gorf Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I dont date much, first off. Remember that. Right, so Ive been casually dating her for 3 weeks. Lots of eye contact, making out, hugging etc. Were very comfortable around eachother physically. We have certain things in common, some things not. Nobody is exactly 1/1 into the same things as another, so its cool. We are sometimes sitting or driving, and there are those long periods of nothing to say, so its silent. Personally, its not uncomfortable silence to me, cause were ok around eachother. Here's the problem: First few dates or hanging out's, we chatted a lot and were getting to know eachother really well I think. Interests, family background, laughs, etc. Fairily light stuff. Lately I just havent felt like I have anything to say. I really am interested to know her better. But I feel like anything at this point would come out as random off the top of my head. Shows my poor communication skills I guess. She doesn't ask me much unless were already in convo. How do I break these silences and get to know her better???
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Ask her questions. Pick a topic like something you saw in the news, or talk about a trip you had been on or a funny thing your friend did to you when growing up. 1
Author gorf Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) Ask her questions. Pick a topic like something you saw in the news, or talk about a trip you had been on or a funny thing your friend did to you when growing up. Great idea. I guess I just have that typical feeling people who are starting dating someone get where I just dont know what to say. Or I think she might think its boring. Or she knows nothing about it and wont say much. Or fill in the blank. So.... my mind passes by all this stuff I COULD say, and I end up looking out the window. Maybe she's doing the same thing? Other problems is I feel like she wants to only lightly touch on topics all the time very quickly. Like before I can reply and keep it going WOOP: shes onto something else. Then it fizzles. Like you could say she's uncomfortable with long conversation. Or maybe she just doesn't know how to go about it with me. You're right on though. Edited February 14, 2016 by gorf
scooby-philly Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Yeah - so communication isn't always easy for me but I think you already answered your own question. First off, it's okay to have silence. Good couples aren't always chatting with each other. There's something real to being able to just watch something or do something with someone. Second - to your question: Listen.....listen.....to what she says or does. Ask questions about why she likes something or dislikes it - or why she said something. You have to make connections in your head between what's going on around you. You can also make a comment about something you did, saw, experienced, etc and ask "ever seen that" or "ever done that" or "ever been there". early stage communication should be all over the place - you got to find out what her sweet, sore, and interesting parts are..... 1
Author gorf Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 Listen.....listen.....to what she says or does. Ask questions about why she likes something or dislikes it - or why she said something. early stage communication should be all over the place - you got to find out what her sweet, sore, and interesting parts are..... great points! I really think this is one of my weak areas. I am very perceptive, I listen and remember well, but its like I store the info in my head rather than commenting on it. Maybe I should do that more? And youre right, I guess convo should be allover the place. Maybe thats normal with people new in dating, I wouldnt know. Everything Im doing feels wrong. But somehow shes still here. Stressful cause I feel like Im on a knifes edge 1
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