Do you think she will return

[mrgrum]

So basically, here's the quick lowdown.

 

Met a girl 4 months ago and we hit it off instantly. I had some amazing times with her - I thought that things were going really well and I am sure she did as well. I had met her family and I had introduced to my work colleagues when we went for a meal at where I work. We were seeing each other a few times a week - work got in the way but we were constantly in contact all day, everyday. We had a really strong connection. I had also invited her for a weekend abroad for my birthday.

 

So, last week, I was supposed to go to hers on the Friday as she was cooking, on the Tuesday I got a call from her saying she's having a bad day - her ex has been on the phone and has been arguing with her. She said she doesn't like him and didn't have anything good to say about him. I noticed a change in her after this and she cancelled our dinner saying she had to work. I rang her and she didn't answer so text her asking if she was alright as it just seemed "off". I got a reply she has a lot going on and her head is all over the place.

 

The next day she texts saying "just friends" etc too much going on at work. I called her on that and said it all changed when the ex got in touch. She admitted that it was - she thought she was ready to move on but there's still feeling there, things were going really well but its not fair if she can't give me her all.

 

I had left stuff at hers so we arranged to meet up to get them back, she suggested I go to hers and get a takeaway. I went, we ate but I never said what I wanted to say.

 

Text her the next morning, saying I needed to get things off my chest or I would regret telling her - basically that I was head over heels for her, we had a connection that I have never felt before etc. She replied saying she didn't realise that I felt that way, she agreed about the connection and how confortable we could be around each other but her head is all over the place and if things are meant to happen they will do.

 

Left it saying, I truly wish her happiness in her life etc and she replied saying she thinks she will regret her decision and I am one of the nicest, funniest guys she has met.

 

 

I haven't spoken to her since - I am gutted by the whole situation. Question is - do you think she will regret it and make contact? I am not going to sit around and wait for her - I will get on with my life and continue dating other people but know that should she ever come back and I am available - I would give it another shot.

 

I have no bad feeling towards her at all, I am hurt but I know she never had any intention of using/hurting me and she is confused. I don't know if she is planning on getting back with the ex.

 

Any thoughts - greatly appreciated.

[DarkHorizon]

I haven't spoken to her since - I am gutted by the whole situation. Question is - do you think she will regret it and make contact? I am not going to sit around and wait for her - I will get on with my life and continue dating other people but know that should she ever come back and I am available - I would give it another shot.

 

She might or might not regret. It doesn't matter. As you said, don't sit around and wait. Another reason why it shouldn't matter... is because you shouldn't "give it another shot". She is not ready - clearly - and she might never be, which means that even if she comes back, she might do it again and again.

And guess what? The next time hurts ten times more.

[Logic10]

Did she tell you why they broke up in the first place? and how long was it in between her breaking up with him and you guys dating? Most likely you were the rebound used to fill an emotional void in her life. If things go sour with her ex again you'll probably be the first person she hits up, but then there's always the risk of her running back to him and you being her second option.

 

If you don't meet anyone else and you wanna date her again in the future if possible, try and do it casually without getting to emotionally invested. Just have fun with her.

[BonerFide]

This is quite sad, really, I suspect it happens quite often. I can only imagine getting to know someone when an ex that meant a lot to me came back onto the scene... I'd probably react the exact same way. Thing is, you didn't even have a fair chance. No matter how nice/funny/dreamy she finds you, excitement can't match a deep history that is still at least partially on her mind, which is why you got discarded.

 

Life is so valuable, so don't waste time waiting around to see if she comes back or not. Chances are she broke up with her ex for a reason so she probably will regret it and come back, there's a good chance of it really, but you shouldn't be there waiting because you're not someone that exists only when she's paying attention to you. I made the mistake once of taking my time in being single and expecting someone to be waiting for me and they started dating someone else! You wanna be that guy, right? Live your life, if she comes back one day and you're single and want to try it then you can think about it then. Until then, it's time to move on.

