WaitingForBardot Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I'm of the opinion that it should not matter, but many times it does. Is it fair, maybe yes, maybe no, but I don't get to make those rules. So the upside is you get to save $80, the downside is you potentially put off someone you like. Personally, if I really liked the woman I wouldn't take the chance; the potential downside, whether likely or not, is simply too great.
veggirl Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 It's totally fine in the situation you described. Go for it. She needs to start reciprocating soon though. 1
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 My friend says if you want to save money on your dates there's an app you can get that has all your favorites offering two for one, etc. 1
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 It's totally fine in the situation you described. Go for it. She needs to start reciprocating soon though. Ya I was going to say...she hasn't offered to cover a tip or anything yet OP?
Tayla Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I am over the hill, so pardon if being thrifty is in my make up bag I say use it. How she perceives it can be the red flag. I doubt I would hang out with someone that doesn't see the positive in a penny saved. Would this person gripe if you saved 3cents per gallon when using your gas card? Or when getting a Buy one get one free can of vegetables? Same principle. What is tacky is equating the money spent to being the value of the relationship.
smackie9 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Just how I and some feel about it....during a relationship...who cares, but for a first date... I can't help that....it is what it is. My husband feels the same way as me lol. It has nothing to do with "value" it's point of view and compatibility. I guess me and my husband are spenders. We both like grabbing the check when the bill comes when we are out with friends. 1
scorpiogirl Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 You've spent a crap load of money on her already. If i were you, I wouldn't even consider picking up the tab for the next one-date or no date. However, if you're insisting on paying, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a groupon. If she had a problem with it, then she can cover the full cost of it. Don't try to create the feeling of a date, without outright saying that you'd like it to be a date. So far, it seems you're being taken advantage of. 2
mariekatie Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Personally I wouldn't care, I would even be impressed on how much you manage to save! Honestly you've spent way too much on her even before getting a real date? If someone really likes you, why would she care if you use a coupon or not. It's $80 and you're saving up. I would had used a coupon no matter what, I think it is realistic. Why pay $70 when you can pay $30? And how long can you keep up with this big spending? I'm a spendthrift and some would say I'm a cheapo but who cares? At the end of the day, I'm the one who gets the last laugh. I would much rather spend $50 on my daily expenses than on some date to impress someone. If you think about it, if things work out and you guys settle down in future, would you spend that money? Probably not & she might say "you never used to be like this, you're willing to spend on me". But when raising a family, $50 could mean a lot.
startingagain15 Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I'd use it in that situation. It's not like your using a two for one at a restaurant. I don't see why she'd have a problem with it, sounds like you've spent a good bit on her already.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Of course it's okay to use a coupon on a date, can't fathom for the life of me why it wouldn't be appropriate. You've already spent a TONNE on her, seriously if a guy spent that amount of money on me within the space of a few weeks I'd be digging deep two weeks ago to try and repay and make things more equal, if I was still allowing you to continue paying regularly and balked at the idea of a coupon I'd be a grade A ass. How is this even a question...? If a guy I was with was put off me because I used a coupon for any reason at all I would want to know asap as it's a sign he's someone I WOULDN'T want to date at all, someone materialistic, selfish and who gets bugged about tiny things. So, see it as a useful test if you're that bothered about it. But honestly, at this point I think you should be looking for her to take YOU out, rather than stressing that you saving eighty dollars is going to turn her off.
Author shyguy3543 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Posted February 14, 2016 A lot of interesting input here. Thank you all!! Yeah, I think I'm gonna hold off on the Groupon. Mostly because chances are that we'll be going on a weekend night since I have to cancel for tomorrow (I've got a nasty sore throat and don't want to get her sick right before she goes on vacation for a couple of weeks...bummer I probably won't get to see her before then) and the Groupon can only be used Monday-Friday. And she has offered to pay each time. The first time we got dinner, she pulled out her card but I said it was on me. She asked if I was sure, I said yes, and she thanked me. The second time, it was the same situation (but with my friends) and she tried sticking a $20 bill in my pocket and I said she can cover my tea at some fancy tea shop we've been talking about going to instead. When the cashier at the snowboarding place gave us the total of $140, she actually handed over her credit card before I could even pull mine out. She has been trying to pay, I'm just voluntarily making myself broke! :laugh: Maybe I'll just let her pay this one... even if it is our "first" date. Or I'll cover dinner and she covers the other go-kart stuff.
