ilovemusic3 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 When I talk to them on dating sites they ask to text, but I don't like texting back and forth all day, can I ask them to call me instead? They don't seem to like that. Will they call if they're serious about dating?
health Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Yes. If they care they'll call...well that is if they talk. I prefer talking as well. Some only do text. I come from era of talking on the phone - but have friends from the same era who hate talking and only text . It's like they'd lose a relationship based off no text or s
lchf Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I don't like texting either, and most people seem to live off texting. I can't remember the last time I had a decent phone conversation with someone. It's a lot easier to just send a text, which is just as easily ignored by the recipient. Calling requires you to think in real time, hence why a lot of people I know don't do it when they're trying to get to know girls. So yes if they are serious they will, but expect a lot of guys to not if you make it clear you would rather not text.
SunnyWeather Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I suggest a phone conversation pretty quickly after exchanging numbers, I do it under the guise of setting up a plan to meet. If they balk and just want to text I 'next' them. One can tell a lot about a person in a 20 min conversation. It's a filtering process for me. About 80% of the conversations end in a 'no', which saves me a lot of useless first dates. I also discovered a catfisher that way too. If someone will not take the time to have a 15-20 min phone conversation, they are not worth your time. 6
scooby-philly Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I agree with the previous posters - if they won't talk let them walk. I'm 34 (male). So border edge millennial. I text with friends & family all the time. I text with GFs. But there's situations/topics/and protocal (in dating) that says "call about this". Some people feel so pressured about conversation they turn off. It's one thing to be an introvert or to be shy. But if you've gotten past the first few dates and say you prefer to talk then either the like you/respect you enough to listen or they don't. It's one thing to text to say "hey - tonight - it's business casual at this thing we're going to" vs. having a "conversation". Some people may disagree - but it's about communication style, what works for us, and the expectations we have. Some people just expect that if you get to a point in dating - phone # exchange, 1st date, 5th date, etc that they're done "working" 1
SwordofFlame Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I'm 28 and really hate talking on the phone.
truth_seeker Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 When I talk to them on dating sites they ask to text, but I don't like texting back and forth all day, can I ask them to call me instead? Sure. They don't seem to like that. Will they call if they're serious about dating? Yes. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Yes, if you prefer phone calls then its best that you give them your phone # and tell them to call you. If a guy really wantd to make an effort and get to knoe you, he reallu wouldn't mind. You set the standards on how you date. 2
katiegrl Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 When I am dating someone, I prefer spending time together IN PERSON. Assuming I feel emotionally safe and secure in the relationship (which are the only type of relationships I remain in), I do not need to touch base everyday. If we do, a couple quick texts would be fine! Just to say hi, thinking of you, love you (depending on how far along in the relationship we are). Ir to make a plan. I find long phone calls tedious and exhausting. I like missing a man. I like that tension. When we finally see each other in person (once or twice a week in the beginning)... it's that much more exciting, fun and passionate. I guess I am one of those rare women who prefer quality over quantity. In short, I prefer texting, and find phone calls exhausting. Would rather save our convos for when we spend time in person, which increases over time. 1
stillafool Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I'm 28 and really hate talking on the phone. Why? Do you not like the sound of their voices?
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Some people just do not have the social skills to maintain a phone conversation for any length of time, so tend to avoid making calls. They get by, on one line texts, full of emoticons and "smart" responses. Women often complain that their man does not communicate well, so I think insisting on a phone call, may be a useful first filter, that may save a lot of what otherwise would be wasted time. 4
katiegrl Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Some people just do not have the social skills to maintain a phone conversation for any length of time, so tend to avoid making calls. They get by, on one line texts, full of emoticons and "smart" responses. Women often complain that their man does not communicate well, so I think insisting on a phone call, may be a useful first filter, that may save a lot of what otherwise would be wasted time. That's an interesting perspective, although I would hope that when one decides to pursue a relationship with another, they have a certain awareness of their partner's social skills (or lack thereof)....which they would discover while out together and spending time together in person on their dates. And how they speak and interact with you and others. For me, I have found that many men (and women for that matter) are incapable of constructing a simple sentence that makes sense ...which I would discover during texting. This speaks volumes to me, and frankly find it a turn off, same way I suppose a man not conversing on the phone the way you like would turn you off. That said, if I ever choose to do the OLD route, I would need a quick convo on the phone too, to hear their voice at least. I can also tell a lot about a person by their voice, how they speak, etc, but after that, don't need the phone contact as much as others. Just me ...I realize I am a bit different, and need more space than the typical woman. 2
Oiseau Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Calling is pretty nice. The problem is that sometimes people are busy and can't pick up their phone. Also, it's harder to maintain a phone conversation, as already mentioned. But if that's what you prefer, go ahead.
