Vincenator Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 It's been over a month since the breakup happened, and I seriously feel like the relationship was just a happy dream that I just woke up out of, almost as if me and her never existed as a couple. I seriously can't believe that it's over, when me and her felt so happy and content together. We went from talking to each other everyday to strangers in less than a month and it just doesn't feel right. I find it so ridiculous that the two of us poured out our heart and soul to each other and shared so much history together, only to have her tell me that she no longer loves me. It's like what we shared together for a year and a half was just all a lie. Is it really normal to feel like this after a breakup? It really makes me feel sick to think that this is where me and her start disappearing from each other's lives, when we were in each other's lives everyday for so long. I imagined such a hopeful future together, only for it all to be torn down... How do people honestly start living again without their ex, after they shared their lives together for so long? Or live with the fact that their ex won't be in their lives again anymore? It feels like this would be a lot easier to get over if my ex was a toxic person, because if that is true, it wouldn't take much to convince me that I don't want her in my life anymore. But my ex was such a innocent person... Am I really moving on if I'm starting to feel like the relationship was just a happy dream? I keep going from wanting her to back, to hating her, to letting her go. I feel like I'm moving on and that I've stopped thinking about her as much, but then I realize that she's gone and that she won't be in my life anymore and it just sets me back...
Emaize3 Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 Hi Vincenator.. What you're feeling is normal because I have the same feelings and the same questions. Also a year and a half for us, wonderful relationship, him in my life every day and now he's gone! Just like that! It's been 3 weeks for me since the BU and I'm doing NC. He never once tried to call or text me. Everybody here will say "give it time" and that is true but at this point, we just feel like we will never get to that happy point in our lives ever again. Such a horrible thing to deal with. You're not alone my friend. Watch this video. I think it may help you. Hugs 1
lovebug_5858 Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 I agree, it is normal. When it comes down to it just keep in mind that it takes two to make things work- you can't and wouldn't have been able to do this all on your own. I have a program I bought specifically for getting yourself together after a break up and a really hard but true thing said was that people don't throw away things valuable to them. If she wanted this, you would know. 1
Brando Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 You're getting there. The fact that you bounce between wanting her back, hating her and letting her go....this is just part of the process. Soon, you will only want to let her go. My advice is to be strong. Get excited about being single. Get excited about what you learned and find your confidence again. As great as she was (I also believe my ex to be an amazing woman and have no bad word to say about her, besides "how dare you dump me" lol) you have to realize she is not that person anymore. She doesn't reciprocate the feeling anymore. So, it you time!!! Better yourself. Reflect hard!! You have time now. What would you like to do with this new time? Become passionate about something. Fitness? Sports? Whatever you're into. Work out, new clothes, new hair...etc. do whatever makes you feel better. I became a gym rat and met a ton of new people and achieved a fitness level I've never hit. With that came new confidence, more attention from women, more energy, beat depression and so much more. If you focus 100% on you (it's really your only choice, so commit to it) you will probably not even be interested in her anymore and be really excited to find the next woman. Always upgrade! You'll be fine. 2
lovebug_5858 Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 You're getting there. The fact that you bounce between wanting her back, hating her and letting her go....this is just part of the process. Soon, you will only want to let her go. My advice is to be strong. Get excited about being single. Get excited about what you learned and find your confidence again. As great as she was (I also believe my ex to be an amazing woman and have no bad word to say about her, besides "how dare you dump me" lol) you have to realize she is not that person anymore. She doesn't reciprocate the feeling anymore. So, it you time!!! Better yourself. Reflect hard!! You have time now. What would you like to do with this new time? Become passionate about something. Fitness? Sports? Whatever you're into. Work out, new clothes, new hair...etc. do whatever makes you feel better. I became a gym rat and met a ton of new people and achieved a fitness level I've never hit. With that came new confidence, more attention from women, more energy, beat depression and so much more. If you focus 100% on you (it's really your only choice, so commit to it) you will probably not even be interested in her anymore and be really excited to find the next woman. Always upgrade! You'll be fine. Amazing advice! By far the most inspiring I've seen in some time.
Author Vincenator Posted February 13, 2016 Author Posted February 13, 2016 Thanks for all the replies! And yeah the only way I'm finding myself surviving this breakup is to only think about the present day and taking this as an opportunity to be the guy I always wanted to be. It just kind of sucks because she was always the first person I would tell everything to, and I always find myself wanting to tell her how my day was, especially now that I'm doing a lot more in my life. 1
Brando Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 Amazing advice! By far the most inspiring I've seen in some time. Thank you for saying that.
Brando Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 Thanks for all the replies! And yeah the only way I'm finding myself surviving this breakup is to only think about the present day and taking this as an opportunity to be the guy I always wanted to be. It just kind of sucks because she was always the first person I would tell everything to, and I always find myself wanting to tell her how my day was, especially now that I'm doing a lot more in my life. It takes time, but trust me, if, and only if, you focus on you and self improve will you be able to heal quickly. Otherwise you will just heal because you will just finally be so sick of pain that you'll just go numb. Stop the what if's, feeling of inadequacy, all that.....just stop! Commit to something that's not this girl and do you! You can't tell her about your day. Tell your friends and family. I can't express it enough to improve yourself! In any way possible! There is so much you can do. I really recommend fitness because you will meet new people, it releases endorphins, gives you confidence and so much more. Do what your into. Take a new class, join a club. Just do something!! I promise if you start a new journey for yourself and your building yourself....in some time you will see the flaws in her and you will also be so happy with your improved self you will get out there and find the next! 1
Lalibela Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 I don't have an answer for this but I feel you so so much - when your number one suddenly disappears from your life it's like having your arm cut off, something irrevocably missing, and I wonder when the pain will ever end. For me, even distracting myself is painful, because once I snap back to reality it hits me all over again. My only tip would be (if you can) seek therapy to process your grief in a controlled way so it won't rule the rest of your life. Then, spend the other hours in your day living in the present moment, getting by minute to minute, trying to be someone you want to be. And, as much as it's a cliche, see if you can try to be grateful for the happy time that you did spend together, because inevitably you will have grown in that time, and it will prepare you to love again. Hugs and best wishes to you 1
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