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V-Day autopilot.

rickdiculous

By rickdiculous
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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rickdiculous Member

rickdiculous

Posted
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Okay, I feel let down.

 

I'v been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. I just feel like he doesn't care. I want to go out, I want to have fun. I don't want to feel like the only one who is trying or who wants to be here.

 

I made suggesting for a nice vday downtown. But if I don't by the tickets and plan the whole day. Nothing will happen. So I didn't.

 

I get all these messages from him at night asking; What do I want to do? When? I don't mean to sound so demanding. But he can't even plan a day.

 

I do this for him all the time. What is he so scared of. I like love to do fun stuff with him.

 

But, I want him to want to do these things. When I don't hear much it response to my suggests I lose my excitement. I feel like I should communicate this more clearly. But i feel like I'm blackmailing him if I do.

 

Well I'm pretty sure its Chinese food and a movie tonight. Happy Vday everyone.

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

Are you saying that you have expressed what you would like to do, but he never follows through on making plans?

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Tayla Established Member

Tayla

Posted
Posted

Sorry that you are feeling this way on a day set aside for love.

 

Fortunately I do not value V Day or care for the marketing that it has become.

 

Most loving deeds are seen daily....small as they may be...they mean more. Have a loved one call, or ask if I need my car shoveled out. Certainly isn't planned, yet the gestures are there.

 

I tend to side on the mens mentality, its just not that big of a deal, and it gets pushed to the side. Doesn't mean its NOT important to you, for surely it has some honorable value. What does this day really mean to you? And how does it play into celebrating your love?

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Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

He sounds a bit apathetic and passive.

 

I wonder if he is one of those, who if you parted company, would say this:

 

 

"I realise that I didn't do enough to put life into the relationship and took you for granted, but I'm making efforts. I want to show you that I've changed, and have become a better man. Just give me another chance, and you'll see."

 

 

Funny how they never change when you're together...

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

It's amazing how quickly some people go on auto-pilot. It's like they want to get into a relationship just so they can go on auto-pilot. Well, auto-pilot sucks and it would be a nightmare for me to be with one of these aromantics.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted
It's amazing how quickly some people go on auto-pilot. It's like they want to get into a relationship just so they can go on auto-pilot. Well, auto-pilot sucks and it would be a nightmare for me to be with one of these aromantics.

 

Mr Unavailable.

 

He gets around a lot.

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rickdiculous Member

rickdiculous

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
He sounds a bit apathetic and passive.

 

I wonder if he is one of those, who if you parted company, would say this:

 

 

"I realise that I didn't do enough to put life into the relationship and took you for granted, but I'm making efforts. I want to show you that I've changed, and have become a better man. Just give me another chance, and you'll see."

 

 

Funny how they never change when you're together...

 

 

Sometime, I think the apathy is just fear. I think he's scared to invest because I may just leave one day. I remember him talking about how his ex stopped trying. I wanted to go to a comedy club on new years. He never got the tix's, I got sick that day so it wasn't a big deal.

 

I think he's passive because he had take change girlfriends/mother. When I asked why he didn't he said; "I thought we had to get them together."

Like I have to hold his hand.

 

I also think, he don't really care about v-day. I know his intentions are of a lost cute puppy. He doesn't mean ill, how can I get mad.

 

But the result of his lack of caring is my lack caring too. Which I think he notices, and seems react with more apathy and passiveness.

 

I don't now how to stop this cycle. I don't know what words to use to help this situation.

Edited by rickdiculous
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Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

snip

 

*I don't know what words to use to help this situation.

 

*Words aren't always the answer.

 

If you want to out and do things, go out and do them with a friend, if he won't.

 

That might wake him up, but I think you've got a relationship zombie on your hands.

 

I hope I'm wrong about that.

 

Go out, do things, live life.

  • Like 1
BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
Sometime, I think the apathy is just fear. I think he's scared to invest because I may just leave one day. I remember him talking about how his ex stopped trying. I wanted to go to a comedy club on new years. He never got the tix's, I got sick that day so it wasn't a big deal.

 

I think he's passive because he had take change girlfriends/mother. When I asked why he didn't he said; "I thought we had to get them together."

Like I have to hold his hand.

 

I also think, he don't really care about v-day. I know his intentions are of a lost cute puppy. He doesn't mean ill, how can I get mad.

 

But the result of his lack of caring is my lack caring too. Which I think he notices, and seems react with more apathy and passiveness.

 

I don't now how to stop this cycle. I don't know what words to use to help this situation.

 

Some people do hold back for fear of investing. The problem is that behavior is not compatible with a good relationship. Any relationship is taking a chance. There are no guarantees. If that's the case, you can't really fix it. He has to change that himself.

 

If you care about Valentine's Day, then I think he should make an effort to make it special. Personally, I never cared for it, and I let that be known in my last relationship. My ex never made a big deal of it for that reason, which was what I wanted. I was more into celebrating anniversaries and birthdays. But I think it's about what you want. If you feel it is an important day, I think you BF should respect that and make it special. Even if he feels the day is not important to him.

 

Bottom line is you can't make someone care. You can't make someone value you or prioritize that you might care about Valentine's Day. It seems like there are other instances that you have mentioned. You can express how you feel, but you can't make the other person act. If you truly feel undervalued, the only thing you can do is walk. I guess you have to decide if this behavior is important enough to end the relationship. If not, then you have to live with it and move on.

  • Like 2
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rickdiculous Member

rickdiculous

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Some people do hold back for fear of investing. The problem is that behavior is not compatible with a good relationship. Any relationship is taking a chance. There are no guarantees. If that's the case, you can't really fix it. He has to change that himself.

 

If you care about Valentine's Day, then I think he should make an effort to make it special. Personally, I never cared for it, and I let that be known in my last relationship. My ex never made a big deal of it for that reason, which was what I wanted. I was more into celebrating anniversaries and birthdays. But I think it's about what you want. If you feel it is an important day, I think you BF should respect that and make it special. Even if he feels the day is not important to him.

 

Bottom line is you can't make someone care. You can't make someone value you or prioritize that you might care about Valentine's Day. It seems like there are other instances that you have mentioned. You can express how you feel, but you can't make the other person act. If you truly feel undervalued, the only thing you can do is walk. I guess you have to decide if this behavior is important enough to end the relationship. If not, then you have to live with it and move on.

 

 

Thanks, I have a lot to think about.

 

Well, we where driving. I said "it would have been nice he had booked a place."

 

He say's "I'm sorry I ruined valentines day."

 

 

 

I keep thinking he's creating a self-fulling prophesy.

 

He's scared, so he rejecting me before I reject him.

 

Or and he senses somethings off. Cause he asks me a lot "Are you happy?" "Whats wrong" What did I do" ?

 

When he does this. I feel frustrated and mad. I want to tell him; How do you expect to fall in love, if this is it. Is this all you wanted to do. I expected more excitement and adventure. It's this why we are doing this.

Edited by rickdiculous
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