fabulicious Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 [font=arial][/font][color=indigo][/color] I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year and we have spent every day together, but recently it have noticed he has been trying to get me to be like his ex, and it bothers me a lot like since he can't have her (she found another guy, shes the only girl he really liked that he went out with besides me), is he trying to turn me into her? Here's what's going on.. I have seen pictures of them together when we first started going out, and snooped a note too, being nosy as I am, and he has been trying to get me to kiss like they kissed in a picture I saw!! And in the letter, I noticed she called him "muffin"... Now he's calling me his "love muffin" as of last night, ALSO last night, we were laying down and he requested that we kissed like we had never kissed before, like we just met... That just got me very upset cuz I knew he would just try to kiss like they used to.. A week ago he said to try to kiss like that cuz it feels.. Different.. After the suggestion last night I just decided to leave, sad and confused.... Why is he doing this?? I know he doesnt' realize I know, and maybe he doesn't know? Or maybe he's consciously trying to make me into her???? Help!! I am into him but not when he's like this... When I asked if he loved her a while back he said he thinks it was more of an infatuation, (and says he loves me)... What the hell does that mean? Should I just leave him to get someone who loves ME for ME? And likes the way I like to do things??
crazy_grl Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 I dated a guy like that. His ex was slightly overweight, and he encouraged me to try to gain weight, because I was 'too skinny'. He constantly complaigned about the way I kissed and had sex, comparing it to the way it'd been with her. He also tried to make me think that there was something wrong with me because I didn't see things a certain way or like certain things. Part of it may have been his natural personality, but I figured out a great deal of it was that he was trying to make me into a replacement her. He really seemed to believe that he had feelings for me though... even though he obviously didn't really like much about me. Who knows how that works in his mind. I was so annoyed and angered by his constant attempts at manipulating me to change that I just flat out dropped him. Your guy doesn't seem to be doing things to the degree that this one did. Maybe he's trying to recreate the feelings that he got when he did these things with her. Or maybe he just likes kissing that way and isn't even thinking about her or how he felt about her. That way of kissing could be 'his' thing and not 'their' thing. And maybe he doesn't realize he's calling you the same name she used for him. Some important questions might be: Does he talk about her? If so, how often? Has he seen her or been looking at their pictures or letters since you've felt this change in him? Does he compare you to her? Has he asked you to change something about yourself (appearance or attitude) to be more like her? If it's just the way of kissing and the nickname, maybe you're being over sensitive about this. If you think it'd help, you could ask him nicely to stop calling you 'muffin'. The change you're feeling could instead mean that he feels something is wrong with the relationship and he's trying to fix it. Maybe you two should discuss how you both feel about the relationship, leaving his ex out of the conversation.
Groovy Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 I agree with Crzy-Grl, her guy was definitely trying to change who she was as a whole. But this is different. I think everyone tries to change things when they have relationships because no one is 100% perfect in our eyes. I like to be touched and kissed a certain way with my boyfriend and have asked him. He likes it when I wear skirts (it seems silly but he gets turned on when I wear them). And I have eliminated all the stupid holes and stains in his damn clothes. Just don't make any changes you feel uncomfortable with, or if you feel like it changes who you are as a person inside. But expect in any relationship a little big of suggestion of what the other person might like, what makes them happy or what turns them on.
Recommended Posts