chaddercheese Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 First up, i dont believe in Valentines, i think its the biggest pile of S*** ever and is only celebrated and valued by the insecure, the gold diggers and the stupid. I have never celebrated it before, and ive made my partner know this since we were together. She says that valentines day is cringey. Im coming home this weekend from service and she has the weekend off work. So i thought id drive all the way to hers where she lives with her parents and take her away for the weekend. Where we will spend the day shopping and then go out for drinks on the night and then back to the hotel. She spends her life reading BS articles in Cosmpolitan, signs he loves you etc. She spends all her time on instagram looking at all the staged pictures of perfect lives and the couples who stage pictures of their dates and how much he spends on her and she listens to all the stories of all the girls at work about all their plans with their bfs all the time. This has led to her having a go at me for how hurtful it is that im "not doing anything for her" for valentines, i cant even spend £2 on a card. I took an hour to make a card myself. I said she clearly doesnt appreciate what i do for her and valentines isnt about what you spend on each other its about spending time with someone you love and being in love. She said that she doesnt want to be with me anymore, she says that i treat her terribly and dont care if shes upset (her example was when i lost her while shopping, i text to ask where she was which made her storm off and get the train home and i had to drive half an hour to get her again). She said i make jokes at her expense (her example was she asked what id do in a terrorist attack and i said id run and call her the next day to see if shes okay). She said im a hypocrite and dont approve of her dreams (because i got deployed for 2 months its hypocritical that i went with my job when she wanted to move 200 miles from me previously to live with her friends so they can go clubbing every night). She said i dont hide that i want other girls and if i was in a relationship i shouldnt talk to other girls on facebook (my friend who i helped before go to the police when her ex was stalking her, threatening her friends and sending sex tapes to her dad, inboxed me to tell me hes started stalking her again). She said i make her feel depressed and show im unloyal when i talk to her (her only example was when i said "my mate always says hes the best at pulling, he says we all need to watch him he can show us how its done"). Im at a loss, i would have thought driving 400 miles to take her out on a weekend away to spend time just the two of us with a card i made all myself would have been a nice thing to do. But she doesnt think so. This is what she said to me in reply to me saying my plans for valentines: "I dont remember a time when youve ever taken me out. You always used to say at the start that im the only girl thats ever offered to pay anything. So you used to take your other girlfriends out on dates and pay but you always make me pay my half? Wow i feel special. How dare you call me ungrateful. Id bought new underwear to surprise you and bought you 15 valntines cards for every year you never got one but i'll be returning everything because youve made it perfectly clear that youre not going to do anything at all for me. How ****ing hard is it to buy a £2 card just to show that you care? The bottom line is we dont make each other happy. And here i am trying to make effort and trying to show i care all the time while you consistantly just show **** all effort to even try and make me happy. What the **** am i even trying to hold on to anymore. I really think its time to let go now" Im 24 shes 22.
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 When you don't make each other happy anymore than it's time to break up. 7
Author chaddercheese Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 When you don't make each other happy anymore than it's time to break up. The problem is, we do, she said how happy she is with me on saturday, we had a great day together sunday, monday i was deployed she went into a massivr fit because i wouldnt be an hour late to the base and take her to her work, and i instead dropped her at the train station. She went from telling me how much she loved me to refusing to acknowledge me, wouldnt say bye or kiss me before i left for service for 2 months, went into a fit when i said i dont support valentines day and made a card not brought one and didnt appreciate that im coming all the way home to see her for the weekend.
PegNosePete Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Drama is as drama does. You've been told multiple times on multiple threads under your multiple usernames, that she is a total drama queen and this latest issue is totally in character for her. At this point, if you're still with her, then you're accepting that she will cause drama at every possible opportunity. You are inviting and accepting it. There is only one way to stop it: dump her. 2
Toodaloo Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 The problem is, we do, she said how happy she is with me on saturday, we had a great day together sunday, monday i was deployed she went into a massivr fit because i wouldnt be an hour late to the base and take her to her work, and i instead dropped her at the train station. She went from telling me how much she loved me to refusing to acknowledge me, wouldnt say bye or kiss me before i left for service for 2 months, went into a fit when i said i dont support valentines day and made a card not brought one and didnt appreciate that im coming all the way home to see her for the weekend. Yo yo's. This is what yo yo's do... Its not going to work. Even if you get married and have kids it will end in divorce. Give it up.
