norudder Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I live in a small state and work in a small industry. Met a guy online and had a date. Hes in exmm's professional circle and more loosely social circle. I'm kind of curious about the potential with this guy but not at the cost of having to hear of (or from) exmm. I'd rather just avoid anything related to exmm but 1. Feel that's going to be difficult and 2. Feel its wrong to dismiss someone based on something that has nothing to do with him personally. Should I just keep looking elsewhere or see how it goes?
OneLov Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Depends on your intent. If you're truly interested in this man, then who cares what your exMM says because you do not have to take it. If you're doing it in hopes this will get back to exMM, and his reaction or response will result in a backhanded effort in resuming a line of communication.... This would amount to using the guy and engaging in a lot of deceitful behavior. If this is the reason, don't do it. Only you know what your intent truly is. But I hope you are really into this guy; if that's the case, go for it. Best of Luck OL
Poppy47 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 If you are really interested, and it works out, it won't matter a jot to you. Give it a go. Poppy. 1
minimariah Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Should I just keep looking elsewhere or see how it goes? i think you should see how it goes. you can't avoid your xMM forever - if things get serious though... you should probably say something along the "don't really like that dude or his company" lines.
Gigi2015 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 i think you should see how it goes. you can't avoid your xMM forever - if things get serious though... you should probably say something along the "don't really like that dude or his company" lines.[/quote xMM should NEVER be a concern....she should live life....MM is having sex with his wife and taking her on outings, telling her he loves her, buying gifts for her.....she needs a REAL relationship.
Author norudder Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 i think you should see how it goes. you can't avoid your xMM forever - if things get serious though... you should probably say something along the "don't really like that dude or his company" lines.[/quote xMM should NEVER be a concern....she should live life....MM is having sex with his wife and taking her on outings, telling her he loves her, buying gifts for her.....she needs a REAL relationship. Actually he's in the middle of a divorce. Supposedly. Hasn't moved out, probably won't unless his ww/bs asks him to. I went through a D too, I know it takes a while and lawyers say not to move out until terms are negotiated but I'm not putting my life on hold. I'm actually hoping my personal life doesn't get back to the mm at all.
Author norudder Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 i think you should see how it goes. you can't avoid your xMM forever - if things get serious though... you should probably say something along the "don't really like that dude or his company" lines. If it got serious I would see what his view on disclosing our pasts is and if he's a full disclosure guy I would honor that. I'm not proud but not ashamed and wouldn't keep a secret like that from a SO if we got to that point and I knew it mattered to them.
Author norudder Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Depends on your intent. If you're truly interested in this man, then who cares what your exMM says because you do not have to take it. If you're doing it in hopes this will get back to exMM, and his reaction or response will result in a backhanded effort in resuming a line of communication.... This would amount to using the guy and engaging in a lot of deceitful behavior. If this is the reason, don't do it. Only you know what your intent truly is. But I hope you are really into this guy; if that's the case, go for it. Best of Luck OL Intent is between this guy and i . felt used enough in affair stayed single a while to avoid using anyone else as a rebound or void filler. Not playing those games. Its only been a few conversations and one date so I can't say I'm REALLY into him yet, but the potential is there. Second date next week. I'll see how it goes. TY!
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Actually he's in the middle of a divorce. Supposedly. Hasn't moved out, probably won't unless his ww/bs asks him to. I went through a D too, I know it takes a while and lawyers say not to move out until terms are negotiated but I'm not putting my life on hold. I'm actually hoping my personal life doesn't get back to the mm at all. But the guy you are going on a date with works in the same field of your exMM (may know or does know? do you know for fact they socialize in the same group, unless I missed what you meant there) so if this is the case there's a good chance your exMM will find out, especially if they hang out together. Anyway, see how it goes, you may not even like this guy.
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