mariababy Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 (edited) My bf dumped me over the phone and has been ignoring me since. I sent a few desperate texts the same day and 1 over the next 2 days if we could try work things out etc to which he didn't respond and ignored. I have stopped texting and started giving him space. During our relationship, I made it firm and clear that I didn't want any contact with him if it ended which I knew he clearly understood because in our last phonecall he said "Guess this will be the last time we both ever speak to each other". However, because it ended abruptly and he is ignoring me, I wish he would just talk to me. He can be quite selfish at times and stubborn when he makes up his mind he stands by it. I am only day 2 into NC. I know NC will help me heal and move on even if he doesn't contact me but at the same time, it ended so abruptly that I miss him so much and want some closure from him. Will he ever contact me again? Edited February 13, 2016 by mariababy Summarised 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 How long were you together, and why did you break up? 1
Author mariababy Posted February 13, 2016 Author Posted February 13, 2016 We were together for 8-9 months and this isboth our first relationship... He broke up with me over the phone saying that this relationship wasn't healthy because we were "always too honest" and "forcing ourselves to make the other party happy". I don't understand what he meant by that and I never saw it coming because firstly I never felt that way and secondly it happened when he was away for a couple of days in another city for a conference and before he left, everything was still normal.. 1
Satu Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 Snip I am only day 2 into NC. I know NC will help me heal and move on even if he doesn't contact me but at the same time, it ended so abruptly that I miss him so much and *want some closure from him. Will he ever contact me again? *Closure comes from within, when you fully accept that the relationship is over. Nobody else can give you that closure. He doesn't want to be with you. Do you really want to hear that said again? *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 We were together for 8-9 months and this isboth our first relationship... He broke up with me over the phone saying that this relationship wasn't healthy because we were "always too honest" and "forcing ourselves to make the other party happy". I don't understand what he meant by that and I never saw it coming because firstly I never felt that way and secondly it happened when he was away for a couple of days in another city for a conference and before he left, everything was still normal.. Did you two argue a lot or something? I don't understand what he meant by that comment either. How was the relationship up until this point? Also, may I ask how old both of you are? 1
Author mariababy Posted February 13, 2016 Author Posted February 13, 2016 Snip *Closure comes from within, when you fully accept that the relationship is over. Nobody else can give you that closure. He doesn't want to be with you. Do you really want to hear that said again? *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. Thank you Satu! I have done pretty much everything. Except 'sending messages' is hard for me to follow because it is so tempting but I keep reminding myself not to. 1
Author mariababy Posted February 13, 2016 Author Posted February 13, 2016 Did you two argue a lot or something? I don't understand what he meant by that comment either. How was the relationship up until this point? Also, may I ask how old both of you are? No, we didnt' argue a lot but there was a lot of tension in our relationship because my family opposed it and it was both our first serious relationship, so we communicated a lot about our feelings and it got emotional sometimes. I am going on 30 and he is 25. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 No, we didnt' argue a lot but there was a lot of tension in our relationship because my family opposed it and it was both our first serious relationship, so we communicated a lot about our feelings and it got emotional sometimes. I am going on 30 and he is 25. Can you give an example? That might help me understand his reasoning for ending this. 1
Author mariababy Posted February 13, 2016 Author Posted February 13, 2016 Can you give an example? That might help me understand his reasoning for ending this. It is both our first serious relationship and we always talked about how we were feeling, why we felt that way and how insecure we were etc. The last time he initiated breakup was 3 months into the relationship because he felt that "we were too close" and it distracts him from opening up with others while I am around which was bad for him. Eventually he decided that he didn't want to go through the breakup. After that incident, whenever he feels down, he would mention how grateful he was to have someone who listens to him and he never went through it. A month ago he got into meditation and met a few mentors which he became really fond of and highly regarded. He started confiding in them more than me and highly regarded their opinions as well. I never once interfered and always encouraged him because he was an introvert. I'm not sure if that made him decide that he was better off without me since he is able to be more open to others and doesnt want me "to know everything" anymore? 1
Author mariababy Posted February 13, 2016 Author Posted February 13, 2016 Also, because this is my first break-up, How do I get rid of the feeling of betrayal? The feeling of being used and thrown away? How do I put behind me the fact that someone I gave all my time and effort to, just got rid of me in a heartbeat? I know I am repeately told that I am worth more than this but I am not upset because I don’t think I will never find love. I am not upset because I think I lost the love of my life. I am not upset because I don't think there is anyone better than him out there or would love me more than him. I am upset because I feel used. How do I get over that feeling? 1
Satu Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 Also, because this is my first break-up, How do I get rid of the feeling of betrayal? The feeling of being used and thrown away? How do I put behind me the fact that someone I gave all my time and effort to, just got rid of me in a heartbeat? I know I am repeately told that I am worth more than this but I am not upset because I don’t think I will never find love. I am not upset because I think I lost the love of my life. I am not upset because I don't think there is anyone better than him out there or would love me more than him. I am upset because I feel used. How do I get over that feeling? Feel your anger and express it in a healthy way. Anger is a natural part of healing from this kind of experience. The key to dealing with anger is externalising it. You can do this by: Speaking about it to a trustworthy person, writing about it, or any other means of expression that works for you. Anger is very physical, so physical ways of externalising it can be be particularly helpful. Some examples are: Going to a place where nobody can hear you, and shout it out as loud as you can, for as long as you can. Hitting a punch bag until you can't punch any more. Breaking something and then breaking the fragments, until the pieces are small enough to grind beneath your boot/shoe. Slashing up cardboard boxes (pycho-style) with a big knife. ( This was a favourite of mine ) You can think about this and come up with your own ideas. When you feel and release the anger, it leaves you feeling fresh and clean inside. Take care. 1
Recommended Posts