P88Z Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Dear Loveshack members, This is my first post and I`m trying to outline my problem with dating so far. I`m a guy of 6''4' and girls find me above average attractive over all. Since 1,5 years I`m on Tinder and I get better at getting dates with girls, even really pretty ones, and texting and flirting via Tinder is not a problem for me anymore. The problem for me however is the dating part itself, I`m quite anxious. I started meditating 5 years ago and do it daily and I also changed my diet (non-dairy, non-gluten and little meat). I notice great improvement in my mood and focus. Besides this I also work out a lot. You think that then my problem is over? Well no, I`m not consistent enough with my lifestyle changes and I`m afraid of reactions of friend of mine on my new lifestyle changes. So most times I conform and I get being back to getting anxious, bad sleep, little energy and depressive thoughts. When I`m in this mood I cannot do anything, and I have this a lot of the time. If I have energy I can take on the world! The other problem is, that I`m afraid that a girl might be turned off by my ''strict'' lifestyle. Honestly, I really like the person I am, but I`m 27 and still a virgin. The reason being is that I felt anxious the largest part of my life, and I finally have an answer to that! So the choice for me is, listening to my inner authentic self? Or keep conforming to society? 1
salparadise Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Be the person you're happy with and quit worrying. Find a nice girl and get laid. 1
Author P88Z Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Be the person you're happy with and quit worrying. Find a nice girl and get laid. Your right. You think that being happy with yourself is more attractive then conforming? 1
PegNosePete Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Your strict lifestyle might put some off, in fact it probably will put quite a lot off. However think of that as a filtering mechanism. When you find someone who accepts you for who you are (or even better, someone who shares your lifestyle!) you will have a great connection. You might have better luck meeting compatible people at events or groups that cater for your lifestyle. You'll probably get less dates, but the ones you do gte will more likely be successful.
Httm Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 There are lots of people in restrictive diets for many reasons. It makes youfeel good and that is all there is to it. Be yourself and enjoy how it makes you feel. If you have to pretend in front of your friends, then they aren't real friends. Time to grow up and gain some self confidence in the process.
Author P88Z Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Your strict lifestyle might put some off, in fact it probably will put quite a lot off. However think of that as a filtering mechanism. When you find someone who accepts you for who you are (or even better, someone who shares your lifestyle!) you will have a great connection. You might have better luck meeting compatible people at events or groups that cater for your lifestyle. You'll probably get less dates, but the ones you do gte will more likely be successful. You are right, but I don`t seem to have a choice anymore. Choosing between being depressive and having little energy or feeling energized and happy seems easier and easier. The thing is that I really love openminded intelligent woman, they probably also will accept me more quickly!
TheArtist Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Don't change who you are just to find someone (unless you're utterly intolerable and unsociable and you pick your nose and wipe it in library books). Do what makes you happy first, then find the girl that loves what you do. If you're happy with the new you, then don't change who you are, change where you look.
Author P88Z Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Don't change who you are just to find someone (unless you're utterly intolerable and unsociable and you pick your nose and wipe it in library books). Do what makes you happy first, then find the girl that loves what you do. If you're happy with the new you, then don't change who you are, change where you look. I use Tinder, and I think I will keep using it for a long time to go . To be honest, I get better at filtering on Tinder.
Yankee99 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I think you would be well served to find a cognitive behavioral therapist in your area. Someone with a PhD or PsyD, it likely will do wonders for you. He or she will help you get over these feelings of anxiousness so that you can see things in a more accurate and balanced way. It will be worth it and is nothing to be ashamed of. In summary, a lot of people view things in catastrophic terms (which leads to anxiety) when the objective truth of the matter is often much different than our perception.
strawberryshortstack Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Dear Loveshack members, This is my first post and I`m trying to outline my problem with dating so far. I`m a guy of 6''4' and girls find me above average attractive over all. Since 1,5 years I`m on Tinder and I get better at getting dates with girls, even really pretty ones, and texting and flirting via Tinder is not a problem for me anymore. The problem for me however is the dating part itself, I`m quite anxious. I started meditating 5 years ago and do it daily and I also changed my diet (non-dairy, non-gluten and little meat). I notice great improvement in my mood and focus. Besides this I also work out a lot. You think that then my problem is over? Well no, I`m not consistent enough with my lifestyle changes and I`m afraid of reactions of friend of mine on my new lifestyle changes. So most times I conform and I get being back to getting anxious, bad sleep, little energy and depressive thoughts. When I`m in this mood I cannot do anything, and I have this a lot of the time. If I have energy I can take on the world! The other problem is, that I`m afraid that a girl might be turned off by my ''strict'' lifestyle. Honestly, I really like the person I am, but I`m 27 and still a virgin. The reason being is that I felt anxious the largest part of my life, and I finally have an answer to that! So the choice for me is, listening to my inner authentic self? Or keep conforming to society? The right person won't be put off by your lifestyle. The guy I've been seeing for the last three months is very similar - gluten free, dairy free, does yoga regularly. But this doesn't bother me (as long as he doesn't push his lifestyle on me - which he hasn't seriously tried), because he has MANY positive qualities that are exactly what I'm looking for in a partner. Be you. Be what makes you happy. The right woman will love that about you.
Author P88Z Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 The right person won't be put off by your lifestyle. The guy I've been seeing for the last three months is very similar - gluten free, dairy free, does yoga regularly. But this doesn't bother me (as long as he doesn't push his lifestyle on me - which he hasn't seriously tried), because he has MANY positive qualities that are exactly what I'm looking for in a partner. Be you. Be what makes you happy. The right woman will love that about you. Thank you, this gives me a lot of hope! I`m not afraid for relationships or intimacy, but I just have to feel alright about my self.
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