few times, about not being able to have sex because of surgery. Huh?! Especially not one who isn't even my man. I wouldn't then also proceed to say if he has "needs" he can go elsewhere. It reads to me like this woman has probably had a lot of experiences where it's been made out that sex is the way to keep your man and that's what a woman is supposed to do and if not he will go elsewhere, hence her continuous apologies for not being able to have sex and her then adding you could go elsewhere. It seems like she may have a lot of issues surrounding that but with time you will be able to tell further, but for me it immediately jumps out at me that she's probably just had the experience that "this is how it is" kind of thing and also might be a very insecure woman who apologizes for things she doesn't need to and will put herself at a disadvantage if she feels she will be able to "keep a man" that way. Edited February 14, 2016 by MissBee
Author Otter2569 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 I never would expect an apology for that. Simply knowing there were medical issues or she was not comfortable is enough information for me. I know she has been divorced a for only a few years, did not have a lot of love in her marriage and has not dated very much. The apology was kind of sweet but completely unnecessary IMO On a side note I dated a woman who NEVER apologized for anything even though she would find something once a week to fight over. That ****ing sucked. An apology, although completely unnecessary, was more endearing and did not come across as desperate or weird.
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Yes she is testing you. My position is that she feels that she is in a position of weakness being not able to fulfill your needs, plus probably pressure from you (maybe subtle?) forced her to put this out there like this. 1
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 You have only gone out a couple of times, hardly a commitment. So she just put it out there IF you are that guy that doesn't want to wait around. It's not a negative thing, or a test or anything else....she is just being realistic. 4
Erik30 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 You're right, it's a test. She wants to see if you stick around when there's no chance sex is going to happen any time soon. And if you do sleep with someone else, I'm sure she won't like that at all, even though she claims she understands you have "needs."
VintageWine Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Just thought I would share that experience for discussion purposes. Red & Elaine, I think you are both right on. I am free to do what ever I want at this point but if I do that I may / will most likely ruin what I don't have yet LOL It seemed incredibly selfless on her part. That's what struck me more than anything. Makes me wonder if shes testing my character or if shes into some wild ****. Last night I had an offer to "come over and warm up" from someone...I did NOT take it. I really hope I get a guy like you in my life. in your OP you said something around the lines of "I'm in no rush to do sex, I love getting to know her" like that's amazing, dude. It all screamed to me "keeper" I hope this works out for you. <3 2
Author Otter2569 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Pop, for the record there is absolutely no pressure from me to have sex - subtle or otherwise. when the subject comes up its always from her. While I would like to have sex with her I am actually relieved we are waiting. I know she is still in pain from her surgery and is self conscious about it also. If it happens, I want it to be right and i want everyone to feel comfortable (this I told her). Knowing her situation I have made an extra effort not to make sex an issue. In my opinion sex should just happen if things are right. I am simply not that kind of ******* and i never will be. 3
Author Otter2569 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Thanks Vintage! That's just how I roll
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