SunnyWeather Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 That's an interesting perspective, although I would hope that when one decides to pursue a relationship with another, they have a certain awareness of their partner's social skills (or lack thereof)....which they would discover while out together and spending time together in person on their dates. And how they speak and interact with you and others. For me, I have found that many men (and women for that matter) are incapable of constructing a simple sentence that makes sense ...which I would discover during texting. This speaks volumes to me, and frankly find it a turn off, same way I suppose a man not conversing on the phone the way you like would turn you off. That said, if I ever choose to do the OLD route, I would need a quick convo on the phone too, to hear their voice at least. I can also tell a lot about a person by their voice, how they speak, etc, but after that, don't need the phone contact as much as others. Just me ...I realize I am a bit different, and need more space than the typical woman. I'm with you on all those points, and with needing space. Before I meet up with someone for the first time via OLD, I guide the text convo pretty quickly to suggest they call me me, not just to gauge their voice, which is REALLY important, but to get a sense of the person and their communication style. It's a really great filtering process and it allows for a more traditional dating process to play out. I prefer the man to take the lead, thus having him call me (or not!) is step one in that process. Texting for me with someone I've just "met" online is just about logistics, maybe for a quick 'hello'. I 'nope' pretty quickly the guys who want to text with me too much before even meeting. It's a red flag for me as it creates a false sense of intimacy 3
preraph Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Yes, you should ask them to call you. It's a great way to weed out the guys who are only looking for sexting or photos or who can't use their own words and are looking up crap online to write to you or are too fearful to talk to you, or who weigh 200 pounds more than their photo, or who aren't even guys. So YES, ask them to call you and completely blow off the ones who won't. It's common sense. 2
SunnyWeather Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Calling is pretty nice. The problem is that sometimes people are busy and can't pick up their phone. Also, it's harder to maintain a phone conversation, as already mentioned. But if that's what you prefer, go ahead. that's the point! if they are too busy to fit in a 15 min phone call in a day or two after exchanging numbers, then they are too busy for a relationship, at least the kind I'm looking for. Hook ups are an entirely different process, however 3
SwordofFlame Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Why? Do you not like the sound of their voices? I grew up using instant messengers and texts. Rarely if ever spoke on the phone with any of my friends or family. I have no problem holding a conversation in person. However, I am an introvert. I guess I don't like being surprised. It seems scheduling a certain time to have a call is a lot more comfortable for me.
MissBee Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 When I talk to them on dating sites they ask to text, but I don't like texting back and forth all day, can I ask them to call me instead? They don't seem to like that. Will they call if they're serious about dating? Of course you can! That's not an unreasonable request. Just like some folks prefer texting so will ask that of someone, you're also free to ask the opposite. The point of dating is to find someone who is compatible with you right? Clearly, if a man prefers texting incessantly, then this is likely already a way in which you don't gel, especially if he is completely unwilling to call. I don't mind texting sometimes, but if I give a guy my number online, I would like to have a real time voice conversation and hear the person behind typed words on a screen, it feels realer to me, esp if we've never met, it helps me to at least feel like I'm verifying you a bit more. Most guys chose to call on their own or if I requested it, none declined. If someone did, fair enough, but I would move on. So yes, ask, many will oblige you happily and for those who don't, take it that you're probably not a good fit in terms of communication style/preferences, which is a HUGE thing that needs to work in relationships.
