SarahF Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Hi I need some advice as I have just blown it with the best guy on OK Cupid... We were talking online for 3 months as he went away to Mexico. We sent long messages every few days, even while he was away. We have so much in common and were such a good match for each other. He got back from Mexico and asked me for a drink. We had such a great evening together, great conversation and lots of laughs We spent 5 hours together, drinking and eating, including kisses, holding hands etc. He said he would be in touch soon but after a week I still hadn't heard from him (he warned me he had lost his phone in Mexico). I tried to message him on OK C to see what was happening but he wouldn't reply. Now he has hidden me altogether. I know i messed up by sending so many messages but he is honestly the best guy I have met on OK C in a long time. I have this habit of getting over-excited with a guy I really like, instead of playing it cool. I wish I could make it right with this guy. How can I stop myself ruining things for me in the future?
amaysngrace Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Find other things to be into so that he isn't your main source of entertainment.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 What did you say in your messages to him after not hearing from him? And how many messages did you send?
dispatch3d Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 In your date did you mention anything negative? If so what was it and how did he react? Unless you sent him 5 messages w/o waiting for a reply I doubt that's what ruined it.
Author SarahF Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 I sent one after the date, saying thank you. One which was just a link to an article we discussed on the date. One final one which was saying I was taking it he wasn't interested in seeing me again which I said was a shame as we got on so well on the date and I was really hoping to get to know him better. Nothing abusive...
dispatch3d Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 You confide anything in the date or mention a particularly negative topic? Thats where my guesses after the fact would come from. Could also be another girl in the picture but that's somewhat unlikely with guys. and yeah as your "nothing abusive" comment eludes to if you got overly emotional with him in a negative light that would hurt you. Doubt those messages caused it.
TheArtist Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I sent one after the date, saying thank you. One which was just a link to an article we discussed on the date. One final one which was saying I was taking it he wasn't interested in seeing me again which I said was a shame as we got on so well on the date and I was really hoping to get to know him better. Nothing abusive... If you weren't getting replies to those message then that's kind of a turn off to keep going, and much worse with the negative assumption that he's done in your last message. How quickly did you send them? All in ten minutes? He might have been pooing! I mean busy. Keep texts 1:1. You send one, he replies. He sends one, you reply. No more!
Author SarahF Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 They were a few days apart. I know I shouldn't have sent the last one but I was frustrated with not knowing where I stood. Do you think I can salvage things? Email him?
amaysngrace Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 He's not interested. All your texts probably didn't scare him away. He wasn't interested enough to reply to the very first one you sent. Forget him and move on.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 They were a few days apart. I know I shouldn't have sent the last one but I was frustrated with not knowing where I stood. Do you think I can salvage things? Email him? No, don't contact him anymore. If he's hidden you, there's a reason. Pushing it will not help. He could have been talking to other women too, along with seeing them upon his return. I'd let this one go. For what it's worth, I don't think your messages were over-the-top; however, I would in the future let the guy come to you more. If he doesn't, you know where he stands. 1
TheArtist Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I think the best thing you can do is to give him space, don't contact him at all. If he's interested he'll get in touch with you but from what you've said I think he's done. Focus on something you enjoy for a while and forget the situation altogether.
sandylee1 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 It wasn't your texts. He wasn't interested for other reasons. You said you spoke for 3 months online? So was this date the first time you saw each other in person? 1
hasaquestion Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 It wasn't your texts. He wasn't interested for other reasons. You said you spoke for 3 months online? So was this date the first time you saw each other in person? Yeah. The last text wasn't particularly smooth but that was after he lost interest anyway. OP its not like you guys are a couple. You went out once. He didn't like you that much. Doesn't mean you did something wrong. If you feel like everyone you go out with doesn't like you... that's when the common denominator becomes you. If you feel that way then we'll talk. I just find it strange that you decided this dude is "the best guy on OK cupid". Maybe he has options if he's all that and a bag of chips?
