How should I ask her out

[morecup]

I met her from app. We met 3 times but we are just texting for a few weeks after that. There may be something wrong in the way I ask her out. I am early 30s and she's late 20s.

 

I am not American so don't know the culture here. So here goes my question.

 

1. How common is it for a guy to take a girl to a surprise date? Like driving my car to her apartment and take her to somewhere surprising. I've been just saying "See you at ~~~restaurant at 7pm Thursday" without promising to take her to there. Which one is more common and how common are they?

 

2. Also, now it will be 3rd and 4th date. Restaurant? Bar? Movie? Or..? Which one will be more common in US?

 

3. Am I strongly expected to call, rather than message, her to ask her out on a date as a guy in US? (Though apparently she doesn't want to talk to me on the phone)

 

4. Should I specify a specific date and time or should I ask like "when are you free next week?" Isn't the first way likely to fail because she may not be free then?

 

Thank you!

Edited February 14, 2016 by morecup
title fix

[SomeDude16]

1. Don't just show up unannounced to take her out, make sure she knows you're coming. Id definitely recommend picking her up if she allows it. Show up with some flowers at her door and she will be impressed.

 

2. What did you do for the other dates?

 

3. I always like to call on the phone when asking out women. It's more chivalrous and personal.

 

4. I'd say something like,

 

You-"Do you have anything major going on next week?"

Her-"No"

You-"Good because we're going out on (Insert day of week here). Ill pick you up at (insert time here). Wear (insert appropriate attire for date here)."

 

Something like that. Don't tell her what the date is going to be, let it surprise her. Hope this helps. (also just curious whats your cultural background?)

[Jabron1]

1. That is very risky early on. I wouldn't advise that you do that. And do not get flowers like the guy above said. Whatever you do, don't do that!

 

2. Do something that is part of your lifestyle and that you enjoy. You should be bringing her into your world.

 

3. Depends on the age of the girl. Most women in their early 20s like to converse through text message and social media - above 30, phone calls are more appreciated. I would just text her for now.

 

I should point out that I think her making it clear she doesn't want to speak to you on the phone is a big red-flag. I get that the young girls don't prefer it, but a woman that is into you wants to hear from you. I would take it as a sign of disinterest. Just something to consider.

 

4. I'm specific about the day. I don't say 'when are you free this week?'. I'd only send that to a girlfriend who i'm comfortable with - not someone that I've just started seeing.

 

Give her the activity and the day in the same message. She will reschedule, if she genuinely likes you and can't make it. Anything other than an acceptance or reschedule is a no, and I wouldn't ask again.

 

I'm getting a sense that you are more interested than her, than she is in you. So, chill-out a bit, mate. Otherwise, you're going to blow it.

[iWopo]

There are a few things that I would recommend, and have worked very well for me in the past.

 

1. Arrange a date and time, but keep the actual date a surprise (women love suspense). Be a gentleman and pick her up, just let her know you are picking her up (don't just show up unannounced). No gifts at all - She isn't your wife or girlfriend.

 

2. Avoid a movie. You'll just sit in a dark room for 2 hours, no communication and talking to each other. I suggest wine tasting, or taking a painting class together. You both get to try something new (bonding experience) while still get the opportunity to get to talk.

 

3. Stick with texting for now, once you two are more comfortable/established you can call.

 

4. Personally, I ask "when are you free next week", then I set up a definite date. If you just set up a date without knowing if she is free, she will flake. If you ask when she is free, you will know she has nothing planned and less chance of her backing out.