xcupid Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Agreed, what he did was inappropriate. If you had kept it light and breezy but still maintained your boundaries things might have turned out differently. The text message was a bit over the top, don't you think? He probably felt like he was being chastised - which he was - but you could have done it differently. Put it down to a lesson learned and move on. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I feel so bad. Do u think if he liked me he would reach out again? Not in this instance. You made it clear to him that you didn't like the butt touching. Even if he liked you, when you told him you didn't like what he did, he took that to mean you were not interested so whether he liked you or not, after concluding based on your texts that you did not like him, he decided to leave you alone. 2
fenix Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 wait a sec... all this because a guy touch a bit the but of a girl in a date (not even garbing it)... Some of us are touchy, you can say you don't like it and that is all... I don't even think he was looking for a hook up just because of that...
SSJROMANCE Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I just didnt know how to do it in the moment, because he put his hand on my butt for just a second and I didnt know how to say it without seeming uptight. I just thought the first date wasnt the right time to be doing that, even if it was a one second touch. He did it again, but tapped by butt after kissing. Do you think that if he really liked me he would still reach out even after this? That depends. If he is very sexual he may think you are somewhat of a prune for a lack of a better term. But if that is not what you want then I wouldn't pursue him. But if he respects you and is attracted to you then he would reach out. Otherwise I would move on.
GottaBeBoosted Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I went on a first date with a guy on Saturday. He was nice and funny, was a pretty cool guy. At one point, he kinda touched my butt, not grabbed, but he did touch it (knowlingly) for a second. Then after we kissed, he tapped it. Not slapped it but tapped it with his hand. At the time i didnt say anytjing because I didnt know what to say in that moment. After dropping me off, he texted me that night saying he had an awesome time with me and during the date he even mentioned wanting to one day take me to this other restaurant he thinks I might like. Anyways, I texted back saying that I also had a great time with him. I then sent a text saying that I noticed he touched my butt a few times, and that if he is just looking for a hookup, I'm not interested in that. He said that he was sorry and that he sometimes just gets touchy feely. I then said this, and Pleasssee let me know if it sounds mean. I don't know if I blew it with him: Ok it kinda was too soon for me, that's why; i never really had a guy do that, so I kinda felt weird. If you're looking for a quick hookup, i'd like to know so i dont waste my time. If so, theres other chicks for that, I'm not one of em, you know? He replied with I appreciate u being upfront about it and I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm not looking for just a hook up either. I guess I just got a little comfortable too soon. I then said thanks for understanding. He hasnt reached out since and Im worried that maybe I scared him off. What do you think, was what I did too much? I say good for you!! A gentleman just wouldn't have done that on a first date... But, if he really liked you then I feel like he would actually understood where you were coming from (which it appears he did not) & tried to make up for it on the aforementioned second date.
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I do not think any dating coach apart from maybe a PUA one, would suggest touching a girl on the butt twice, on the first date.
WomenWubber Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I see nothing wrong with what you did. I'd argue you were kind and nice, but firm on your stance. The guy has done you a favor by filtering himself out. You were not compatible.