Robratory Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Hi I need some advice as I have just blown it with the best guy on OK Cupid... We were talking online for 3 months as he went away to Mexico. We sent long messages every few days, even while he was away. We have so much in common and were such a good match for each other. He got back from Mexico and asked me for a drink. We had such a great evening together, great conversation and lots of laughs We spent 5 hours together, drinking and eating, including kisses, holding hands etc. He said he would be in touch soon but after a week I still hadn't heard from him (he warned me he had lost his phone in Mexico). I tried to message him on OK C to see what was happening but he wouldn't reply. Now he has hidden me altogether. I know i messed up by sending so many messages but he is honestly the best guy I have met on OK C in a long time. I have this habit of getting over-excited with a guy I really like, instead of playing it cool. I wish I could make it right with this guy. How can I stop myself ruining things for me in the future? You have to stop blaming yourself. You can puke in a guy's shoes, and he'll still keep coming back unless something else is the issue. A lot of times, and this happens to both sexes, the other person is just not that into us. Sure, they were into us enough to smooch for a bit, but after they thought it over, they decided they weren't. Oh, and this can't possibly be the best guy on OKCupid. He's a liar and a coward, and it seems he thinks you're dumb. He wants you to believe that he got back to the US, and a week later, he can't call you because he lost his phone in Mexico? What kind of ridiculous story is that? If you lose your phone, you stop by Verizon or T-Mobile or whoever your carrier is and get a new one. Even if you order the phone online, like with Tracfone, the phone is in your hands within three days. And instead of telling you that, sorry, but he just wasn't feeling it, he hides himself from you on the internet. As for sending him so many messages, three over several days is not a lot. If he's really the best guy on OKCupid, then it probably is time to throw in the towel and retire to a quiet monastic life in a convent. 1
stillafool Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I have this habit of getting over-excited with a guy I really like, instead of playing it cool. This^^^^^ The guys feel this and run. Calm down. Why are you in such a rush?
Buddhist Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I wish I could make it right with this guy. How can I stop myself ruining things for me in the future? This is a very simple fix, to understand intellectually, but a difficult one to practice. Never the less practice it now. Cardinal Rule - do not allow your giving to exceed what you are receiving. That's it. If you follow this you will have happy relationships because it means you will instantly lose any guy who isn't interested in giving to you. Unfortunately people are human, and being human means putting in the least amount of effort in order to get what they want. If you teach someone they can be lazy with you and you will give more than you get, then they will immediately run with that to the nth degree and give you exactly what you are asking for.....nothing. The instant you require nothing of your partner is the instant your relationship is over. Many young women think that the way to a good relationship is to be endlessly giving. The paradox is the more you give without receiving, the less you receive. Unconditional love is a fine idea, but that's where it belongs in the land of idea's. In practice people need to know there are expectations to meet.
hasaquestion Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 This is a very simple fix, to understand intellectually, but a difficult one to practice. Never the less practice it now. Cardinal Rule - do not allow your giving to exceed what you are receiving. That's it. If you follow this you will have happy relationships because it means you will instantly lose any guy who isn't interested in giving to you. Unfortunately people are human, and being human means putting in the least amount of effort in order to get what they want. If you teach someone they can be lazy with you and you will give more than you get, then they will immediately run with that to the nth degree and give you exactly what you are asking for.....nothing. The instant you require nothing of your partner is the instant your relationship is over. Many young women think that the way to a good relationship is to be endlessly giving. The paradox is the more you give without receiving, the less you receive. Unconditional love is a fine idea, but that's where it belongs in the land of idea's. In practice people need to know there are expectations to meet. GAME PLAYER! Kidding. Its the truth. Goes both ways.
Miss Peach Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I suggest the book "Why He Didn't Call You Back". The author basically did a ton of surveys and interviews and broke it out into themes as to why these guys weren't call the women for second dates. In a lot of them the guys took something small to mean she wasn't interested, they were incompatible, etc.
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