spriggan2 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Im just venting here. Horrible setback in my quest to improve my social and flirtng skills. Completely blew it at a bar with a girl yesterday. Was Mardi Gras so I went out with my cousin, who's much MUCH more talkative and confident than I am, esp with women. He dared me to talk to this girl next to us who was checking me out, who was just my type physically. I wimped out, time dragged on and it was so clear she was waiting for me to make a move, so he engaged her and found out she played classical violin...I play classical piano so that was an opening for me. Got to talking with her, but I was so nervous and embarrassed for how long I'd waited, and how my cousin transparently guided me into the conversation, that I began to noticeably sweat. (I used to have a constant nervous sweat, these days it happens once in a while). Had to practically kick my cousin to bring him back in the convo because once me and the girl started talking he had assumed I was set and he totally withdrew. Excused myself to go to the bathroom and dried my face. Thought my chances were over, but when I returned and made a sheepish attempt at carrying on our conversation, I found that the girl was still warm and open and leaning in close to me when she talked over the pumping music, and her friend had joined. We talked some more but it was this weird thing where we would briefly run out of words to say, I'd turn and talk to my cousin, and she'd talk to her friend before we'd reengage. It was like boxing rounds. I found out she reads the same sort of fiction books I do, likes jazz like me, she's new to the city, so gorgeous up close, likes working out like me, was so easy to talk to and relate with, is a lawyer from DC. Compared to my online first dates, our initial measure of compatibility just seemed off the scales. Then came time to exit, when I was supposed to ask for her digits. I got up and shook her hand and smiled and told her it was nice to meet her. I had told her Saturday nights were much busier and livelier at that place and she'd said maybe she'd see me there again (she's not a regular). But right then, instead of asking for her number, I just started mumbling some weird gibberish about a book we talked about earlier, and at one point I had no words and just paused abruptly and stared at her and she looked at me expectantly and nothing came out. It was so weird and uncomfortable and pathetic, and I'm a 30 yr old man, George Costanza type failure...and I left with no info about her, worse than nothing, abject failure, self pity, self hate, depression, gloom, discouragement that I'm never going to get over my anxiety enough to confidently pursue a rare woman that I think could get on with me, even as a friend. I mean I'm not totally over my ex, but this one was the first woman who I genuinely felt I would like better than her in a relationship, which was actually mind blowing because I was crazily in love with my ex. Yet I didn't have what it takes. It was just all so miserable. Yes there were some positives but goodness, I couldn't even get her number to talk to her again...wtf.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I think you are being way too hard on yourself. You did well considering how you were feeling. She obviously thought you were a nice guy and continued chatting, but the timing didn't feel right for you, perhaps it was too soon? When it does feel right it should happen naturally.
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