I've lost my smile. And myself :(

[username001]

]Comparing to who I was, to who I am now, it's really sad. I don't smile no more. The last time i did my face hurt, because it was so long since i did. Im never happy, everyday is agonising and depressing. I'm not fun anymore, not funny. Its like my entire personality has died. And the guy I was died as well.

 

I could never imagine i would've been this person. I have depression. Ik I do. I use to try and play it off but I can't anymore. My life is going nowhere really. Hate my job. Pays **** but I gotta do i.

 

Relationship ended and I thought things would've gotten better after a while. She doesn't even wanna see me. Tried to get together a few times but she doesnt care. She makes no effort. She just told me whenevef she can she will

 

Im getting tired if this life man. And im young. 23 soon. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be out enjoying my youth, enjoying my life. But I don't

 

The worst feeling to carry is crying without tears.

This feeling ever goes away? Ik everyone says it does but my life is not looking up whatsoever.

 

This thing gets harder and harder. The hole gets deeper and I can't climb no more. Tired of fighting this feeling. Just so tired now. When will things look up.

 

I can't even take myself shopping to get some new gear. I don't even feel like taking care of myself. I dont eat often, honestly, I just feel like I'm living to die. Just work, home, that's it. Where can i find motivation to make things better. To make my life better.

[anna121]

I'm sorry. I've never been a 23-year old guy but I've certainly been in bad periods (work-wise) that coincided with a bad break-up.

 

It does get better.

 

Does your job generally line up with what you wanted to do - but is driving you crazy - or is it not at all what you want to do and you just took it out of necessity?

[username001]

No I never liked it. Its just something I gotta do to pay the bills and eat. I'm not really qualified for more than what I have. And it'll take me a while to save up before I can afford to start back skl.

[username001]

I wish I could change jobs. But I can't. I need this or I might as well live on the street. Losing my girl was the worst. I miss her a lot. I dreamt her all night last night. We talked a bit today and I tried to make a meet up but she doesn't really want to.

[TaraMaiden2]

Go to your doctor.

Explain you're suffering from depression.

Ask him to refer you to a counsellor, and for some medication, as long as it's not addictive, and you can wean yourself off it over a period when you won't need it any more.... and also sign you off work for a while.

Use that time to (one) go, maintain and stick to No Contact, and (two) to look for another job.

 

If you have to shed old feelings, wipe the slate clean, get proactive, and do something for yourself.

Go running, keep fit, work out, swim, sleep well, and eat well.

 

Start digging your way out of the hole you've fallen into.

[username001]

I really want to get help. To stop feeling this way. I'm worked up over a girl who doesn't care about me. And idky irdk

 

You'd think after going through so much in life that it would change you. Make you better and stronger. I just seem to be losing more everyday than gaining anything.

 

Got into a fight with my father the other month. He broke my arm. Its healed up a bit but still hurts.

 

I cant take being a mess no more. It hurts

 

Every single day i say tomorrows gonna be better. But it never is

[TaraMaiden2]

Right, ok. Wallowing is all very well, but if you don't like the stream you're in, get out and chose another one.

 

Results and actions are in your hands.

Nobody can do it FOR you - but you can be ably assisted - if you consider the advice I've given you.

[username001]

I try. I really do. I signed up other places for jobs. Not much luck, got through with one but was very far away and I do not have a vehicle. Travelling would've been awfuly difficult.

 

I started gym but i couldnt commit to it. Things just always came up. I play my sports as well but nothing feels good anymore. Nothing makes me happy. I hate myself for the way i let myself become. A shell of a man might be the best desription.

 

I listen to all the advice I get here. And I try to make a difference in my life. But its like after every damn obstacle there's a bigger one. Always happens to me ever since I knew myself.

 

Having my girl was the best part of my life. She really doesnt care bout us anymore. Nor how we were best friends and shared so much. She just forgot all of it.

 

And im struggling with everything. People have so much going for them, i dont envy them but i wish i had what they had. I wish there could be someone here for me, to just give a push. Its hard to face it all alone when you got it rough.

[TaraMaiden2]

Like I said: Start by making an appointment with your doctor.

 

Take it form there.

Healing has to start somewhere.

Might as well pick the most logical place.