[mightycpa]

You're the rebound boyfriend. She got bounced and you caught her. Now, she's been stolen away before you could take a shot.

 

In the not too distant future, she will not be with the ex and she will not be with you. You played a helpful role in her life, by feeding and restoring her ego with your adoration, but that's about all you can claim credit for.

 

As a result, should she ever come back your way and you still feel emotionally invested, it will be in your sincere interest to stay the hell away. But if you're truly over her at that time, you can repeatedly bang her without any romantic intent as her reward for making you her rebound boyfriend.

 

It's not great news, but it is the truth.

[Satu]

Being the rebound is horrible, because matter good things appear to be, you've always got that shadowy figure in corner that just won't go away.

 

This is why a good gap between relationships are a good thing.

[mrgrum]

Thanks for your replies.. I'm not sure if she is planning on getting back with the ex.

 

Last night she was going to a ball that she had been talking about going to, I haven't spoke to her since our last conversation. She sent me a snapchat of herself at the ball, I told her she looked nice and we messaged a bit before I fell asleep. When I woke this morning, she had send me a "provocative" snap of herself at around 3 in the morning.

 

I messaged her morning, just to sort of feel her out and we have chatted a bit but I ended up cutting to conversation off.

 

Is she trying to make amends? I really don't understand why she would send that, I have made my feelings for her very clear and I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me on purpose.

 

I have taken in all your replies, and I think if I don't cut ties completely I will end up getting more hurt but she isn't making it easy!

[mrgrum]

Did she tell you why they broke up in the first place? and how long was it in between her breaking up with him and you guys dating?

 

No, she never mentioned him at all other than when she told me he had been in touch. She wasn't saying good things about him. I think we met around 6 weeks after she had broken up with him.

[Logic10]

Thanks for your replies.. I'm not sure if she is planning on getting back with the ex.

 

Last night she was going to a ball that she had been talking about going to, I haven't spoke to her since our last conversation. She sent me a snapchat of herself at the ball, I told her she looked nice and we messaged a bit before I fell asleep. When I woke this morning, she had send me a "provocative" snap of herself at around 3 in the morning.

 

I messaged her morning, just to sort of feel her out and we have chatted a bit but I ended up cutting to conversation off.

 

Is she trying to make amends? I really don't understand why she would send that, I have made my feelings for her very clear and I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me on purpose.

 

I have taken in all your replies, and I think if I don't cut ties completely I will end up getting more hurt but she isn't making it easy!

 

She's probably leaving you breadcrumbs to make sure you're an option if she's ever ready or interested in you in that way. Since you have feelings, you should go no contact on her.

[mrgrum]

So, an update...

 

Since then she has sent me quite a few snapchats and the other night messages me saying she is a idiot, she thought people could change but they can't and she is upset. I took this meaning the ex - but she didn't go on to say she made a mistake with me etc so left the conversation at that.

 

She has since sent me some more snapchats (basically letting me know what I am missing!) and messaged me last night to say she was drunk. We sent a few messages back and forth.

 

I messaged her this morning to feel her out and she said she was very drunk.

 

I just don't know where I stand with her - initially when broke up she was saying if its meant to be it will happen and she thinks she will regret her decision, but even now when she has said it didn't work out with the ex - she isn't being definitive in what she wants.

 

Its been 3 weeks but she initiates contact every couple of days. I think the next time she gets in touch - i am going to have to be firm and find out what she wants from me.

 

Any outside perspective would be helpful??

 

Thanks

[EatYourVeggies]

You are an emotional tampon. Nothing More, Nothing Less.

 

And no, that will never change, ever.

[Satu]

Snip

 

*Is she trying to make amends? I really don't understand why she would send that, I have made my feelings for her very clear and I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me on purpose.

 

 

*No, she isn't.

 

She's trying to keep you interested, because you might be useful in some way.

 

NC.