troubles with my ex

[alfie jackson]

hi i really need some advice, i came out of a long term relationship just over a year ago, this woman was the love of my life and i was the love of hers (she still says this to this day), it wasn't a nice split and we both said things we wish we hadn't, the break up was tough, we both went of the rails a bit and saw our fair share of other people, then around 6 months ago we bumped into each other, then we started texting each other then we met and we have had a casual relationship ever since, but we both talked about our feelings and how we still loved each other it wasn't just sex, the about a month ago we met and she told me a guy who she met a year ago (for 2 weeks but he had a girlfriend and then just ignored her for a year) had got back in touch and that he was sorry and she was going to meet him and she wanted us to be just friends as she didn't think we would work, by then id already fallen in love with her again so obviously i didn't take it to well and went to bits a little, we were still texting and she said she was confused, the txts continued and she said if she can't have me then she doesn't want anybody and she thinks she should be on her own, this left me proper confused, then a week later she messaged me saying he had been in touch again and he had bought her a present to say sorry and he wanted to take her out and she was going to go, this was a week after she had txt me saying if she can't have me she doesn't want anyone, she is still messaging me like we are friends but I'm all over the place, really confused as to what to do next, any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you

[Scarlett.O'hara]

She is playing games, and you are allowing her to do it. You have to look out for yourself, which means protecting yourself for being hurt.

 

If she loved you as much as you love her she wouldn't be meeting up with this other guy and filling you in on all the details. That isn't love, it is cruel and selfish.

 

Perhaps now is time to block her number and go no contact for good. No one deserves to be treated this way.

[alfie jackson]

thank you so much for your reply, its absolutely killing me this, part of me thinks do i hang around and see what happens but then i hate myself for feeling like a mug, my heart is feeling absolutely smashed, I'm a grown man and i hate feeling like this, i feel like i am absolutely destroyed and she is acting like she hasn't a care in the world, thanks again for your reply

[alfie jackson]

she is dropping my top off in half an hr and I'm trying to summon up the strength to act normal

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I'm not surprised you feel that way. I could never never allow myself to be someone's second choice or back up plan. It is humiliating and insulting.

 

I'm sure you have better options out there. Once you have had time apart and can think more clearly, I think you will see that she doesn't deserve your love.

 

I guess if you are going to continue to see her though, that will never happen. She will keep playing you for a fool.

 

Continuing to talk to her is a bad idea. You would be wise to ask her to leave the top at the door and not talk to her at all, but clearly you aren't through torturing yourself yet.

 

For your own sake, keep it brief and look and listen to what she says objectively. You will see how much she gets off on hurting you and playing games. Some people are addicted to the drama they cause.

 

Be strong.

[alfie jackson]

I'm going to go outside and get it from her and not let her in, do i tell her i don't want to speak to her or do i just ignore her messages? I'm not going to see her again after tonight, i know I've got many months of bad days ahead but i can't be her back up, i would never do that to her, i never thought she would do this to me seeing as I'm "the love of her life" this feeling is horrible i feel like I'm dying inside

[Scarlett.O'hara]

If you tell her that you don't want to speak to her anymore, you need to be prepared for her to pull out every trick in the book to get you to change your mind. It is all just empty words and tears, remember that! Do it quickly then leave, try not to get caught in a long emotional discussion.

 

If you don't think you can handle that then just wait till you get back inside, then block her phone number, email, everything! You need to be that thorough so she can't mess with your head while you are trying to get over her.

 

I know it hurts terribly right now but you are only going to hurt more in the long run playing these games.

 

You will get through it.

[mightycpa]

I think she really likes this guy, and she feels so sorry for you, thinks that you're so pitiful that you can't handle the truth.

 

When you see her, ask her to wait outside, that you're going to go put your top inside. Don't tell her you'll be right back. Just ask politely if she can wait for you outside. When you get inside, start blocking her on your phone, and all other electronic sites.

 

Then don't come out again until she leaves. At some point, she'll understand what you really meant and she'll leave madder than a hatter, never to be seen again.

[alfie jackson]

stood my ground and told her I'm sick of being a mug, she cried and gave me the usual BS but I've had enough of it, i aint being 2nd best for anyone.. blocked on everything time for me to put this sorry mess behind me, thanks for your advice, much appreciated

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I'm so glad that you stood your ground and didn't fall for her empty words.

 

I hope you are doing ok.

[Been]

You did the right thing. Now you have to stick with it.

Remember actions speak louder then words. All she was telling you was bs-she was just stringing you along.