Puglife Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 This was my first relationship, it began in high school, and lasted 5 years through college.The relationship had ups and downs. Usually I always seemed to have everything together while he didn't. He had low self esteem the majority of the relationship. He didn't have a good job, lived with his parents, and he flunked out of school. Throughout the relationship I always tried to help him out. I have literally dropped everything if he needed me. I would drive him around to put in job applications, I helped him work on his self confidence, I listened to him when he was having problems with his parents, and even lent him money when he needed it. He cheated on me at 3 years and I took him back and completely changed my approach from being relaxed to needing to know where he was and who he was with at all times. He didn't like it but agreed to the terms so I would take him back. This obviously backfired and he started to feel like a "prisoner". We started to really fight all the time. After the cheating I encouraged him to join the military cause he wasn't in school and didn't have many other options. He dropped about 60lbs to join and I wrote to him and waited while he was gone. When he got back in 2015 things seemed to better. We no longer fought and I was starting to let go of the control I had and I was close to fully trusting him again. I hit my own rough patch in life with problems with my job, family, and school. I let the stress overtake me and I wasn't the most positive but I tried not to take it out on him. In august we had our first big fight since he got back which was about money and he told me that the relationship and me hasn't improved despite me doing the best to make him happy. This caused a tremendous amount of stress for me. A few days later I told him that I don't need the extra pressure he is putting on me and he got upset and broke up with me over the phone stating I need to learn to love myself. I begged him back for a week which didn't work He blocked me on everything and I haven't seen or heard from him since then. Now I know he is back to being friends with the girl he cheated on me with, he is dating someone now who it seems like he treats her better then he treated me. Every now and then a friend will tell me he will post something about him not having freedom in the relationship. Things started to look up for me since the breakup. I have a good job and my own place and honestly seem to be enjoying life more than when I was with him. I have more friends and I am not stressed out as I was. The problem is that I am still extremely angry about everything that happened. The anger comes to me anytime I get any romantic offers from a guy, Its been 6 months so Im not against dating again but the thought of another relationship disgust me. It also feels like every guy I talk to, I see similarities of my ex which makes me want to vomit. The way I feel now that the relationship ended is used, like I gave my time and love to help someone who didn't have it all figured out and they leave me the moment they figure themselves out. It is angering and I can't see myself every caring that much about someone again. I want to move forward and I want to date again but I feel like I can't until I let go of what happened. Its not fair to punish another person for my last relationship. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and have any advice?
BC1980 Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 Anger can be a difficult emotion. In my case, it went away with time and distance. NC for sure. But I did allow myself to feel the anger. Unsent letters are a wonderful thing. After breakups, there are usually a lot of things to be angry about, but NC and time usually soften or neutralize those emotions. I would recommend telling your friends to stop letting you know every time he posts something on social media. That just triggers the emotions and the turmoil. After a 3 year relationship, I still dealt with anger for 2 years. It was on and off. Just keep focusing on yourself and your new life, and, eventually, you will not care enough to even get angry. It will become uninteresting and not worthy of consideration. You also might need to consider that you are angry at yourself for not acting on red flags. I've been there and done that. Sometimes, realizing that you could have acted differently can be empowering.
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