Author chaddercheese Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Drama is as drama does. You've been told multiple times on multiple threads under your multiple usernames, that she is a total drama queen and this latest issue is totally in character for her. At this point, if you're still with her, then you're accepting that she will cause drama at every possible opportunity. You are inviting and accepting it. There is only one way to stop it: dump her. Easier said than done when shes the only thing i have to come home to when i finish working. Since i left home for work all my old friends moved on and now dont take the time to speak to me no matter how much effort i put in, the people i work with are all self centered and will put you down at every oppurtunity to get one up, the "internet troll keyboard warrior" generation. My family are over 200 miles away from my permanent work station this is where i left my friends behind too. Shes the only one there that i ever talk to, see, do things with. If i leave her i go back into the void of living alone, nobody to go out with and nobody to talk to, no girls around to move on with and no friends to meet girls through.
PegNosePete Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 If you change nothing, then nothing will change. Up to you.
Toodaloo Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Easier said than done when shes the only thing i have to come home to when i finish working. Since i left home for work all my old friends moved on and now dont take the time to speak to me no matter how much effort i put in, the people i work with are all self centered and will put you down at every oppurtunity to get one up, the "internet troll keyboard warrior" generation. My family are over 200 miles away from my permanent work station this is where i left my friends behind too. Shes the only one there that i ever talk to, see, do things with. If i leave her i go back into the void of living alone, nobody to go out with and nobody to talk to, no girls around to move on with and no friends to meet girls through. I am pretty much in reverse except my friends do keep in touch despite moving to various other countries and my family are close. Cheddar. Join a club. Do something different. Learn to play tennis or find activities that you enjoy that you can meet people with. That is how you make new friends. Those friends lead on to other things. Try volunteering or get involved with something like that. When the world moves on you have to move with it. I have met some wonderful people just because I went out and did something by myself!
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Chaddercheese isn't alone better than being miserable? It's nice that you spent an hour making her a card & its good that you were clear about your dislike of Valentine's Day but if she expressed a preference for an acknowledgement of the holiday & told you she'd rather have a $2 (I know you wrote pounds) card why not give her what she wants? Her feelings count too. Yes I realize the weekend away would have been a nice treat but it also would have cost you nothing to recast that as your Valentine's celebration with her. Because you didn't even consider that, this drama happened. If you make each other unhappy, maybe it is time to end this. Although you can't see it at the moment, there will be other women. 1
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Easier said than done when shes the only thing i have to come home to when i finish working. Since i left home for work all my old friends moved on and now dont take the time to speak to me no matter how much effort i put in, the people i work with are all self centered and will put you down at every oppurtunity to get one up, the "internet troll keyboard warrior" generation. My family are over 200 miles away from my permanent work station this is where i left my friends behind too. Shes the only one there that i ever talk to, see, do things with. If i leave her i go back into the void of living alone, nobody to go out with and nobody to talk to, no girls around to move on with and no friends to meet girls through. Seriously, you're this big military guy complaining of not having friends and afraid of being alone!!! She is not the only woman on the planet. Take charge of your life and make it what you want it to be. You have a bad girlfriend? change her. You lost your friends? make new friends! You're 200 miles away from your family? BIG DEAL! That's what? 2 hour drive??I am 1,000 miles away from my parents and I make regular trips to see them! 3
Emilia Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 There must be some good guys in your Company you can socialise with. Do you go out with them on Fridays to bond or are you always away for the weekend when you are not working? Why are you in the armed forces? Are you enjoying it? It seems you are expecting your gf to be more mature than she is. It will take her years to see through the Valentine's BS or maybe she never will. Some people remain superficial over time.
Httm Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Anyone that storms off and takes the train home because of a text asking where they are is unbalanced... being with her will always be a roller coaster ride of drama. 1
kendahke Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 It sounds like she's at her saturation point with how you treat her and think it's OK. She doesn't think it's OK anymore, hence her leaving the relationship. It's what you want, right? You don't want a woman who knows how she wants to be treated--you want one who cares more for your definition of how she should be treated and will go along because she's that desperate to be with a guy--or you want a chick that can't even... So count yourself lucky. You don't have to do what she asks now. You're free to go find the chick who can't even...
Author chaddercheese Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Chaddercheese isn't alone better than being miserable? It's nice that you spent an hour making her a card & its good that you were clear about your dislike of Valentine's Day but if she expressed a preference for an acknowledgement of the holiday & told you she'd rather have a $2 (I know you wrote pounds) card why not give her what she wants? Her feelings count too. Yes I realize the weekend away would have been a nice treat but it also would have cost you nothing to recast that as your Valentine's celebration with her. Because you didn't even consider that, this drama happened. If you make each other unhappy, maybe it is time to end this. Although you can't see it at the moment, there will be other women. We discussed a few times valentines is a waste and weve never celebrated it before. She told me that it was cringey and then spoke to other superficial girls she works with who discuss all their "cute things" theyre doing and without even telling me she was now expecting me to do that, so i booked a weekend away, i made her a cute card that put a load of thought into it, anyone can pick up a card that says "happy valentines". This is similar to christmas eve, i was with my family she with hers, she had a go at me for not coming to suprise her at her door and take her away, i was 200 miles away, a 4 hour drive while really ill in bed on doctors orders. Then had to put up with her arguments that i didnt suprise her. She sees it happen in staged instagram.photos that are made for likes and thinks its real life. And then expects me to live up to it.
