Thatguyintx Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I have been here before and learned much from my past experiences. This relationship with a depressed girlfriend has been a first for me and I have struggled mightily. I suspect the advice I will get is NC and move on. I think I am one of those people that needs the beatings from others before I will accept that answer. I dated this woman for about a year. Things were good. Common values, common backgrounds, and shared interests drove the relationship positively. As talk of marriage and merging our families together began, she began to get very distant and blew hot and cold. She began a serious pattern of push/pull at this point. I never knew exactly where I stood and she would go off the radar and not talk, sometimes for days at a time. This behavior really took a toll on my emotional health and I began to become hypersensitive and walking on egg shells. We broke up eventually. After we broke up, she was diagnosed with depression and apparently had had depression since she was a teen. She did begin counseling for her depression but refused to take any meds. Here is where the real fun began. The pattern of push/pull became much stronger and much more regular. One or two weeks off, then she "missed" me and would reach out. I would respond, we would hang out and I would note that she was making progress in her depression and how she related to herself and others. Unfortunately, I think I mistook the progress for breakthrough. Just as I would think we were making progress as a couple, she would go back off the radar or would tell me she is still not healthy enough for a relationship. Then, she would ask for time/space (or I would ask for it) and rinse/repeat the cycle. This has happened several times. All of my friends love her and were rooting for us throughout. At this point, they are all giving the same advice...move on. Moving on probably is the right answer. I am going to use the cliche here and say I love this woman and am having a more than difficult time disengaging from her. Has anybody had a similar push/pull experience with a depressed significant other? Any success or is this an inevitable train wreck?
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