One Step Forward, two steps back.

[deinonychus]

Not spoken to the ex in two weeks and hadn't dropped a tear since then...until today. I don't know what happened. I was coping alright, still sad but knowing I was better off without him. But over the last couple days I keep thinking about how much support I gave him surrounding his pregnant ex (see older post if you'd like), long story short a week after we got together she finds out she's pregnant. Anyway, I think back to everything I did for him, supporting him back when that evil bitch said she didn't want him to have anything to do with the baby and to stay out of their lives. Looking up fathers for justice for him, helping him draft letters and eventually just saying "**** it" and driving him over there to sort it out with her (apparently, she'd recognize his car ). Then once she starts acting like a human being instead of a monster all of a sudden she's this fabulous human being. He even defended her poor behaviour towards me, he excused every stupid ****ing thing she did because she was pregnant.

 

Instead of being grateful to me and angry with her, it was the other way around. Apparently, me struggling to handle him having a child with someone else was too much for him. He's so self-centred and I don't know why this has come up in me when I was doing so well.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I do agree that you are better off without him, but it is like any breakup, there will be good days and bad days. In your case there is a lot of mixed emotions regarding what happened.

 

You had a lot to deal with regarding his ex and the pregnancy, there are plenty of people that wouldn't have even tried to deal with that kind of baggage.

 

I know it is probably of little consolation to you now, but what you did to bridge the gap between them for the sake of the baby was a precious gift, and I admire you for it.

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself for having weak moments, it is perfectly normal.

 

Take care.

[Silver_star]

I feel pretty pathetic. It's been well over 4 months and I'm still bothered by my ex. I will never get back into a relationship with him.

I loved him deeply and he left me for someone else. I'd never trust him again.

Yet, he kept giving me breadcrumbs afterward. Little traces of hope here and there that he still loved me. It made things harder. It's been hard to connect with another guy and meet another guy that made me feel the same as I did when I was with him. I have gone on a couple dates but nothing serious. He came back a while ago and apologized for hurting me at one point and we agreed that we were just not meant to be. He continued seeing the girl he left me for.

The day before Valentine's Day he texted me to ask how i was, he said he wants to catch up soon to see what's going on in my life. I know he wants to know if I'm seeing someone. I'm not, and I feel like I don't want him to know that I'm still single. I don't want him to see me as someone who is a loser and can't find another boyfriend. I could find another boyfriend, but I don't want just anyone. I want to feel something again. More than anything i hate that I can't seem to find someone else that makes me happy. When it was easy enough for him to find another girl whilst in a relationship with me.

 

He signs his texts to me

Talk soon xx

 

And that makes me mad and sad.

[Raina314]

I definitely feel this. I think what sucks most about the "good days/bad days" thing is that on a good day, or even an okay day, you think to yourself (at least I do) "Okay, I'm alright today so that's progress, but I'm sure another bad day will come along in no time." But when there's a bad day, I think "This is terrible and I'll never have a good day again."

 

I feel pretty pathetic. It's been well over 4 months and I'm still bothered by my ex. I will never get back into a relationship with him.

I loved him deeply and he left me for someone else. I'd never trust him again.

Yet, he kept giving me breadcrumbs afterward. Little traces of hope here and there that he still loved me. It made things harder. It's been hard to connect with another guy and meet another guy that made me feel the same as I did when I was with him. I have gone on a couple dates but nothing serious. He came back a while ago and apologized for hurting me at one point and we agreed that we were just not meant to be. He continued seeing the girl he left me for.

The day before Valentine's Day he texted me to ask how i was, he said he wants to catch up soon to see what's going on in my life. I know he wants to know if I'm seeing someone. I'm not, and I feel like I don't want him to know that I'm still single. I don't want him to see me as someone who is a loser and can't find another boyfriend. I could find another boyfriend, but I don't want just anyone. I want to feel something again. More than anything i hate that I can't seem to find someone else that makes me happy. When it was easy enough for him to find another girl whilst in a relationship with me.

 

He signs his texts to me

Talk soon xx

 

And that makes me mad and sad.

 

I feel the exact same way you do. Except my ex hasn't contacted me at all. But he did say he wanted to be friends after we broke up, and while part of me wants him to see that I've moved on and am okay, the other part doesn't want anyone else ever and it's a terrible terrible feeling. I hope it gets better for you soon

[Brando]

Do not feel pathetic or ashamed you're not healed yet. It is a process. Every action has an equal, but opposite reaction. You opened up and loved, now it has ended and you're grieving. There is no race to get over it. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Sounds to me like you're doing great.

 

Of course you can get a boyfriend...being single is not a bad thing though. Learn about yourself, grieve the loss of a relationship and you will be just fine. Don't rush into anything new. Finding the people who we form those rare connections with rarely happen when you're looking.

 

Be patient, trust the process and love yourself.

 

PS. If you still talk to him...it will slow down your healing. I get the closure thing if anyone really thinks it will help them and maybe it will. I don't believe in it, but that's just my experience/opinion.

[deinonychus]

Just found out he's already met someone new and it's like his hurtfulness knows no end. I don't know why I cried, even if it was for 10 seconds, because I don't want him back. I'm just so hurt and it's an awful feeling. I never knew this man.