VeveCakes Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 You aren't compatible. She is telling you what she wants, which is romance and to feel special. If you aren't into that you will never be able to satisfy her. Some people just have different needs to feel loved. By the way, not all that Instagram stuff is fake. 3
OnlyHonesty Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I would have ditched this drama queen long ago. Yet again I see guys taking way too much crap and putting up with bs behavior from their gf. The reason why she continues to behave this way and will continue to do so is because so far you haven't had the back bone to do anything about it. If you do not dump her before sun down, you will regret it. Maybe you should try to find out why you allow someone to treat you this way but I expect you will make excuses for her behavior and then proclaim how great everything is. So many unhealthy relationship. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 We discussed a few times valentines is a waste and weve never celebrated it before. She told me that it was cringey and then spoke to other superficial girls she works with who discuss all their "cute things" theyre doing and without even telling me she was now expecting me to do that, so i booked a weekend away, i made her a cute card that put a load of thought into it, anyone can pick up a card that says "happy valentines". This is similar to christmas eve, i was with my family she with hers, she had a go at me for not coming to suprise her at her door and take her away, i was 200 miles away, a 4 hour drive while really ill in bed on doctors orders. Then had to put up with her arguments that i didnt suprise her. She sees it happen in staged instagram.photos that are made for likes and thinks its real life. And then expects me to live up to it. Therein lies your problem. When she was younger & asserting her independence & because probably no man had ever made a fuss about her for Valentine's day she adopted your philosophy on the subject, that it was cringe-worthy. Now she has all these colleagues who flaunt what their guys do & your lady wants some of that. Problem is she didn't communicate that to you. She made a classic mistake: She expected you to read her mind & then she got mad at you when you didn't. That is unfair. My Q to you is now that you know she wants what you consider all that romantic clap trap (& she's not interested in thoughtful homemade with love items), are you willing to meet her half way even though you don't really go for all that commercialization & you have more practical considerations then the ability to drive 4 hours while sick? If on balance it's not worth the effort to even part way meet her where she wants & is now presumably asking for, just end this. If you face more immature nonsense of being punished for not reading her mind, just end this. But if you want this relationship to continue, get her the store bought card & make up already.
Author chaddercheese Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 It sounds like she's at her saturation point with how you treat her and think it's OK. She doesn't think it's OK anymore, hence her leaving the relationship. It's what you want, right? You don't want a woman who knows how she wants to be treated--you want one who cares more for your definition of how she should be treated and will go along because she's that desperate to be with a guy--or you want a chick that can't even... So count yourself lucky. You don't have to do what she asks now. You're free to go find the chick who can't even... Where the hell did you pull this answer from?! If you actually read the post you can see that i havent treated her in any way and she says so all the time and apologises for "she doesnt know what came over her". This is a girl who throws a strop and refuses to talk to me for a week if i cant turn up 2 hours late to work so i can drop her off at work and drop her to the station instead. This is the girl who wanders off when shopping and when text asking where she is says to "come here or im going home" "well where is here and ill come" "whatever im going home" and leaves. This is the girl who tells me all about her friends being all over guys in clubs yet when i tell her that my friend messaged the group chat saying hes the best at pulling she flips out. This is the girl who was messaging guys on facebook and then told me he was gay without me even asking, only for the next week to start bitching about how ugly his gf is. This is the girl who plasters all her nights out with friends and lads ive never seen before over her instagram and facebook but refuses to put any mention of me anywhere near any profile. This is the girl who flipped out and demanded i apologise, told all her friends and family im cheating and shes leaving me because i messaged my friends gf asking where they were. This is the girl that will always tell anyone who asks what shes doing or up to later when were together or have plans, tell them that shes just "going home" or "having a night in" This is the girl who told everyone at her work that im cheating because i went out with friends and had a photo with my 2 mates and the 2 girls they were seeing. She broke up with me previously cause i apparently looked at a girl despite me pointing out she looks at guys all the time and i dont mind or make a fuss. And you tell me that i treat her wrong?
Author chaddercheese Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 @donnovan I tried to meet her halfway, i booked a hotel room, i was taking her away for the weekend, i was taking her for a meal and drinks. I dont get what your trying to say now. Its not meeting halfway though its me doing everything again and her sitting there and getting all she wanted after throwing up all this drama. Shes basically acted out and told me shes going to walk away to get me to do what she wants which she seems to do every single week now and its getting so much more frequent.
