litago Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Been in a relationship for about 6 months. Everythings been going great until a few weeks ago. To make this short, He has been so affectionate, calling me, texted me all kinds of nice things- and really letting me know ive been on his mind every day. We have traveled some together and enjoyed each others company. So yes.. Been great until the evening i got in a bad mood around bedtime. I asked if he didnt want me, he might aswell tell me. (which is very silly, i know) This day he hadnt been so affectionate as i was used to- and i tried a little to hard to get his attention my being over the top clingy. After that he have turned so different and most of the time acting cold. I know when you are afraid to lose something, you cling even harder. And i always find myself being over clingy when we are spending time together. When we are not together, i will just reply to his messages to give him as much space in the meantime as i can. If i do say something sweet through a texts, its not returned. Like how looking forward to see him again, or that i miss him. The last weeks he still asks if i want to come over. But he is acting so distant, but at the same time he will talk alot (mostly about work) We used to talk so much about future plans and us. But if i bring it up, he is likely to change the subject. Im feeling so anxious around him. Im afraid to say something wrong. When i asked if we were doing all right, i just got a "mhm". I miss the affectionate way he was. And i want it to be like it was 3 weeks ago before i went all insecure. I wonder how i should behave around him, how to reply to his robotic and short messages. 1
preraph Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Sounds like he's no longer hoping to build a future with you and only wants to spend time on his terms, probably to get laid. 1
big dog Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 You've hurt him somehow.... and he's in a defensive mode. Scared to "let go" again. May have been hurt at some other point in his life or something.... anyway... something you said or did put a wall up. you'll just have to find some way to tear it down... patiently. 1
Author litago Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 (edited) You've hurt him somehow.... and he's in a defensive mode. Scared to "let go" again. May have been hurt at some other point in his life or something.... anyway... something you said or did put a wall up. you'll just have to find some way to tear it down... patiently. I think i have might hurt him by telling him he does something wrong, like i dont appreciate all the other things hes done to show he cares and loves me. This is pulling all the energy out of me... I dont know what to do or say. Im spending the evening at his place, as he have asked if i want to come over tonight after work. I dont know if i should ask him about all of this, or if i should just pretend like everything is fine... Like ive already done for the past 3 weeks. Edited February 11, 2016 by litago 1
Satu Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 It looks like a feeling of futility has set in on his side, as if nothing he does is good enough. That is the point where some people will decide that it's not worth trying. I also thing that you're too focussed on what you want and what you get out of the relationship. Apply some empathy and try to understand how he feels. Love is a two way street. Take care.
Author litago Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 It looks like a feeling of futility has set in on his side, as if nothing he does is good enough. That is the point where some people will decide that it's not worth trying. I also thing that you're too focussed on what you want and what you get out of the relationship. Apply some empathy and try to understand how he feels. Love is a two way street. Take care. Oh, i do.... And i feel truly horrible for making him withdraw and feel i dont appreciate him enough for everything else he has done and the way he shows he cares. He is more than good enough. Right now i dont know if i should talk to him about it, or just be patient for it to go back to "normal".
Author litago Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 (edited) Ok, so i went over there yesterday evening. He kissed me once when he saw me, and kissed me on the cheek as we were cooking dinner together. I thought it would be a good time to bring up and try talking with him after dinner. As we sat on the couch he was barely touching my leg. Not like he would normally behave around me after spending several days apart. He did see that my neck was hurting (because of work, its normal) And he gave me a long neck massage. I told him that i hope he knows how much i appreciate him, and i didnt mean to complain when i did. I told him i felt hes been acting distant since that weekend after i "critized" him. And asked how i felt about it. He said he hadnt even noticed. I said its been 3 weeks and he still talks to me like a friend when we are not together. (still no affectionate words when we are together) And that i missed how everything was, and that we had such a good balance between us. I also asked if he felt that everything was good between us. And he replied with a "yeah" and that maybe the thing was that hes been busy thinking about work. There was no comfort or anything to make me feel better. And he sure didnt care enough as he changed the subject twice. Ive been single for many years before i met him, so im not sure what signs to look for. I just know hes behaving a lot different towards me. Maybe hes starting to take me for granted? Maybe the honeymoon phase is over? Or maybe hes just to comfortable around me? What caught me as suprise, is that he suddenly brought up gross stuff like how big of a zit he once had, and what he did about it. Im not used to him sharing that kind of information with me.... All advice how to deal with this is highly appreciated. I dont have anyone to talk to about this. Edited February 12, 2016 by litago
strawberryshortstack Posted February 12, 2016 Posted February 12, 2016 Ok, so i went over there yesterday evening. He kissed me once when he saw me, and kissed me on the cheek as we were cooking dinner together. I thought it would be a good time to bring up and try talking with him after dinner. As we sat on the couch he was barely touching my leg. Not like he would normally behave around me after spending several days apart. He did see that my neck was hurting (because of work, its normal) And he gave me a long neck massage. I told him that i hope he knows how much i appreciate him, and i didnt mean to complain when i did. I told him i felt hes been acting distant since that weekend after i "critized" him. And asked how i felt about it. He said he hadnt even noticed. I said its been 3 weeks and he still talks to me like a friend when we are not together. (still no affectionate words when we are together) And that i missed how everything was, and that we had such a good balance between us. I also asked if he felt that everything was good between us. And he replied with a "yeah" and that maybe the thing was that hes been busy thinking about work. There was no comfort or anything to make me feel better. And he sure didnt care enough as he changed the subject twice. Ive been single for many years before i met him, so im not sure what signs to look for. I just know hes behaving a lot different towards me. Maybe hes starting to take me for granted? Maybe the honeymoon phase is over? Or maybe hes just to comfortable around me? What caught me as suprise, is that he suddenly brought up gross stuff like how big of a zit he once had, and what he did about it. Im not used to him sharing that kind of information with me.... All advice how to deal with this is highly appreciated. I dont have anyone to talk to about this. It's possible that he's just distracted with other things. Is he having a rough time at work? Any major changes going on in other parts of his life?
Author litago Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 It's possible that he's just distracted with other things. Is he having a rough time at work? Any major changes going on in other parts of his life? Well... Went i brought it up about him acting so distant, he said that maybe it was because of work, and that he havent thought about it himself. He does have a demanding job. Gets up at 05. Home around 5 in the afternoon. He also have two small children with 50% custody. Maybe im overreacting. I just miss the way he was. And that sudden change over a a few days scared me. And its still the same. And no, no changes in his life as i am aware of. Always been a lot of work.
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