Jabron1 Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 (edited) There's usually drugs, usually cut with speed so you stay awake all night. If she did as the Romans do at this party, and came home as per your wishes, she'd end up listening to headphones dancing by herself in the living room with a fuzzy blanket while you slept. Which would suck for her - just to give you peace of mind. She could take ecstacy, go home, and cuddle all night to chill-out tracks. I think he just made a huge mistake moving in and trying to settle with a party-girl. But, essentially I agree with you. He needs to immerse himself in that lifestyle, or break up with her. Edited February 12, 2016 by Jabron1
Jersey born raised Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 Serious dude, mirroring is almost always a bad idea. If you care for someone you to one degree or another you seek to create a sense of cormfort and safety in the other person. You adopt habits that encourage people to have faith in you. Healthy boundries are those attitude and habits we adopt to preserve and protect that what which we value. You want good teeth, brush several times a day, floss, regular cleaning. Simple right? Gets complicated when it's two people with different perspectives. As to her going out. Both of you should expect each other to update each other as to where, with who, and when you shpuld start worrying. Question for you to answer, and then ask her. Is this relationship a live in friends with benefits no string attached or something more and what does that mean. Being able to reach you in case of emergency, when to expect you home is what couples do. Note this is not you telling her she can't go out, it is you being able to be with her if she needs you. It means at time saying to her " hey persons A, B,C want to head out to a techo Friday night, I'm tied up but I thought you might hanging with them. Why don't yo give them a call. Do you see the difference ? Also this might be a shyt test. She might be fishing to see your level of commitment and also how controlling you are. Tough spot. Speak in the tone with the reasons you want to know as I suggested you will get an A. If she reacts very negatively, stay calm and simply say you amaze me, I want this to grow. It is just a case of me showing you I do care if something gap happens to you. It's not you going out, it's me being aware so if I need to reach you I can and to know when I need to worry. If she still refuses yield gracefully with a hug, it's cool. If she still reacting shrug you shoulders and say "growing together always has bumps, but your worth it for me" and walk away. Don't engage on the subject just keep agreeing. Always allow a person space and time to mull things over.
Jersey born raised Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 Also 60 year old to 22 year old me. Get and read His Needs - Her Needs, and 5 languages of love. You will avoid a lot of pain. Great long term relationships just don't happen. They take a spark, and then thought, seeking wisdom, EMPATHY, patiences and work. 1
Jersey born raised Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 Kyta brings up a great point. What is the normal routine for a night out like this? If it is normal to crash locally? Don't demand a change in routine. Instead simply confirm it. As in "Crash at X, home 3ish ? (say 3 if the norm is 1) Cool have fun see you then. Let me know if things change". That's it, no more and don't investigate or question afterwards. I am guessing your past actions has her guard way up. Can you share? Usually posters start by hinting at an issue they have. Doing so leads to really bad advise. When she is out and your climbing the walls, just vent here big time. Just start the post with "need to vent since I have jealousy issues, it's me, not her" Stay focus on you, stay positive on her.
lolablue17 Posted February 13, 2016 Posted February 13, 2016 So, if your Gf is able to have fun while you're at home worried, I don't find any hope for this relationship. I think that when someone in a relationship is stop taking his\her partner in their considerations, the is the beginning of the end of that that relationship. I wouldn't feel comfortable going somewhere if i knew my partner feel hurt with it. I mean, suppose i had a girlfriend who was too controlling and wouldn't want me to go with my friends. In that case it wouldn't have helped if i was just going there, ignoring her feelings. After few times of respecting her wishes, I would have left her. Because I can't enjoy having fun while my Gf is hurt.
health Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 Lol I left a girl who went clubbing all the time. The kicker? Her sleeping over at a friends house. The result? Her rebounding off our 5 year relationship in 3 days. More? Her on welfare with guy whose on drugs while I have my own place and stack money lol save yourself the time and heartache. Club girls can be brainless.
ASG Posted February 14, 2016 Posted February 14, 2016 She could take ecstacy, go home, and cuddle all night to chill-out tracks. I think he just made a huge mistake moving in and trying to settle with a party-girl. But, essentially I agree with you. He needs to immerse himself in that lifestyle, or break up with her. Did you miss the part where OP is also a party boy??? They met at a rave! Also, I think people are mossing this little tidbit here... she hasn't actually gone to a rave on her own yet! She's just said that she would and she will, eveb if OP objects. All of this is hypothetical. And OP, setting a curfew for your gf is NOT on. You are not her parent. And this applies whether the curfew is midnight or 8am. Adults don't like to be treated that way. You want to enjoy your time without looking at your watch and going "oh, I'd love to stay, but the first train is in 20 minutes and I have a curfew." Raves last sometimes until the mid morning. With or wihout drugs. Why would you make her not enjoy the party? And why wouldn't you go with her?
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