Author chaddercheese Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 I would have ditched this drama queen long ago. Yet again I see guys taking way too much crap and putting up with bs behavior from their gf. The reason why she continues to behave this way and will continue to do so is because so far you haven't had the back bone to do anything about it. If you do not dump her before sun down, you will regret it. Maybe you should try to find out why you allow someone to treat you this way but I expect you will make excuses for her behavior and then proclaim how great everything is. So many unhealthy relationship. The problem with me is the "it might get better" state of mind or "every girl i had treated me like crap maybe its always going to be like this" or the whole showing my face in public after something i backed thouroughly failed.
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I tried to meet her halfway, i booked a hotel room, i was taking her away for the weekend, i was taking her for a meal and drinks. I dont get what your trying to say now. Its not meeting halfway though its me doing everything again and her sitting there and getting all she wanted after throwing up all this drama. Shes basically acted out and told me shes going to walk away to get me to do what she wants which she seems to do every single week now and its getting so much more frequent. I do see you trying. That wasn't my whole point. My point was she changed the rules. If you are willing to give her what she wants, you have a future. If you feel manipulated (which is what I'm reading), you don't have a future. She's not going to change. I don't think she quite understood that you booking the weekend was the romantic gesture. From your original post I got the sense you were doing the weekend INSTEAD of the romance. If I wasn't clear that the weekend was the romance is it possible, she missed that point too? The acting out manipulating BS & failing to understand you were sick on Christmas would send me packing personally.
Emilia Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 The problem with me is the "it might get better" state of mind or "every girl i had treated me like crap maybe its always going to be like this" or the whole showing my face in public after something i backed thouroughly failed. You are both too immature for a relationship
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 This is a girl who throws a strop and refuses to talk to me for a week if i cant turn up 2 hours late to work so i can drop her off at work and drop her to the station instead. This is the girl who wanders off when shopping and when text asking where she is says to "come here or im going home" "well where is here and ill come" "whatever im going home" and leaves. This is the girl who tells me all about her friends being all over guys in clubs yet when i tell her that my friend messaged the group chat saying hes the best at pulling she flips out. This is the girl who was messaging guys on facebook and then told me he was gay without me even asking, only for the next week to start bitching about how ugly his gf is. This is the girl who plasters all her nights out with friends and lads ive never seen before over her instagram and facebook but refuses to put any mention of me anywhere near any profile. This is the girl who flipped out and demanded i apologise, told all her friends and family im cheating and shes leaving me because i messaged my friends gf asking where they were. This is the girl that will always tell anyone who asks what shes doing or up to later when were together or have plans, tell them that shes just "going home" or "having a night in" This is the girl who told everyone at her work that im cheating because i went out with friends and had a photo with my 2 mates and the 2 girls they were seeing. She broke up with me previously cause i apparently looked at a girl despite me pointing out she looks at guys all the time and i dont mind or make a fuss. For heaven's sake why do you want a woman like that in your life??? 5
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Where the hell did you pull this answer from?! If you actually read the post you can see that i havent treated her in any way and she says so all the time and apologises for "she doesnt know what came over her". This is a girl who throws a strop and refuses to talk to me for a week if i cant turn up 2 hours late to work so i can drop her off at work and drop her to the station instead. This is the girl who wanders off when shopping and when text asking where she is says to "come here or im going home" "well where is here and ill come" "whatever im going home" and leaves. This is the girl who tells me all about her friends being all over guys in clubs yet when i tell her that my friend messaged the group chat saying hes the best at pulling she flips out. This is the girl who was messaging guys on facebook and then told me he was gay without me even asking, only for the next week to start bitching about how ugly his gf is. This is the girl who plasters all her nights out with friends and lads ive never seen before over her instagram and facebook but refuses to put any mention of me anywhere near any profile. This is the girl who flipped out and demanded i apologise, told all her friends and family im cheating and shes leaving me because i messaged my friends gf asking where they were. This is the girl that will always tell anyone who asks what shes doing or up to later when were together or have plans, tell them that shes just "going home" or "having a night in" This is the girl who told everyone at her work that im cheating because i went out with friends and had a photo with my 2 mates and the 2 girls they were seeing. She broke up with me previously cause i apparently looked at a girl despite me pointing out she looks at guys all the time and i dont mind or make a fuss. And you tell me that i treat her wrong? You said you both make each other happy....you are contradicting yourself with all this you have posted. You both are unhappy/unsatisfied with how you treat each other. You are in denial, or you are too much of a coward to get out.
VeveCakes Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 @donnovan I tried to meet her halfway, i booked a hotel room, i was taking her away for the weekend, i was taking her for a meal and drinks. I dont get what your trying to say now. Its not meeting halfway though its me doing everything again and her sitting there and getting all she wanted after throwing up all this drama. Shes basically acted out and told me shes going to walk away to get me to do what she wants which she seems to do every single week now and its getting so much more frequent. A weekend away is a great vday present. So what did she want instead? 1
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