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Asked a co-worker out....She stood me up....Now I Have to see her at work....

RedRider600

By RedRider600
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RedRider600 Member

RedRider600

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I met a girl at work who seemed to be totally into me....In fact she was more into me than I was into her. Suddenly the tables turned when I fell in love with her. Suddenly her intetest began dwindling, she started acting distant and becoming a total jerk. Her cockblocking cousin (also female) made a comment that we "would never be a couple" and that "she was going to put a stop to it". Wethr it was serious or a joke I dont know. On Monday I txt her and received no reply. I called her and invited her to a cup of coffee. She told me that she was too tired but that we could go on Tuesday. Come Tuesday I txt her and called her and recrived no reply or answer. She stood me up. I dont know her very well, our conversations have beem brief....Was I moving too fast?...And the only reason I kicked it into overdrive was because all of my friends were telling me to get to her before anyone else did. I also did it because anothet guy got her number last weekend. He was telling everyone that he didnt like the way she txtd (in abbreviations).

She never txtd me in abbreviations so was she trying to play/blow this guy off too?....Shes very flirty and in the past another co-worker asked her to "meet him in the breakroom"....She never showed up....She once made a comment to another co-worker that she "likes to test guys"....What do you people make out of this girl?....And what should I do when I run into her at work?...

yxalitis Established Member

yxalitis

Posted
Posted
I met a girl at work who seemed to be totally into me....In fact she was more into me than I was into her. Suddenly the tables turned when I fell in love with her. Suddenly her intetest began dwindling, she started acting distant and becoming a total jerk. Her cockblocking cousin (also female) made a comment that we "would never be a couple" and that "she was going to put a stop to it". Wethr it was serious or a joke I dont know. On Monday I txt her and received no reply. I called her and invited her to a cup of coffee. She told me that she was too tired but that we could go on Tuesday. Come Tuesday I txt her and called her and recrived no reply or answer. She stood me up. I dont know her very well, our conversations have beem brief....Was I moving too fast?...And the only reason I kicked it into overdrive was because all of my friends were telling me to get to her before anyone else did. I also did it because anothet guy got her number last weekend. He was telling everyone that he didnt like the way she txtd (in abbreviations).

She never txtd me in abbreviations so was she trying to play/blow this guy off too?....Shes very flirty and in the past another co-worker asked her to "meet him in the breakroom"....She never showed up....She once made a comment to another co-worker that she "likes to test guys"....What do you people make out of this girl?....And what should I do when I run into her at work?...

 

One, use the "enter" key please., they're called "paragraphs"

 

Two, this is why you don't date coworkers.

 

Three, what language is that, upper gibberish?

  • Like 6
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
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She once made a comment to another co-worker that she "likes to test guys"....What do you people make out of this girl?....And what should I do when I run into her at work?...

 

She's a player.

 

What do you do? You act professionally and courteously and move on.

 

And - what Yxalitis said - don't date from the work pool and (please) use paragraphs.

  • Like 3
angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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Did you agree on a specific time and place to meet on Tuesday? How did she stand you up?

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RedRider600 Member

RedRider600

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Angel Eyes....It wasn't specific....She offered to go out on Tuesday....I asked her where she wanted to meet and she said she had "some things to do" so she would let me know. But I txtd her telling her that I was available at "x" time and even called her.....While there was nothing specific she could've called and txted back....She is a very busy girl and will often flake on friends as well but the deal breaker is that she ignored me....

yxalitis Established Member

yxalitis

Posted
Posted
Angel Eyes....It wasn't specific....She offered to go out on Tuesday....I asked her where she wanted to meet and she said she had "some things to do" so she would let me know. But I txtd her telling her that I was available at "x" time and even called her.....While there was nothing specific she could've called and txted back....She is a very busy girl and will often flake on friends as well but the deal breaker is that she ignored me....

 

She didn't stand you up!

You assumed she had a confirmed arrangement when absolutely none existed.

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RedRider600 Member

RedRider600

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....Yeahhhh but she didn't have to be a jerk....and could've replied or answered her phone....Like I said she says that she likes to "test guys"....so I don't know if this is one of her stupid tests.....

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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RedRider600,

 

.She is a very busy girl and will often flake on friends as well but the deal breaker is that she ignored me..
..

