Dealing with insecurities...

[Revenant22]

Hi all,

 

I'm a 23 year old, in a relationship with a 19 year old girl. We have known each other 6 months, been in a relationship 4 months. We broke up more than once in the past (she became depressed). Her depression improved massively, she gave up alcohol for a month (she drinks heavy when she goes out), started a new diet, and exercise regime, and got accepted into college. We got back in touch, and are now dating again. So far, everything is perfect, but I am having some feelings that I'm not sure how to deal with.

 

Cheating is something we all fear I'd imagine, and I know it comes down to trust. However, even so, the following has been circulating around my head for the past couple of weeks:

 

- She likes to get quite drunk when she goes out to bars. Her friends are all single and always look for men, sometimes to the extreme of leaving my girlfriend alone. There have been times that she's been alone, and random guys have just grabbed her, and tried to kiss her blatantly. We couldn't spend Valentines together due to commitments elsewhere, but she's going to go to a bar with her sister (who she dislikes, and who bullies her), and I know she'll get really drunk, and guys will be all over her. Also, I'm worried the alcohol will drag her back into that depression rut again.

 

- She's going on a girl's holiday for a week in June. These girls mentioned above (her friends) will all be absolutely wasted drunk, and worst part, since she is staying with 2 other girls in the one apartment, the other girls will be taking guys back to the apartment to have sex with them, RIGHT beside my girlfriend. (This is what happened when she went on her last holiday just after we met.) Again, just feel a little 'weird' about that.

 

She has never cheated on me, the closest thing being a kiss she had during a phase when we were broken up, something I won't hold a grudge for.

 

My nature, I've never been insecure about myself, but maybe due to my trust being violated in the past (she broke up with me out of the blue twice), I'm a little insecure about being cheated on.

 

How can I tackle this mentality and defeat it before it ruins the relationship?

 

Thanks everyone.

Edited February 13, 2016 by Revenant22

[d0nnivain]

In the very beginning of a relationship you are in the Honeymoon stage, where everything should be smooth & problem free.

 

 

Yet you & this woman who have only been dating for 120 days have broken up more than once. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.

 

 

Your "insecurities" in this relationship are not a problem. You know things are wrong. That is why you don't feel at ease in the relationship. Perhaps stop trying.

[Qboro90]

Your gf should know that it's not the best idea to go out with her single friends on Valentine's Day while she's in a relationship if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm not saying she can't go out with her friends and do whatever she wants. However, in my experience, most girls who are in love with their BF or care about him and don't want anyone else in their life, won't go out to a bar and place themselves in an environment where she will be surrounded by single men who think that all the women there are single and looking for comfort sex (just a blunt way of saying it, not literally meant).

 

If you tell her "I always want you to be able to go out and socialize with your friends, I just can't help but feel a lik sketched out about it on Valentine's Day. Knowing you're around a ton of guys who will get to see you and don't know that you're my girl. I know you can handle yourself and I trust that you're not gonna cheat on me or do anything stupid, but just because I know how "social" your girlfriends can be sometimes when they go out... I just wanna be able to be honest and tell you it makes me a little worried/uncomfortable"

 

If you explain it that way so she feels like you love her and trust her then she should react well and perhaps change her mind about going out or reassure you so you feel better about it. But if you make it sound like you're telling her not to go then that's not gonna end well. Def don't wanna make her mad right before she goes out drinking around a bunch of dudes.