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I see nothing wrong with what you did. I'd argue you were kind and nice, but firm on your stance. The guy has done you a favor by filtering himself out. You were not compatible. I agree about the lack of compatibility because the two touches that the OP found offensive were not that terrible. The guy wasn't wrong either. These two people just have different ideas about what's OK & those ideas don't mesh. 1
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 (edited) agree about the lack of compatibility **because the two touches that the OP found offensive were not that terrible. --- ***The guy wasn't wrong either. These two people just have different ideas about what's OK & those ideas don't mesh. I dunno d0nnivain.... if a guy I was on a first date/meet with ...reached back behind me and put his hand on my butt while I was sitting at the bar (which is the way it happened the [first] time)....I probably would have gotten up and walked out. That's just rude. And believe me, I am NO prude! If you and others don't agree ...so be it I guess. Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Punching in late here. What do you think goes in the mind of a man when he chooses to touch the @ss of a woman he is having a FIRST coffee meeting with? @SS!! that's what's on his mind!! and he doesn't care if it offends you or not, he's taking his chance that it's gonna work on you and you'll end this somewhere with him. If it doesn't work on you then he's lost nothing, he doesn't care either way. How many men in their right mind would think to themselves after 15 minutes spend with a woman : when she gets up I will pet her ass I am sure she will like it ! c'mon! Now, if after a date he kisses you and you push your tongue down his throat that's something else but in this case here he touched your ass before you even agreed on kissing him. You have lost nothing. Not sure WHY you'd like to see this guy again. At that rate he'll grab your mom's ass when you take him home for Sunday dinner. 4
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 (edited) I dunno d0nnivain.... if a guy I was on a first date/meet with ...reached back behind me and put his hand on my butt while I was sitting at the bar (which is the way it happened the [first] time)....I probably would have gotten up and walked out. That's just rude. And believe me, I am NO prude! If you and others don't agree ...so be it I guess. I missed something. I thought the 1st instance was he was putting his arm around her at the bar & grazed her butt. I thought that was perhaps inadvertent from the way it was described. The 2nd event I thought was standing waiting for the valet & the OP more described it as a non-verbal cue for her to move / get her but in gear akin to how 1 athlete might tap another. I never understood either touch to be a full on grope. By my position to the OP has always been the same. She didn't like it, as is her right. She told him. My interpretation of his silence there after is the message he received was that she was not interested in dating him so he just went away. No harm no foul. The OP is on here wondering why the guy hasn't called. He hasn't called because his standards for what is OK on a date are different from his & since he knows that he's has self selected to opt out. He is allowed to want what he wants too. Edited February 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
jen1447 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 But if he respects you and is attracted to you then he would reach out. Toward her ass? 2
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I missed something. I thought the 1st instance was he was putting his arm around her at the bar & grazed her butt. I thought that was perhaps inadvertent from the way it was described. The 2nd event I thought was standing waiting for the valet & the OP more described it as a non-verbal cue for her to move / get her but in gear akin to how 1 athlete might tap another. I never understood either touch to be a full on grope. By my position to the OP has always been the same. She didn't like it, as is her right. She told him. My interpretation of his silence there after is the message he received was that she was not interested in dating him so he just went away. No harm no foul. The OP is on here wondering why the guy hasn't called. He hasn't called because his standards for what is OK on a date are different from his & since he knows that he's has self selected to opt out. He is allowed to want what he wants too. Sorry, the bar incident is the way it happened the *first* time. -- OP's post no. 40.
truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 You have lost nothing. Not sure WHY you'd like to see this guy again. At that rate he'll grab your mom's ass when you take him home for Sunday dinner. This would make for a great SNL skit. Guy goes to meet girlfriend's parents and grabs everyone's ass.
fenix Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I don't know, some guys use this tactics to measure the level of intimacy you are willing to give and obviously he felt comfortable enough doing so. You both filtered out yourselves by the way you behaved because you are obviously not compatible, he is looking someone whom allow him a level of intimacy pretty soon and you want to go slowly down the road. You didn't find his move amusing and he didn't find your reaction amusing... I guess that clears it out. You go ahead and forget about this guy. 1
truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Take a man's advice on this one, as I called this correctly way before OP got into more detail... I know how men are because I am one. This guy had getting laid on his mind getting ready for this first date. After the date OP was uncomfortable with the ass touching and she let this scumbag know about it. What did he do? He didn't give her a sincere, OMG, I'm so sorry, apology, let me make it up to you... instead he gave her a con man response and will most likely never see her again. First date I go to meet the lady, we talk and if by lucky chance there are fireworks, I'll get a kiss. I DO NOT grab her ass at the bar when I barely know her. The only way I could see myself grabbing the ass of a woman on the first date is if we were going at it like animals in the car or at someone's place. In that instance, ass grabbing is a must. 2
fenix Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Take a man's advice on this one, as I called this correctly way before OP got into more detail... I know how men are because I am one. This guy had getting laid on his mind getting ready for this first date. After the date OP was uncomfortable with the ass touching and she let this scumbag know about it. What did he do? He didn't give her a sincere, OMG, I'm so sorry, apology, let me make it up to you... instead he gave her a con man response and will most likely never see her again. First date I go to meet the lady, we talk and if by lucky chance there are fireworks, I'll get a kiss. I DO NOT grab her ass at the bar when I barely know her. The only way I could see myself grabbing the ass of a woman on the first date is if we were going at it like animals in the car or at someone's place. In that instance, ass grabbing is a must. The thing is that I am also a man, and when I was dating and I felt comfortable with a woman I would get touchy too and I never had a bad experience by doing so. I guess the guy misread OP... it can happen... but I don't think it is such a dramatic thing... she didn't like it and let him know (well done) and he decided that they were not compatible and moved on... This is a non issue...
