katiegrl Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 As Gaeta said, he can *tell* you anything he wants .....what do his actions *show* you? That's what counts, words mean jack shyt when not followed up by actions. What are his actions showing you tonight? No he is not too busy to respond to you...he's on FB. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Look how much you are filled with frustration and you've only been dating 4 months. I don't care how busy he is. He can reach to you between jobs, before he goes to bed, when he takes a leak, while he waits for his coffee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 At face value, I'd just assume he was out having fun and had turned off his phone. I believe that being able to disconnect from the demands of being in contact is a great thing. When I'm out with friends, I rarely check or even hear my phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 She did ask (previous thread) after which he harshly snapped back, telling her he is too busy to contact her, then proceeded to ignore her texts for the rest of the night. Oh I see... that's not good.. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 He claims to be 100% into me, recently even said he'd be absolutely heartbroken if he lost me and that he'd never break up with me without a huge reason and that I'm already as important as a family member to him. I just don't get it... I would also understand the need for alone time but as you say, he then goes on facebook and comments some pictures of his relatives, but from another account, not the one I usually write to. Might be a short distraction in between of his endless work, but then he could as well call me for a second too... He may very well be 100% into you, but he can and/or only wants to give you 10%. I just don't get it -- He doesn't want to lose you. But, he wants you on his terms and only those terms. He wants you to change for him, negate your own needs and conform to his schedule. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 At face value, I'd just assume he was out having fun and had turned off his phone. I believe that being able to disconnect from the demands of being in contact is a great thing. When I'm out with friends, I rarely check or even hear my phone. Don't think he was out though, he lives far from the city with no way to come back at night and only goes out when I let him come over afterwards. I trust him not to go out on friday night behind my back. But I hear what you say about disconnecting. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Also Lorenza ...you do come across as a bit needy IMO. Your four calls tonight, for example, telling him you had a rough day and need his support? So please call you back? After you just spent a beautiful and close couple of days with him? The guy needs space, and you are essentially begging him to call because you had a rough day. He is probably thinking "oh hell, what now." Again, you need to learn when to pull back. I understand you get anxious, we all do, but it's important to contain your anxieties and not burden him with them. He may feel suffocated, although I know that is not your intention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 As a general rule, it's best to call/text/email only ONCE. He returns your call whenever. But do NOT make a second call. Think about it, what's the point of that second call/text? It's not like you can text-nag him into picking up. Besides, chances are the second call will be ignored as well, and you make yourself more upset. Who knows what he is doing, maybe watching porn... nobody knows. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 She did ask (previous thread) after which he harshly snapped back, telling her he is too busy to contact her, then proceeded to ignore her texts for the rest of the night. Next morning he claimed that he fell asleep therefore my texts were ignored. When i first said that it would be nice if he wrote or called me himself sometimes, he said "Yes, of course" a couple of times. Then I proceded on telling how it's important for couples to have weather checks during the day, he answered: "Yes, but I am different. When I'm busy working, I forget" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 Also Lorenza ...you do come across as a bit needy IMO. Your four calls tonight, for example, telling him you had a rough day and need his support? So please call you back? After you just spent a beautiful and close couple of days with him? The guy needs space, and you are essentially begging him to call because you had a rough day. He is probably thinking "oh hell, what now." Again, you need to learn when to pull back. I understand you get anxious, we all do, but it's important to contain your anxieties and not burden him with them. He may feel suffocated, although I know that is not your intention. He told me to call him if I felt bad though... But I hear you, I'll pull back. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I just don't understand how can I not be that woman to inspire him, when he says I'm all he needs and he admires and loves me? He literally tells me everytime we meet how sweet and nice girl I am, I just don't understand... He's been with women who would treat him cold and would keep distance and he claims how he would never want to go back to that. They were also controlling and jealous, which I'm not - unlike them I never snoop, never complain about him going out on his own etc. How he can be adoring and then ignore me... About the calling and writing - i even checked how many times I called him this month. I called on 5 different days this month, today 4 times, the other 4 days - 2 times each. He answered me once and called himself 1. Am I acting crazy? Is it too many calls? But I hear you all and will stop reaching out by myself completely He's been with women who would treat him cold and would keep distance -- I would suspect that they were responding in kind to his behavior . . . they weren't putting up with his sh*t. They put up with it, until they couldn't anymore. Even in the last few threads, you've been advised to stop calling and texting him . . . why, because he's ignoring you and being cold . . . And, he's probably going to notice because he knows it's the beginning of the end. He's seen it before. And, he may come on a little stronger to reel you back in and in a short time will revert to the same old him. They were also controlling and jealous -- I'd say they, like you wanted and needed more from him and started pushing him, started becoming frustrated and attempting to pull him in. They were jealous of all the time he put into everything else instead of them. You are reading the writing on the wall written by others who've gone before you. Listen to them, they know what of they speak. