My first gf broke up with me for another guy

[Niko975]

Hello ,

I just wanted to write down my first love story.

M[18] F[22]

I dont really know how to start so , that was my first serious relationship and big crush at the start I couldn't eat , sleep for many days everything was more than perfect and as the time went by it was only getting better and better I could talk to her with endless hours share with her my deepest secrets.I did care for her so much I tried to treat her with the best possible way , the love we made was perfect I was making her little suprises very often just to see her

smile that was all I ever wanted .I am going to skip that part so you don't get bored.

Then the problems came in to play , one night after I went at her place for a few days suddenly while laying in bed I saw her talking to her ex(I knew they were kinda friends from before so at first I didnt confront her) so while laying in bed I saw him making sex jokes to her and I felt bad so I instantly told her so but she told me I was acting childish and immature . The next few days these messages kept on goin and going untill I got pissed and I asked her not to talk to him for a bit and then she told me why would she stop talking to him just cuz of a child?(talking about my childish attitude)I was kinda hurt by these words but we somehow fixed that ex boyfriend problem(or at least I thought so at that time).I was maybe acting somewhat childish so I also took care of my attitude and started acting way more mature overall everything went to perfect once again .Untill after 5~~7months she just started acting distant even tho I was giving her 100% of me loving her deeply showing her how much she meant to me I asked her why is he acting so distant lately? And she told me I was pushing her too hard about intimacy which is something normal in my opinion we're young I'd love to get intimacy from my girlfriend (not only sex) At some point I felt like she doesn't like me anymore out of nowhere .And that day came on , we

had a reason to celebrate(our name's day) I bought her many flowers , took a hotel room after cinema I had my plans to make a romantic night everythin was going cool untill we went in the hotel and while laying in bed she told me she still loves her ex- (he somewhat treated her bad) I didn't rage or say anything stupid I was just shocked and I didn't know how to react , we spoke about it for like 2 weeks untill we finally broke up.I feel super bad , confused and hurt about that whole story I think there were many signs that she's not that into me anymore but I was blinded.I kinda skip 50% of it so yeah I just need some ideas what to do I'm keepin'up my mind occupied with many things I enjoy doing.

Sorry for my mistakes english is not my natural language and thanks to everone who reads this.

 

Cheers ,

N.

[hunk]

I'll lay it out for you simply because this is literally what happened.

 

You - You were boring, predictable, and needy. You communicated to her that you needed her and valued her above your own well-being. She got bored with you very fast. You were too nice. Being nice isn't necessarily a bad thing in itself, but in a relationship being too nice is a death sentence. You did not show this woman you were an exciting, interesting man in control of his life, or a man who she should want to be with. You didn't turn her on or make her want you. She was not attracted to you. You didn't make her think about you because you were always there, doting on her. You made your life about her and that turned her off. Women don't want to be made to feel like they are the center of your life. They need you to have your own life that they can be a part of. This means being a bit of an ******* when it is necessary and putting yourself first. You need to bring her into your world, not make her your world.

 

Him - She was never over her ex because he turned her on. She never lost attraction for him. He openly talks about wanting to have sex with her while he knows she is with you. This is exciting to her because he is providing the feelings she needs, that you aren't. He is not a "nice guy". He's exciting and interesting. He makes her feel the feelings she wants - she wants to feel excited and turned on and sexy. You didn't provide any of this because you were too nice and boring. She knew you were always around and would do literally anything for her. This is disgusting to her.

 

No one is obliged to stay with anyone. Your girlfriend isn't obliged to stay with you because you're a nice, thoughtful guy. If you aren't making her feel the way she needs to feel, she's gone, and it's YOUR fault. She isn't the one to blame.

 

This is over, but you can learn something from it. Stop treating women like they want to be loved the same way you do. They don't. They (no-one) wants to sit and listen to you talk about your deepest secrets or feelings or insecurities, as much as you have been brought up to think someone does. No one does, no one cares. It is a huge turnoff to a woman to have her man sit there and talk about his insecurities. Stop doing this. Have fun with your girlfriends. Be playful and lighthearted. No one will ever love you the way TV and the movies portray it, man or woman. You have to love and be 100% happy and confident with yourself, and in turn you will be able to the relationships you want with women. Be someone your girlfriends want to be around, which is an unpredictable, fun, stoic, in control, spontaneous and sexy guy.

 

This is all achievable if you work on yourself. The first thing i suggest is going to the gym and building your self esteem. Everything else will flow from there.