katiegrl Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 that's the point! if they are too busy to fit in a 15 min phone call in a day or two after exchanging numbers, then they are too busy for a relationship, at least the kind I'm looking for. Hook ups are an entirely different process, however Agree but for me, I wouldn't even need 15 minutes. First I find out whether he is capable of constructing a simple sentence, which I find out through texting a bit. If there is an interest, I suggest a quick call -- 5 minutes! Just to hear his voice and to get a *sense* .... a vibe so to speak. If that goes well, then we meet. All this within 2-3 days tops. No prolonged texting for me, you are right SW, creates a false intimacy. If he refuses to call first before meeting....no meet. Next. But I do enjoy a few texts before too, for reasons stated in my earlier post. 1
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I say you are right. I would expect to at least be able to talk to them on the phone or even better chat on skype. I agree you can gather quite a bit of information about a person on how they talk to you. Texting IMO is either just lazy, lack of confidence or interest or you are young and texting is all you do for communication anyways. If I was 20 I would probably text. Everyone is different....there is no right or wrong, just preference. Nothing bad about wanting to communicate through a phone call. 1
Otter2569 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 definitely tell them this. The phone call is almost a lost art. Personally I rely too much on texting and there is a lot you would not pick up on if it was not for the phone call. Texting is fun and convenient but if a guy is truly interested, he will find time to call you. 1
SunnyWeather Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 But I do enjoy a few texts before too, for reasons stated in my earlier post. oh yes! that process for me has already been vetted in the online messaging process--using proper English is really important to me. I called a guy out (40sh) about his lack of punctuation. It was a disaster, nothing made sense, and I had to work just to understand what he was trying to convey. I asked what his mother tongue language was! (this btw, is a good way to filter out catfishers who live on the other side of the globe masquerading as being local) now, if English is their second or third language, than that's a whole other discussion
thecrucible Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) Whether I would choose to have a phone call with a man from online dating as part of the filtering process, depends on what my intuition is telling me. I've only done it once but the phone call was quite revealing. In this case he seemed like a good guy but I wasn't sure so I decided to ask him if we could Skype call. We had a long conversation but I got the wrong vibe from him. He brought up his ex during the conversation and it turned out to be someone who I knew and he asked me if I knew her (I sensed a bit of drama). I told him later I changed my mind about meeting up. Something just didn't feel right about it which I can't put my finger on. I agree with someone else that if the person is unwilling to at least try a 15 min telephone conversation, then they can't be that serious about seeing you. I wish I'd known this sooner. I told the last guy I dated that I preferred phone calls and he was happy to call me. I learned a lot from engaging with a man like that . Edited February 14, 2016 by thecrucible spelling
spriggan2 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Personally when it comes to dating sites...I prefer to meet in person first with no prior phone call. I feel like the in person meet is where the full aspect of the person is introduced. Let that be the first real impression. Phone calls when you're attempting for a spark are just so unreliable and limited. Text until you feel comfortable enough with the person to meet them, then just go for it...calls can replace texts afterward. At least then you have a better picture of the person who's on the other end when you hear their voice.
katiegrl Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Personally when it comes to dating sites...I prefer to meet in person first with no prior phone call. I feel like the in person meet is where the full aspect of the person is introduced. Let that be the first real impression. Phone calls when you're attempting for a spark are just so unreliable and limited. Text until you feel comfortable enough with the person to meet them, then just go for it...calls can replace texts afterward. At least then you have a better picture of the person who's on the other end when you hear their voice. Good point. I used to wonder if there would have been a spark/chemistry with a guy I chose not to meet based on a 5-10 minute phone call. I mean, people can be nervous as all heck during that first phone call.... so it may not be a good reflection of their personality or such a good way to gauge our vibe after all. If I ever do OLD again, I may choose to forfeit the phone call and meet in person for ice cream or something. If we're not clicking after 15-30 minutes, no biggee, simply thank him for meeting me and leave politely.
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