How do I fix it

[WIDESTI]

Been dating this girl since September things have been great I see a future with her she has never done ANYTHING wrong. We've been inseparable since day 1. I've been with girls who's gone behind my back and have done shady things but this girl has just been perfect. She gorgeous has a good head of her shoulders, doesn't get around, accepts me for who I am.

 

So last month I was a little nosy and went out of my way to look through her phone just to be curious. She ended up finding out and getting mad and made a huge deal about me not trusting her.

 

I know I shouldn't have done that and now this thing has been in the back of her head.

[Satu]

You violated her privacy.

 

Privacy is a very fundamental human right.

 

She has every right to be angry about it.

 

Lets hope she forgives you.

[Redhead14]

Been dating this girl since September things have been great I see a future with her she has never done ANYTHING wrong. We've been inseparable since day 1. I've been with girls who's gone behind my back and have done shady things but this girl has just been perfect. She gorgeous has a good head of her shoulders, doesn't get around, accepts me for who I am.

 

So last month I was a little nosy and went out of my way to look through her phone just to be curious. She ended up finding out and getting mad and made a huge deal about me not trusting her.

 

I know I shouldn't have done that and now this thing has been in the back of her head.

 

just to be curious

 

girls who's gone behind my back and have done shady things

 

You are basically making her pay for the sins of those other girls. "Just curious" is a cover . . .

 

All you can do is apologize, explain that you know what you did was wrong and why and let her deal with it as she will.

[Gaeta]

Remember how you felt when your ex did shady things in your back?

 

That's how she feels now.

 

You can only give her a heartfelt apology and tell her it will never happen again. Then leave it alone.

[WIDESTI]

Thank you everyone for the honest replies. This has been someone that I have been genuinely happy with since the split with my sons mom over 2 years ago... So I definitely want to make it work.

 

If in fact I do trust her 100% even before I was curious and looked do you think it is something that can be forgiven?

[Gaeta]

If in fact I do trust her 100% even before I was curious and looked do you think it is something that can be forgiven?

 

Yes, if the rest of your relationship is good she will come around and forget about it. You have to let her process everything on her own. Trying to convince her to forgive you won't play in your favor. Leave her alone and she'll calm down and start thinking of all of your good sides.

[Redhead14]

Thank you everyone for the honest replies. This has been someone that I have been genuinely happy with since the split with my sons mom over 2 years ago... So I definitely want to make it work.

 

If in fact I do trust her 100% even before I was curious and looked do you think it is something that can be forgiven?

 

 

Only she can answer that for you . . . it's her call. It is a very personal thing to dole out forgiveness. If this is the only time you've done this or haven't ever breached privacy boundaries before, she might give you a pass this time. It's a tough call.

[smackie9]

If in fact I do trust her 100% even before I was curious and looked do you think it is something that can be forgiven?

 

 

I don't think she can forgive you unless you can be totally honest to yourself and her and admit it....you don't trust her, because if you did you wouldn't have given it a second thought. Just own it for f sakes.

 

If my husband just blew it off as curiosity I would be absolutely furious.....more lies would come to mind....I would be hard pressed to trust him.

[Maggie4]

She forgiving you is just one incident. This disrespecting another's privacy is an ongoing way of doing things. Just stop doing the things you shouldn't do (you know what those things are, this is just one example). And be consistent, then you are good, even if she doesn't forgive you.

[WIDESTI]

we definitely talked about it and I owned up to my mistake. Yes that is the only large issue that had her thinking twice. We have been normal since and still doing the things we do but it has come up in her mind. I just assure her. And in retrospect some of you are right. When we first started dating yes I had my doubts (it was the beginning) but I don't doubt her or even tempted to do or think anything negative now.

 

Thank you all again for the different perspectives.

[ExpatInItaly]

Forgiveness depends on her. She and you both know you weren't looking just "to be curious."

 

I had an insanely jealous ex who constantly tried to go through my phone. Not long after I ended that relationship, I was dating a guy and he tried to do the same. I called it off immediately, as I don't ever want to put up with that crap again. Let me be clear: I'd done nothing to warrant that, never cheated or even flirted with other men. But the memory of being with someone who has trust issues and problems with jealousy were too much of a red flag. I couldn't stay with someone who felt he had a right to violate my privacy so we stopped seeing each other.

 

You've done all you can do now. She might forgive you but it will be in the back of her mind for a while. Keep in mind too that sometimes women are taught that if the partner is suspicious, it's because he is up to no good himself. I'm not saying that's true or that you are are cheating - not at all. But unfortunately, it's common rhetoric and could give her pause.

 

See how the next few weeks go. If she's behaving as normal, you can probably still get back on track. Use this as an opportunity to do some self-reflection - are you really ready to trust again? Sounds like the past is still haunting you.