truth_seeker Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 The thing is that I am also a man, and when I was dating and I felt comfortable with a woman I would get touchy too and I never had a bad experience by doing so. I guess the guy misread OP... it can happen... but I don't think it is such a dramatic thing... she didn't like it and let him know (well done) and he decided that they were not compatible and moved on... This is a non issue... Uhh, you just met the woman and you go directly for her ass? He then tried it again when they were outside. There's light touching on the hand, arm... why don't we forget about handshakes and grab their breasts? Hi, I'm TS [grab breasts] nice to meet you!
jen1447 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 The thing is that I am also a man, and when I was dating and I felt comfortable with a woman I would get touchy too and I never had a bad experience by doing so. I guess the guy misread OP... it can happen... but I don't think it is such a dramatic thing... she didn't like it and let him know (well done) and he decided that they were not compatible and moved on... This is a non issue... Yes, it's already resolved. Meanwhile we're still analyzing the nuances of sth the guy himself probably didn't even think about before he did it. 1
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Picture this though. First meet. You are *sitting* at the bar , facing each other, talking, getting to know each other. You, the man, for some reason, have an uncontrollable urge to touch her butt, so you *consciously* reach back and put your hand "underneath" her butt, palm open, and touch it...while you are still talking. And you don't think this is rude and disrespectful? On a first meet??? Okie doke!
fenix Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Uhh, you just met the woman and you go directly for her ass? He then tried it again when they were outside. There's light touching on the hand, arm... why don't we forget about handshakes and grab their breasts? Hi, I'm TS [grab breasts] nice to meet you! Bringing the situations to the extremes and ridiculing the experiences of other posters doesn't make your own the only valid one. As I said, I used to be touchy if I felt comfortable with a woman and it never worked badly for me... obviously you need to expend some time with someone before you feel that comfort. Whatever, I don't blame either OP or the guy, they are just different! Hey maybe OP has an amazing ass and the guy couldn't resist!
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Bringing the situations to the extremes and ridiculing the experiences of other posters doesn't make your own the only valid one. As I said, I used to be touchy if I felt comfortable with a woman and it never worked badly for me... obviously you need to expend some time with someone before you feel that comfort. Whatever, I don't blame either OP or the guy, they are just different! Hey maybe OP has an amazing ass and the guy couldn't resist! How would he know if she had an amazing ass? They were sitting down.
fenix Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Picture this though. First meet. You are *sitting* at the bar , facing each other, talking, getting to know each other. You, the man, for some reason, have an uncontrollable urge to touch her butt, so you *consciously* reach back and put your hand "underneath" her butt, palm open, and touch it...while you are still talking. And you don't think this is rude and disrespectful? On a first meet??? Okie doke! Lady... sometimes I had sex with some ladies within the first 1/2 hour after we met, not to talk about touching a butt... I guess you can read the situation and have a feeling on how things will work... obviously OP's date misread the situation.
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Bringing the situations to the extremes and ridiculing the experiences of other posters doesn't make your own the only valid one. As I said, I used to be touchy if I felt comfortable with a woman and it never worked badly for me... obviously you need to expend some time with someone before you feel that comfort. Whatever, I don't blame either OP or the guy, they are just different! Hey maybe OP has an amazing ass and the guy couldn't resist! fenix, at first I felt same as you. Read my earlier posts.. But then the OP clarified how it actually happened. Him consciously placing his hand underneath her butt while they were sitting at the bar, chatting. Again, this is a first meet.
katiegrl Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Lady... sometimes I had sex with some ladies within the first 1/2 hour after we met, not to talk about touching a butt... I guess you can read the situation and have a feeling on how things will work... obviously OP's date misread the situation. Dude ...I had sex with my ex the first night we met...and we were together six years after that night. So what? Rude is rude. 1
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