 

So you knew what she was like and still tried to date her?! She's a waste of time!

 

When you see her at work you are polite but cool and keep it thoroughly professional.

 

And I agree with what others say - don't date co-workers.

  • Like 1
angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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....Yeahhhh but she didn't have to be a jerk....and could've replied or answered her phone....Like I said she says that she likes to "test guys"....so I don't know if this is one of her stupid tests.....

 

She blew you off repeatedly, and you kept trying to secure a date anyway. Clearly you weren't accepting her lack of interest. The choices were to start ignoring you or to tell you to F off. The latter isn't an option because:

  • She works with you and needs to be somewhat polite.
  • Given your refusal to recognize and/or accept blow offs, you may interpret it as an invitation.

 

She's not interested! She doesn't have to date you just because you asked. Bugging her repeatedly isn't going to change the outcome. Move on to someone else.

  • Like 4
StBreton Established Member

StBreton

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I dont know her very well, our conversations have beem brief

 

But yet...you "fell in love with her" ...OP, first, how do you fall in love with someone you don't know very well? (ok rhetorical question there)

 

Secondly, if you choose to fall in love with someone so quickly ala Romeo and Juliet...expect outcomes ala Romeo and Juliet ... meaning the death of something or other. So yes you did move too quickly ... with your emotions.

 

However, if you want to see a girl, you ask her out. It's risky to date co-workers for sure. But the heart wants what the heart wants. In essence, you went for it and this girl has proven herself to be flaky and not worth your time. I agree with CarrieT (who is very wise on these forums btw) and just conduct yourself with dignity and continue to work hard at your job. Never mention the incident again and pretend the entire thing never happened. Move on and find a girl who's worth your attentions. You did your best.

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Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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Urgh it sounds like you OP are from one of those cultures where the men are pushy and clueless and the women have little power to deal with the aggression. Hardly knowing her but 'falling in love with her', 'getting her before the others do'. Incredibly emotionally immature and aggressive. Life is not a whingy R&B song.

  • Like 2
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
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....Yeahhhh but she didn't have to be a jerk....and could've replied or answered her phone....Like I said she says that she likes to "test guys"....so I don't know if this is one of her stupid tests.....

 

No she is just too young to properly tell you to go away

smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

Posted
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Walk away from this one and recognise the difference between love and infatuation or lust. She showed interest when you initially weren't, got you hooked, then backed off leaving you hanging on. The best bet is to get off that hook and back into that ocean, with some pride still left.

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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....Yeahhhh but she didn't have to be a jerk....

No, she didn't. She chose to be a jerk of her own free will.

 

she says that she likes to "test guys"....so I don't know if this is one of her stupid tests.....

Either she likes to play stupid games, in which case dating her is a bad idea. Or she is a non-committal flake with poor communication skills, in which case dating her is a bad idea. Plus she is a work colleague so dating her is a bad idea.

 

So pretty much, dating her is a bad idea.

 

Time to move on!

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

She's no longer interested. Stop texting her and at work just act like nothing ever happened. Her cousin doesn't like you and that may well influence her.

Northwestern1011 Member

Northwestern1011

Posted
Posted
On Monday I txt her and received no reply. I called her and invited her to a cup of coffee. She told me that she was too tired but that we could go on Tuesday. Come Tuesday I txt her and called her and recrived no reply or answer. She stood me up. I dont know her very well, our conversations have beem brief....Was I moving too fast?...And the only reason I kicked it into overdrive was because all of my friends were telling me to get to her before anyone else did. I also did it because anothet guy got her number last weekend. He was telling everyone that he didnt like the way she txtd (in abbreviations).

She never txtd me in abbreviations so was she trying to play/blow this guy off too?....Shes very flirty and in the past another co-worker asked her to "meet him in the breakroom"....She never showed up....She once made a comment to another co-worker that she "likes to test guys"....What do you people make out of this girl?....And what should I do when I run into her at work?...

 

Clearly you don't understand what the term "stood up" means. She never stops you up. She rejected you. She tried countless times to ghost or slip away gently, but like so many men these days, you thought if you just relentlessly pursued, she'd change her mind. You never set a time/place for coffee. How does one get stood up then?

