airbus Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Hi, I'm new here, just thought i'd ask for some advice. Well, i've had a few g/f's in the past and i've been messed about by all of them, and they have all have ended up leaving me for someone else. Since then i've been so insecure about getting hurt. Ideally i'd love to settle down, but no-one ever wants that with me. Anyway, i'm in a LDR and i'm currently having a few problems. I live in the Southwest of England and my g/f lives in Liverpool. I will be 21 soon and she is 19. My gf is very much so into clubbing and goes every saturday evening without fail! This at first bothered me because all my past g/f's have left me for guys they have met in nightclubs (I am not into clubbing) but I spoke to my g/f about it and she said she is faithful. I do believe her, but sometimes I just wonder. She gets so much male attention because she has a larger than average size chest, and before we got together, in the last year, she has slept with 7 guys. I think she did that because shes been so hurt before that she has tried to look for comfort and security, and wanted to feel needed. She also has this friend, who is 29, that she goes clubbing with. She texts him everyday, all day, without fail, she says they are friends only, but i'm not sure. She tends to want to text him more than she texts me. I just worry though, with all the attention she gets might she take it further? We have known eachother for 4yrs, but always had partners when the other was single, which is why we only got together a few months ago, but she always said that she has wanted me. Am I just insecure because of my past experiences with g/f's, or do I have reason to be cautious? The other day we were talking and she said she loved me, but wasn't in love with me. She also added that we're still together and devoted to eachother. I don't understand though, she loves me, but isnt in love with me? She says she hates me having online female friends because she thinks they are after me. We was talking yesterday and I mentioned to her that my 21st birthday is on sunday (June 12th) and I just said that its been quite a shame for me that every year i've had a g/f over the period of my birthday, i've never had a g/f thats wanted to actually spend time with me on the day. Anyway, my gf immediately said that shes sorry, but like always she will be clubbing on Saturday night (getting home at 4am sunday morning) and then going over to one of her clubbing mates Helen's house Sunday evening (this is something she does every single weekend) Well, it just made me feel a little sad and let down. All I wanted to do was talk to her on msn sunday evening for a little while, but she has decided she will be visiting her friend instead. Is that fair? I might be selfish, but I really would have liked to have got the chance to speak to her on my birthday, as what with her clubbing and her going to visit her friend, I hardly hear from her at all on weekends, apart from 2 or 3 texts if im lucky (although she dont take her phone with her when shes clubbing neither) I know it sounds ridiculous, but as no g/f has ever wanted to be with me on my birthday, I would have really liked to speak to her then. I would have suggested a time to talk during the day, but she said shes busy with her driving lesson, and i've got some flying training (im a trainee pilot) to do on Sunday morning. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on and if anyone does offer any advice, i'd be most grateful.
tiki Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Sorry dude, but get another girlfriend. She doesn't sound like she's that into you. If she were, she'd be making plans with you, especially for your birthday! How far do the two of you live away from one another? I say find a girlfriend a little closer, someone that can commit to you.
Author airbus Posted June 9, 2005 Author Posted June 9, 2005 Hi, So I guess you think she is being unfair then? I want the relationship to work but I think my g/f needs to learn to compromise abit more? I guess this is probably one of the reasons why guys left her in the past. Is my relationship with my gf going to work? I would like to think it will but I dont want to have to keep making all the compromising. As I said, my gf lives in Liverpool and I live in the Southwest of England. Not sure on the milage, maybe 300 - 350 miles.
Giselle Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 I think that probably, you are the best person to determine if she is treating you fairly or not. Do you like her enough to overlook the fact that she would rather do what she does every weekend instead of talking to you on your birthday? I was in a similar situation with my fiance last year--he has "guy night" every Friday and my birthday happened to fall on a Friday. I would have liked to spend time with him on the day of my birthday, but we just made plans to celebrate on the following Saturday instead. It wasn't that big of a deal to me, because I don't really celebrate my birthday at all. Despite that though, she sounds pretty selfish to me and that she is just doing what she wants. Maybe she just doesn't realize it, or ya'll aren't on the same level of committment to each other in your relationship. If you want to, try talking to her about how you feel. Otherwise, I would say just drop her.
Author airbus Posted June 10, 2005 Author Posted June 10, 2005 Hi, I don't know, I would have liked to have spent some time talking to her on my birthday but I know that isn't going to happen. I am going to overlook this though, but I just wonder, does a situation like that define how much you mean to them? When you say she is doing what she wants, how exactly do you mean? How should I go about that? Whenever I ask her stuff about us, such as if she is losing interest...etc she always replies with 'shhh, don't be silly' So I don't know, I guess maybe i'm just being way too insecure?
RecordProducer Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 This woman doesn't really love you and she admitted that. The clubbing thing is not really important, but I understand your feelings and I would feel exactly the same as you do. This relationship is going nowhere, if you ask me. She doesn't even want to be with you on your birthday? You are so young, you will find your true love some day. Don't settle for less! Most of the people we date are the wrong ones and some people don't even date so often. Happy birthday!
Marshbear Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 The other day we were talking and she said she loved me, but wasn't in love with me. Get out. This means she loves you like a brother and not like a sexual partner. Is this what you want? She will leave you when she finds someone else. Before you get hurt farther, end it and find someone else that is in-love with you. Peace...
Author airbus Posted June 11, 2005 Author Posted June 11, 2005 Hey, I had a talk with my gf last night and she said that she feels the same about me as I do about her. We seemed to get on really well and it just felt so different and much better. She did say that she thinks I should know how she feels though. Does this seem right though? I am just taking a wild guess, but maybe she finds it hard to show her emotion/affection online? I am trying not to be so hard on her lately about all this though because Monday (June 13th) will be 1yr since her father died of diabeties. I know this has really taken its toll on her and she keeps getting upset over it. I did say I was here for her though and I know how it feels as I lost my grandad when I was 11, but he was my father figure and brought me up, so I understand how she feels. Thank you for your advice.
RecordProducer Posted June 11, 2005 Posted June 11, 2005 It seems that the loss of her father didn't prevent her from going clubbing every weekend! I think the distance bothers her and she can't have stronger feelings for you right now, because you're not physically together. She obviously prefers action to dreaming.
Sal Paradise Posted June 12, 2005 Posted June 12, 2005 Dump her. She is playing you like a fool and you're falling for it. She is and or has most likely cheated on you.
Author airbus Posted June 13, 2005 Author Posted June 13, 2005 Hi, Well, it was my birthday on sunday and she sent me 2 texts aswell as a e-card, which was nice I guess. I had an awful birthday sadly though. I think some of you may have a point about my g/f. Maybe we're different. I'm into the high life of being a pilot, whilst shes into the typical teenage routine of hitting the clubs on the weekend. I guess in all fairness, we're worlds apart. Thanks for the advice.
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