Robratory Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Well, my advice would also have been not to use a coupon because it carries a "cheap" connotation. But beyond that, you two are spending much more money than you should before you've figured out if you're dating or not. I mean, you're a student and maybe she is too. Treating each other to Chinese take-out (two items on rice - $6.95) is fine, but $140 on snowboarding? Splurges like that should be discussed in advance and, ideally, shared between the two. Even at dinner, if she offers to go dutch, accept it. If she offers to treat, accept that too. You call yourself "shy," and you mentioned that the snowboarding time had a definite "date feel" to it. I could be wrong, but it looks like you're trying to get her to like you by being generous. That doesn't work. If a woman likes you, she won't like you more because you spend money on her (well, she might, but that's even worse). And if she doesn't like you, you spending money on her won't change that (you should hope not). To find out if she likes you, you have to stop wondering and start doing. You have to let her know that you like her, and if she doesn't run screaming, you then give her smooch. You have to take that big leap, even if she shoots you down. 1
thecrucible Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 I don't think I'd like a coupon on a first date usually, unless the guy is very discreet about it. Say if you're going out for dinner, you could easily mention in advance "I know this place with a good deal and I thought it'd be great to take advantage of it. Want to join me?" then at least that's up front. Or you can discreetly ask the waiting staff to use the coupon on your bill but hand in the coupon before you go for the date or something. So I think it depends on how you handle it and how you set expectations for the date. You can treat it like a spontaneous going out together rather than a big deal of a date and hint at more special dates to come. 1
Robratory Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 (edited) Say if you're going out for dinner, you could easily mention in advance "I know this place with a good deal and I thought it'd be great to take advantage of it. Want to join me?" Yes, going cheap is fine as a way to enjoy something otherwise totally out of our economic league. I think that's the main distinction. If you wind up spending about the same amount, but use a coupon to get much better value, then it's ok. For example, if you'd normally spend $30 on dinner for two at Cheap Tony's Italian, a coupon that lets you and your date have dinner for $30 at Maison Foo-Foo is fine if you frame it as "you and me, babe, getting one over the system!" Yes, seriously! But getting a BOGO coupon for Cheap Tony's? No, that's just cheap. Edited February 15, 2016 by Robratory 1
katiegrl Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 See, this is exactly what I'm thinking. It could go either way so easily! For what it's worth, she's 28 and I'm 27, so we're in the younger end of the spectrum, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. To me, saving $ is good. If it were the other way around and it were her paying for me when we go somewhere (even if it's the first time), I wouldn't think anything about it. I'd actually think it's great. $80 isn't exactly pocket change! But she's a classy girl who seems kind of more on the old-fashioned side. I honestly don't know how she'd take it. Since you don't know how she will react, and since this is your first *official* date, it's best to err on the side of caution and NOT use it. Once (if) you start dating regularly, then you can pull out the groupon/coupons.
Author shyguy3543 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Posted February 15, 2016 UPDATE UPDATE UPDAAAAATE!!! I've made my decision. I'm not going to use the Groupon. The biggest reason is because in the fine print of the groupon it says that it can't be used on holidays, and tomorrow is President's day. How awkward would it have been to have bought the groupons (being an risky thing in itself) and pulling them out just to be told "oh, we can't accept that today. You have to pay full price." Crisis averted!
Zapbasket Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 Nothing wrong with using the Groupon and don't waste any further thought / worry about it! It doesn't mean you're cheap; it means you are pulling all the stops available to you to design the best date possible. You could, when giving the waiter the Groupon (is that how it works?), wink at your date and say, "Gotta do what I can to make my student income go as far as I can; I really wanted to take you here!" Unless she's a Grade A Prima Donna, she'll not only understand, but appreciate all the effort you are making. (PS I love crepes!)
Zapbasket Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 UPDATE UPDATE UPDAAAAATE!!! I've made my decision. I'm not going to use the Groupon. The biggest reason is because in the fine print of the groupon it says that it can't be used on holidays, and tomorrow is President's day. How awkward would it have been to have bought the groupons (being an risky thing in itself) and pulling them out just to be told "oh, we can't accept that today. You have to pay full price." Crisis averted! Whoops; posted before I read your update. Good you read the fine print! Have a great date.
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