 

Let it go. There's nothing awkward there unless you WANT to Make it awkward. Just avoid her or better yet act like you're fine and oblivious to all future advances from her.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
I met a girl at work who seemed to be totally into me....In fact she was more into me than I was into her. Suddenly the tables turned when I fell in love with her. Suddenly her intetest began dwindling, she started acting distant and becoming a total jerk. Her cockblocking cousin (also female) made a comment that we "would never be a couple" and that "she was going to put a stop to it". Wethr it was serious or a joke I dont know. On Monday I txt her and received no reply. I called her and invited her to a cup of coffee. She told me that she was too tired but that we could go on Tuesday. Come Tuesday I txt her and called her and recrived no reply or answer. She stood me up. I dont know her very well, our conversations have beem brief....Was I moving too fast?...And the only reason I kicked it into overdrive was because all of my friends were telling me to get to her before anyone else did. I also did it because anothet guy got her number last weekend. He was telling everyone that he didnt like the way she txtd (in abbreviations).

She never txtd me in abbreviations so was she trying to play/blow this guy off too?....Shes very flirty and in the past another co-worker asked her to "meet him in the breakroom"....She never showed up....She once made a comment to another co-worker that she "likes to test guys"....What do you people make out of this girl?....And what should I do when I run into her at work?...

 

Never isht where you eat. Don't date co-workers because it's messy. Now you have to see her at work and try to play it all off. Messy messy messy. Keep it professional and work-related and quit trying to hit her up for a date. She's not interested anymore. Your behavior is bordering on harassing.

 

She is entitled to her free will and can change her mind if she so chooses. All women are entitled to change their minds about getting to know anyone, male or female.

 

Her cousin has every right to take her into her council and warn her off of anyone she thinks isn't good for her. They've known each other since the cradle. Blood is thicker than water.

 

I dare say that she's already dating someone else and whatever you wanted with her? That ship has sailed.

 

Let it go.

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
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I would completely ignore her and not give her time of day. What will happen is she will come around when you're not chasing her. When that happens, you tell her: Hey, I just want to be friends. I don't want anything more than that. Sorry."

 

That will eat her up inside. You get the upper hand. You move on.

 

BTW, her cousin sounds like a real low class b-tch. I wouldn't want anything to do with people who act like that.

 

Also, when I was much younger, I listened too much to my guy friends about how to get a girl - BIG MISTAKE! It made things worse. Learn from your experiences and go on your gut.

b-Shock Member

b-Shock

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Posted

Sorry bro. I'm sure it feels awkward at work right now.

 

You will thank yourself later if you take the high road on this one. Don't mention it to her or anyone else at work. Be professional and move on. Good luck.

  • Like 1
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

If you make a date with a girl, you need to make it specific where and when the two of you will meet. If she doesn't turn up, then you know she has stood you up. However, the arrangement you two had was far too vague. But, she didn't respond to you so I guess you will have to take it as a rejection.

 

What I would suggest now is that you act like nothing happened, continue to do your job but don't speak to her unless she goes out of her way and initiates it. Carry on being friendly and chatty to your colleagues. She will realise you are a guy with self-respect and that you are not going to chase her. She will then have to think whether she wants you or not. Whether she was testing you or what, she will have to make the effort now.

 

I was thinking how I'd react if a guy told me he was 'available now'. I'd wonder whether he meant I should arrange to meet him or what. Not responding at all to you is rude. I would just leave her be now and focus on others.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

 

Suddenly the tables turned when I fell in love with her.

 

I don't know her very well, our conversations have been brief.

 

You "fell in love" with her but don't know her and barely talked to her? [shaking head emoji]

 

I agree with everyone else, move on.

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

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Posted

All this = Zero

 

Don't look for girlfriends at work.

 

Don't mistake texts for anything that might be related to reality.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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She's saying no in a passive indirect way because she is obligated to be polite and you left her little other choice. She is not interested. She was not about to put something like down on text. She works with you and can't be outright rude. If you ask someone out at work and they don't go, don't ever ask again. And this business about cockblocking is utter nonsense. It's just that her good friend knows how she really feels and can express herself because she's not under the same obligations to be polite.

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted
You "fell in love" with her but don't know her and barely talked to her? [shaking head emoji]

 

I agree with everyone else, move on.

 

He fell in love with a fantasy and got his hopes up. Stupid, yes, but I feel for the guy.

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