BeFierce Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I ended it today, because I never felt so disrespected in my life. I knew him for more than 4 years, and he always gave me the impression that I was the one, but at the same time he'd send me mixed signals all the time. Then hot and cold, and through the very last days he became distant. I would confront him plz tell me are you interested in me - is this going to lead to something more serious? And he would suddenly get a headache and not talk to me. When he did that I would not talk to him for weeks, and he'd come back like nothing ever happened. Well, recently I asked him again why are you so distant, your not yourself, and then after beating around the bush he told me he was spending his days looking for someone "suitable". That pissed me off because I had to pry it out of him. Why couldnt he just tell me straight forward instead of playing with my emotions. Why be a coward. I wouldve respected him more if he told me up front about how really felt. What would he have lost if he had told me from day 1? Absolutely nothing, we couldve kept as friends. Why go thru romantic gestures, emotions, and make me believe we had a chance, if he knew all along. why are ppl so cruel 2
Frogwife Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I ended it today, because I never felt so disrespected in my life. I knew him for more than 4 years, and he always gave me the impression that I was the one, but at the same time he'd send me mixed signals all the time. Then hot and cold, and through the very last days he became distant. I would confront him plz tell me are you interested in me - is this going to lead to something more serious? And he would suddenly get a headache and not talk to me. When he did that I would not talk to him for weeks, and he'd come back like nothing ever happened. Well, recently I asked him again why are you so distant, your not yourself, and then after beating around the bush he told me he was spending his days looking for someone "suitable". That pissed me off because I had to pry it out of him. Why couldnt he just tell me straight forward instead of playing with my emotions. Why be a coward. I wouldve respected him more if he told me up front about how really felt. What would he have lost if he had told me from day 1? Absolutely nothing, we couldve kept as friends. Why go thru romantic gestures, emotions, and make me believe we had a chance, if he knew all along. why are ppl so cruel People "string you along" because you allow it. 5
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I need to ask how it took you 4 years to discover this guy's actions didn't match his mouth.... I know 'hope springs eternal' but, girl, surely to goodness, you must have had some inkling this guy was not all he seemed to be, earlier than this?? 2
Brando Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Because you let him is a good answer. Because he uses you to fill the void is another good answer too. Cut this joker off! Bye....cya....adios...good luck to ya.... So mannnny peeeeooople in the world. Forget about him. Upgrade and forget. 3
Satu Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Hot and cold = lukewarm. That might mean that he has some feelings for you, but not enough. You need to value yourself more than this. More than him. But to have something better, you have to realise that you deserve something better. Work on that. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. 3
Zahara Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) he always gave me the impression that I was the one, but at the same time he'd send me mixed signals all the time Contradicting. No he didn't. In 4 years he gave you more than enough clues to indicate otherwise. People get strung along because they allow it and in your case, you are responsible for where you've ended up. He was just doing what he's always done. You enabled and approved of his behavior everytime you went back to him. I'm sure the red flags were up soon into your start with him, you just didn't want to see. Edited February 14, 2016 by Zahara 2
Holmes85 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I ended it today, because I never felt so disrespected in my life. I knew him for more than 4 years, and he always gave me the impression that I was the one, but at the same time he'd send me mixed signals all the time. Then hot and cold, and through the very last days he became distant. I would confront him plz tell me are you interested in me - is this going to lead to something more serious? And he would suddenly get a headache and not talk to me. When he did that I would not talk to him for weeks, and he'd come back like nothing ever happened. Well, recently I asked him again why are you so distant, your not yourself, and then after beating around the bush he told me he was spending his days looking for someone "suitable". That pissed me off because I had to pry it out of him. Why couldnt he just tell me straight forward instead of playing with my emotions. Why be a coward. I wouldve respected him more if he told me up front about how really felt. What would he have lost if he had told me from day 1? Absolutely nothing, we couldve kept as friends. Why go thru romantic gestures, emotions, and make me believe we had a chance, if he knew all along. why are ppl so cruel BeFierce, When someone "strings" you along, you "cut" that string and set yourself free and pick yourself up and motivate yourself to move to bigger and better things instead of wasting your time with someone whose dragging you along pointlessly. 3
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) For the last 4 years, YOU basically wrote the narrative of your relationship, "I am the one" and "We will be together forever" and you ignored the mixed signals and him blowing "hot and cold", as if it didn't matter. But it did, and it does, matter, and it indicated deep cracks in your relationship, cracks you finally couldn't keep plastering over. The chickens have now come home to roost. Edited February 14, 2016 by elaine567 removed quote 2
Author BeFierce Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 For the last 4 years, YOU basically wrote the narrative of your relationship, "I am the one" and "We will be together forever" and you ignored the mixed signals and him blowing "hot and cold", as if it didn't matter. But it did, and it does, matter, and it indicated deep cracks in your relationship, cracks you finally couldn't keep plastering over. The chickens have now come home to roost. LOL I like this expression, it's the first time I heard it. Thank you everyone for the advice. I know I can get thru this, usually something like this wouldve made me cry and beat myself up in the past- but not a tear was shed. I have definitely learned not to give more chances then necessary- and of course the red flags were there but he'd would just charm his way back in like a damn snake and I did allow it. I'm so glad for this forum, where I can use it as an outlet and for the kind people that answer. I cut him out of my life for good, because quiet frankly I'm a very good hearted person and I do know I deserve better. Honestly, I didn't lose anything from this relationship, except the huge bag of manure that is now off my back. I am happy that to know that I'm the type of person who is capable of moving mountains for someone I truly love, but next time to save that side of me for someone who will do the same and deserves it. So I'm going to see this as a positive experience that has allowed me to grow and know what I really want in a relationship. Thank you again for all the wonderful responses. 4
Wewon Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I wouldve respected him more if he told me up front about how really felt. What would he have lost if he had told me from day 1? Absolutely nothing, we couldve kept as friends. Why go thru romantic gestures, emotions, and make me believe we had a chance, if he knew all along. why are ppl so cruel First, don't feel too bad, there are very few people that haven't had someone string them along. Its a part of life unfortunately, learning to spot someone doing this can initially leave you feeling like you're becoming cynical. I can think of two reasons why people do this: 1) They are using you as a place holder and they don't want you to wise up before their options are settled. 2) They fear the confrontation of being straight forward. Honestly, confrontation scares most people, that's why people that are blunt, rude and crude are so proud of themselves in their version of "honesty". But the bigger question here is 'why did it happen to you?' As glib and as cavalier as it sounds, you did allow it. Now that statement in itself isn't very helpful, you could also say that people allow themselves to be robbed, their illnesses to get out of control and their relationships to lapse. What you specifically did that contributed to the event was you most likely held out hope and made rationalizations instead of expecting him to actually contribute. You probably made excuses for him and you didn't recognize one truth about human nature, that a lack of effort on his part are a signs that he is trying to keep you on the hook. A lack of effort is camouflaged by excessive excuse making, indifference, unkept promises, take it or leave it attitudes, You have to understand that when people are interested that they put in effort or otherwise go out of their way. If you see that they won't do something unless its totally on their terms or a string of conditions have to be met, then they are not truly invested. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 People "string you along" because you allow it. First response of the thread is the best response of the thread.
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