I pushed and he snapped - is he a bastard or am I a bitch?

[WhatisupwithKati]

I was seeing this guy for a year, thought he was the love of my life. I then found out he was cheating on me and broke it off. I did a year of no contact but then he got moved to my office so we now work together. It's been a year of this arrangement now and things are good. We have become friends again and we are getting along really well.

 

However, I do still harbour a lot of bitterness and resentment about what he did to me. Especially given that he is now living with the woman he cheated on me with. I just try to ignore it and get on with my life.

I do, however, make a few catty remarks to him every now and then under the guise of jokes. I'll rib him about something that I know will hurt him. I don't really mean it, and don't do it often. I guess I just want to try to make him feel just a little bit of the hurt he put me through.

 

Anyway, last night he snapped. I made a joke about his weight gain and instead of laughing it off like I expected he turned around and said "Well, you've developed quite the appetite yourself." I have put on about a kilo or two (about one pound) since I got promoted as I have been having to eat three meals a day at my desk. I've been going to the gym every day too so I'm not at all overweight, but my clothes are definitely tighter. He knows I'm sensitive about this. I felt like I'd been slapped across the face. He has never ever said anything to deliberately hurt me before. I laughed and said, 'That's kinda harsh' and instead of apologising he said, 'Well now you know how I feel.' He then tried to carry on normal conversation but I just walked out.

 

We now have to work together today and I am still reeling from that remark. I can't concentrate and can't talk to him. I feel like he deserves everything he gets and he has no right at all to be cruel to me given what he put me through during the break up. Am I being unreasonable? How do I get over this??? I feel pathetic. And fat!!

[slimjim]

Well, you were the one who started it. You admitted that you ribbed him on certain things just to dig him and you knew it would injure him. Maybe he screwed you in the past, and instead of getting over it, you decided to go into this passive-aggressive crap to satisfy your sense of justice.

 

Just leave him alone and only mess with him in a business context, or, continue your BS female games and shut the H ... up when he fights back a little. Don't spur a horse if you are not MAN enuf to ride him, and then don't bitch when he decides to buck.

 

People can only take crap for so long.

[curiousnycgirl]

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Seems like you have been hurting him all along with your little taunts, but he has been hiding it. Guess he got sick of it and snapped back.

 

I guess I agree with him - now you know how it feels.

 

I would move on like it didn't happen - as he apparently tried to do - and watch my own mouth. Even better would be to apologize for your past behaviour and promise to try not to do it again.

 

Regardless of how your relationship ended, you two now have to work together - so you just need to get over it and move on.