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Next morning he claimed that he fell asleep therefore my texts were ignored. When i first said that it would be nice if he wrote or called me himself sometimes, he said "Yes, of course" a couple of times. Then I proceded on telling how it's important for couples to have weather checks during the day, he answered: "Yes, but I am different. When I'm busy working, I forget" The problem here is you keep believing every damn thing he *tells* you, like it's gospel or something. Again, words mean jack shyt when not followed up by actions. Frankly, and I have said this before, I think the guy is full of crap ...but you keep believing everything he tells you...when his actions say something completely different! Why do you do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Next morning he claimed that he fell asleep therefore my texts were ignored. When i first said that it would be nice if he wrote or called me himself sometimes, he said "Yes, of course" a couple of times. Then I proceded on telling how it's important for couples to have weather checks during the day, he answered: "Yes, but I am different. When I'm busy working, I forget" If it's just this one issue about picking up calls and texting back, you may want to compromise. And maybe you set an alarm on his phone that reminds him to call you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 The problem here is you keep believing every damn thing he *tells* you, like it's gospel or something. Again, words mean jack shyt when not followed up by actions. Frankly, and I have said this before, I think the guy is full of crap ...but you keep believing everything he tells you...when his actions say something completely different! Why do you do that? I guess I see honesty in his eyes... He almost died 4 years ago, makes me want to trust him, knowing all the things he went through. Maybe it's naive... Thing is I don't normally believe what people tell me, but him somehow I believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 , he answered: "Yes, but I am different. When I'm busy working, I forget" So why do you call him while he is working? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 If it's just this one issue about picking up calls and texting back, you may want to compromise. And maybe you set an alarm on his phone that reminds him to call you. An alarm to remind him to call her? How old is he, 12? Lol He doesn't need a reminder ...he knows he should call. He doesn't want to call, period. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 If it's just this one issue about picking up calls and texting back, you may want to compromise. And maybe you set an alarm on his phone that reminds him to call you. Yes, it's basically just this issue that is bothering me the most, or not even the phone thing specifically, but how he doesn't see much around him whenever he submerges himself into his work. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I guess I see honesty in his eyes... He almost died 4 years ago, makes me want to trust him, knowing all the things he went through. Maybe it's naive... Thing is I don't normally believe what people tell me, but him somehow I believe. Would you by any chances suffer from Mother Theresa's syndrome? You need to take care of the poor and the sick? Lorenza, him battling cancer and coming close to die does not make him a better person. Actually people that have almost died before change their life to spend more time with their lived ones, not the other way around Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 So why do you call him while he is working? He's basically working all day sometimes even all night. He's always working and I'm pretty sure it's true since he demonstrates jaw dropping results.. The only way is probably to not call at all which you recommended as well Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 He claims to be 100% into me, recently even said he'd be absolutely heartbroken if he lost me and that he'd never break up with me without a huge reason and that I'm already as important as a family member to him. I just don't get it... I would also understand the need for alone time but as you say, he then goes on facebook and comments some pictures of his relatives, but from another account, not the one I usually write to. Might be a short distraction in between of his endless work, but then he could as well call me for a second too... Am I the only one wondering why he has two facebook accounts? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 Am I the only one wondering why he has two facebook accounts? One professional and one for close friends. I've got both of them in my friend's list though. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Guys that don't answer or don't call back is because they don't want to......take that as a hint they are not that into you. pretty simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 One professional and one for close friends. I've got both of them in my friend's list though. Maybe I'm too cynical, but I smell something rotten in the state of Denmark. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brokengirl85 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Not answering the phone on a Friday night (and not one time but four!) plus not getting back to you looks really bad. I'm sorry. Words are words. It's really easy to say I love you but if you don't follow up your words, those words loose the meaning. He could say whatever, but facts are facts. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Lorenza, sorry to say this but what this boils down to is incompatability. He needs LOTS of space (emotional and physical)... and you need lots of closeness. This is not gonna change, he is who he is, and you are who you are. As a result, he may (and probably does) find you suffocating and needy, and you find him cold and aloof. Every once in awhile, after he gets enough space, y'all come together, only to have him pull back afterwards (as he's doing now), leaving you hurt, confused and angry...once again. Is this how you wish to live? I don't see how this is ever gonna work ....seriously. Different needs for space and closeness are huge issues...and rarely, if ever get resolved. Sorry but I really do think it's best you move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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