M3BIMMER Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I am so upset, sad, feel sick and so alone. Yes i appreciate that all sounds soppy especially coming from me but its the truth. Me and my long term partner of 20 years have split, she walked out on me and the kids 16 and 10 but is threatening to take my 10 year old away from me as if loosing her is not bad enough. I am going to loose my house and everything and i just feel sick all the time and cant stop crying. She walked out Monday and i have not eaten anything since simply because i cant. She came around last night to have pancakes with the kids which i made for them but that's about it she is staying with friends until she can get something to rent. I'm so lost, i am making phone calls to see what i am entitled to as i now need to look after my youngest, i have my own business but have been signed off sick and dont think i can recover from this either i am a broken man i really am......... even tonight just tried to watch tv and its a program we both used to watch so had to turn the tv off i cant bare this 1
Author M3BIMMER Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Apparently everything has built up over time be it me the house the bills every day chores she sufferers from depression ect ect and she said she cant take anymore and left ????? most of her stuff is still here but she is actively seeking advice and looking to rent some where so its all definite but i am totally broken. as i say most of us just have to deal with the loss of a partner but i have to deal with all the mess that has been left after 20 years of being together and its hard 1
Satu Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce. 2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps. 3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right. 4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person. 5. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will love again. 6. Take care of your body: Eat enough and eat healthily. Drink enough water. Thats 2 litres a day for a male. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep, just lie down. Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. If you feel physically or mentally unwell, go to see your doctor. 7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn. 8. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do. 9. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate. 10. Post here as often as you want to. Take care.
Author M3BIMMER Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 thank you so much for that advice but i just cant and dont want to do anything, i dare not see my doctor as something may be added to my records such as depression that could cause issues regards custody of my daughter i dont know ? i dont want to say i am depressed and have never been before but i am in a bad way i really am 1
Satu Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 thank you so much for that advice but i just cant and dont want to do anything, i dare not see my doctor as something may be added to my records such as depression that could cause issues regards custody of my daughter i dont know ? i don't want to say i am depressed and have never been before but i am in a bad way i really am In that case you need to find a way to calm down. Start by eating something. It doesn't matter much what is. Drink some water. Do that asap. 1
frigginlost Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 thank you so much for that advice but i just cant and dont want to do anything, i dare not see my doctor as something may be added to my records such as depression that could cause issues regards custody of my daughter i dont know ? i dont want to say i am depressed and have never been before but i am in a bad way i really am First, nothing in your charts is going to cause an issue with your daughter. Your wife of 20 years walked out on you. It's completely understandable. Second, as hard as it seems, you will get through this. It feels like the world is over and you are in a pain you have never felt before, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and allow yourself to grieve. You need to do that. Do not bottle anything up. Let it out... 5 Years ago, my ex wife of close to 20 years walked out on me. I had absolutely no clue it was coming. Total time from her saying she wants a divorce, to the time it was final? Just shy of 2 months. I was absolutely gutted. I did not want to live. I was with her for 25 years and I was tossed aside like trash. I rode the pain for 2 years and healed. It was hard, it was tough and I did not want to do it. I slept very little, lost 30 pounds just due to stress, but I just kept living. Now 5 years later, I feel pretty damn good! Had a girlfriend for a little while, had girls half my age hitting on me, but have realized that I just want to live for me now. I know you hate hearing this, but you're going to be just fine. Just allow yourself to grieve. It's normal!!! 1
Itspointless Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 In that case you need to find a way to calm down. Start by eating something. It doesn't matter much what is. Drink some water. Do that asap. Also, do not drink your grief away and make walks or run, preferably in nature. You mentioned the bills, if you have the money for it make an appointment with a therapist. 1
RocketQueen Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 (edited) Sorry to hear you're going through this. Any break up is hard, add on to that the length of time you were together and the fact you have a family it is understandable the whole thing has left you floored. I can't really give any advice but will say that it is completely normal to feel the way you do and whatever you're feeling is perfectly valid. You have to roll with it and ride this gut wrenching wave. As others have said, looking after yourself in the most basic of ways is really important. Eating and drinking (not alcohol) little and often, even if you feel like you can't face it. The days I sat around in my pyjamas with messy hair and doing nothing were the days I felt the worst. Your mind will be on this constantly but give your body something to do and you will get relief from your head/thought from time to time. Going to the DR will not affect your ability to be have custody etc of your children- it is a sign that you're looking after your mental health and is really important for you and your recovery. Keep coming here- look through old posts, you will see how far people have come in your position. You are stronger than you think, and people care more than you will ever know. Edited February 11, 2016 by RocketQueen typo
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