Emilia Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks Zippy, I totally get that mentality and the whole, well I'm already out, make the best of it, I have definitely done that too. And maybe thats what it was. I think what I am just frustrated with is the fact that he kept telling me I was beautiful so complimentary, and initiating not just one, but many kisses. So, there is just no need to go that far in putting on an act. Who knows, he may very well have been interested, and then changed his mind in the light of day. Alas, the never ending questions and possibilities of dating.. If a guy keeps complimenting me on my looks I thank him but each time try to stear him towards substance. That usually stops everyone getting carried away and makes it very clear whether he actually wants to get to know me. Agree with the others, chalk it up to experience. In OLD the first meet isn't a date. Don't contact him again
jen1447 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I think drawing conclusions after one date and two texts is needlessly jumping the gun. Why not just ask him on another date (directly - not this hinting and expecting him to do the heavy lifting stuff) and see what he says? You'll know what's up after that, anything else is just guessing. 2
katiegrl Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry I must have missed something. Honest about what? I agree with this ^^. After one date, did you expect him to call you and tell you he's not into you enough to pursue further? If so, that's an unrealistic expectation after only one date IMO. After one date, if a guy doesn't contact you again or ask you out, suffice it to say he's not interested. Nothing needs to be said after only one date (or in this case, a first "meet"). Unless you contacted him and asked him out. In that case, then yes he should respond back thanking you for the invite, but telling you sorry he's not interested in pursuing further. So I agree with jen.... ask him out again and see what he says. Hey maybe he will accept! Edited February 10, 2016 by katiegrl
Emilia Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) The OP contacted the guy twice, he never reached out. First time his response was a thumbs up emoji Edited February 10, 2016 by Emilia
katiegrl Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 The OP contacted the guy twice, he never reached out. First time his response was a thumbs up emoji I realize that but apparently she needs some sort of closure (like him actually telling her he's not interested)....so if she were to ask him out, if/when he turns her down (which I suspect he will).... she will then have her closure. Or, he could just ignore her, which brings her right back to where she was before she asked him out....maybe feeling even worse. I wouldn't do it.... but again, if she needs some sort of verbal affirmation that he's not interested, then she might get it that way. Just a suggestion.
Emilia Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 nah, not everyone read the opening post properly, me thinks. I hope the OP isn't after closure just because she met some guy once.
jen1447 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Or, he could just ignore her, which brings her right back to where she was before she asked him out....maybe feeling even worse. Actually she'd know then too and could just shrug her shoulders and go. Right now she's had two text exchanges - both initiated by her and neither very satisfactory but exchanges nonetheless - that don't shed much conclusive light on the matter. So many of these quandries could quickly be resolved if women would just women up and say "hey do you want to see me anymore?" or "is something wrong" or whatever instead of trying to interpret tea leaves. 1
katiegrl Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) Actually she'd know then too and could just shrug her shoulders and go. Right now she's had two text exchanges - both initiated by her and neither very satisfactory but exchanges nonetheless - that don't shed much conclusive light on the matter. So many of these quandries could quickly be resolved if women would just women up and say "hey do you want to see me anymore?" or "is something wrong" or whatever instead of trying to interpret tea leaves. Yah hopefully that is what she would do.... but then again, she could also wrack her brain thinking -- Maybe he didn't receive my text? Maybe he's just too busy to respond and will later? Maybe something bad happened and he's lying in a ditch somewhere calling my name? LOL Being ignored is the worst! Leaves us with so many unanswered questions.... I hope he doesn't do that (should she choose to contact him again asking him out). Edited February 10, 2016 by katiegrl
jen1447 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 ^ All it takes to get beyond that is to be honest w/yourself tho bc the truth is pretty obvious when you open your eyes. But the "hm, he hasn't texted off his own initiative in 2 days after a good date following an emoji text before a term paper etc., etc., what does it mean????" is a diff story. 1
katiegrl Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 ^ All it takes to get beyond that is to be honest w/yourself tho bc the truth is pretty obvious when you open your eyes. But the "hm, he hasn't texted off his own initiative in 2 days after a good date following an emoji text before a term paper etc., etc., what does it mean????" is a diff story. Oh I absolutely agree! Personally speaking.... my eyes are always wide open.... but in reading so many posts from women on this forum.... I have come to believe that unfortunately many women refuse to open their eyes.... and continue to hold out hope justifying and excusing bad or disinterested behavior. And remember, the "good date" they had was her own version of it. What I have also learned is that two people can be on the same date, but have two entirely different experiences. 2
strawberryshortstack Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 We met at a nice hotel for drinks and he said, I dont want you to think I've got any ideas because we're meeting at a hotel etc ... and I think (naively) I bought what he was selling and thought, he actually may be a nice guy. Apparently not. Actually take that back, that doesnt mean he isnt a nice guy, he just should have been honest about what he was looking for. Just because he entertained the idea of you inviting him over doesn't mean that's ALL he was looking for. He might have been interested initially in seeing if a relationship was in the cards, met you and realized it wasn't, but was still open to the idea of having some fun at the end of the date. It doesn't make him a bad person necessarily, but it also doesn't mean this was all he was after.
thecrucible Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 I agree with everyone's kind advice here. Please don't analyse too much and think it was anything to do with you. For some reason, you didn't push his buttons. That's okay. It's better he opt out now and you can move on and find someone who is fully into you and would ultimately be a better bf anyway. So that's it and onto next. That's the best perspective to have. Once you aren't talking to each other or seeing each other anymore then that's it and they are out of your mind. If I didn't think this way with dates, I have to say that I would totally go mad about it all. It sounds weird but treat it like you didn't get offered the job after the interview - you don't know completely what went wrong but all you've got to do is focus on the next job application.
thecrucible Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 What I have also learned is that two people can be on the same date, but have two entirely different experiences. Exactly. And if they can't see your potential, then they are not for you anyway. Clinically, I treat that as a good reason to not worry. If I want a really deep connection with a man, and ultimately I do, then it's fundamental that he sees me as someone worthy of his pursuit. If he doesn't, it's a non-starter anyway. I swear the best lesson of my twenties so far has been the realisation that I can let go of something and accept that not all doors will be open to me but that doesn't mean I need to be down on myself. I'm not suggesting you are down on yourself at all, OP. I am just trying to make positive spin of the situation and I hope that on reflection you will draw a line under it and start to feel eager for your next date with the next eligible suitor. TL; DR: You never know what's going on in someone else's head. We all experience the world differently. It's not worth analysing something we can't fully comprehend. So you focus on you and wanting to get the best out of life and dating.
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