smile95 Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 ot of sight out of mind does not work when you were long dist to begin with! All of my thoughts about him I am reaslizing were made up in my head since i never saw him. It was easy to build him up being LD. I would think I could tear him down just as easy? I do not have closure. We never broke up? Do you think that in a month or two I can call and talk to him? Will I still want to after time? All of you who know my story know what isgoing on....I think he may call me in a few weeks, but if I do not get the chance to put him in his place, can I call him later on???
miss-gonewest Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Beth, you need to be totally honest about WHY you want to call him... Is it because you really do want to put him in his place? If so, what will it achieve? Will he be ready to listen to you tell him all about his faults? Would you be receptive if someone rang you to tell you off? Or do you want to call him to try and reason with him to get him to see how you are feeling? This is the same as point 1 - to see your side, he has to see how he has hurt/mistreated you, and that means taking responsibility. Or do you want to try and work things out so you can have another go? If so, is this what you REALLY want? Be very sure about why you need to talk to him... and have a very good plan or script for what you are going to say. Otherwise, keep on keeping on - be strong, believe in NC and honey, start looking around for another feller... there are so many out there that would love to look after you. Go find one!!!
Fallen_Angel Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Look at it this way...how are you going to get over someone if you're constantly forced to deal with his physical presence?!?! I haven't seen my ex since the breakup. Yes, I've taken this whole thing very hard, but if I actually SAW him I'd be infinitely worse off. How can you spend time with your ex when all you want is to revert back to what you had before? I realized I did put my ex on a pedastal. No guy is perfect. I made a list of things I'd like from my next relationship - basically a list of things I did NOT get from my ex. Make a list yourself. Refer to it often. You won't get anywhere by letting such thoughts run circles in your mind. I've seen other posts discuss closure, and some have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing. I happen to agree. Every answer you get will eventually lead to more questions, all centering around just one: "Why aren't we together?!" I STILL have questions, and when my ex broke up with me we spent most of the night talking, so I was able to ask him and tell him whatever came to mind. Time will be my only closure. I need to close that chapter of my life, and start anew. Of course you're still going to want to call your ex. But why should you? Shouldn't you take control of the situation?
twilijt Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 This is like my situation. Her letter really upset me. I never thought she would get so defensive. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t64419/ Don't send him anything or put him in his place. He'll lose respect for you. I lost respect for the girl I was with.
Author smile95 Posted June 10, 2005 Author Posted June 10, 2005 well 16 days into NC, I think I am just having random thoughts. You all are right. Why do I want to call....to get ignored? To get more hurt? To find out something I would not want to hear? I am just really scared that time is not going to heal me. I am going to make that list list of what I want in a guy as sugested and see that he was not it. I just get upset becasue I have no idea why we even stopped talking? I know I did nothing and as you all know he has done this to me 5 pther times, so if the past repeats itself, he will call after a bout a month....but really, do I WANT him to? Why would I wan t to be with someone like this? Thanks for letting me vent. I jus really really hope that 30 days in to NC, I will feel better and the hope and thoughts will fade. thank you
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