Kate3937 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I am not a games type person, but I know thats how it tends to work. I like to know where I stand but am just a bit confused at the moment. I recently went out with a guy on Friday evening, he's 31, I'm 29. We met at 6:30, set out for drinks and then ended up getting dinner and more drinks, didnt get home till after 1. We had such a great time, amazing conversation, talked about everything under the sun with no awkward silences, very flirty, and lots of kisses and just kept making excuses to stay later. He was so complimentary, and it was just that classic great first date that rarely happens. I texted him to let him know I got home and thanked him, said I had a lovely time. He didnt check whatsapp till Saturday morning but when he did respond, it was a "thumbs up" emoji.... which I thought was a little weird but hey ho He is studying for an MBA on weekends and knew he was busy so I didnt say anything else. Sunday evening I asked him how studying was. we texted for a bit seemed ok, and then I went to bed. Its now Wednesday and haven't heard from him since. I feel like we had such a good connection that I am expecting (I know dont expect anything) for him to ask me out again. Am I just being super antsy because I like this guy and should trust that he will be in touch? Should I initiate again, or go with the flow and take a back seat?
katiegrl Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) I am not a games type person, but I know thats how it tends to work. I like to know where I stand but am just a bit confused at the moment. I recently went out with a guy on Friday evening, he's 31, I'm 29. We met at 6:30, set out for drinks and then ended up getting dinner and more drinks, didnt get home till after 1. We had such a great time, amazing conversation, talked about everything under the sun with no awkward silences, very flirty, and lots of kisses and just kept making excuses to stay later. He was so complimentary, and it was just that classic great first date that rarely happens. I texted him to let him know I got home and thanked him, said I had a lovely time. He didnt check whatsapp till Saturday morning but when he did respond, it was a "thumbs up" emoji.... which I thought was a little weird but hey ho He is studying for an MBA on weekends and knew he was busy so I didnt say anything else. Sunday evening I asked him how studying was. we texted for a bit seemed ok, and then I went to bed. Its now Wednesday and haven't heard from him since. I feel like we had such a good connection that I am expecting (I know dont expect anything) for him to ask me out again. Am I just being super antsy because I like this guy and should trust that he will be in touch? Should I initiate again, or go with the flow and take a back seat? No hun .....I think you should presume that, while it may have appeared the connection was mutual, he had a different experience on the date, and wasn't quite as enthralled as you were (are). Sounds like he *went through the motions* ....but when he woke up next day, realized he wasn't feeling it. It happens that way sometimes. Sorry. Edited February 10, 2016 by katiegrl 3
smudge21 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Yep, agree with Katiegrl here (two Katie's in one message...!) and I've been exactly where you are - you meet someone, have a great connection, perfect time, it all seems to be heading in the direction you want them BAM, it's over and you're left wondering if you did something wrong or whatever. Sadly there's often no real answer, sometimes as much as we want something or feel something, the other person simply doesn't or changes their mind. You may find he reaches out to you at a later date, but for now, please try not to overthink it or focus on it too much. I made that mistake. Go live your life, hang with friends, maybe find another date. You can't make someone feel the same way for you as you do for them. 2
Author Kate3937 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks guys, I just keep thinking. He is a busy guy, but at the same time it takes no time at all to set another date. I dont want to make excuses for people and shouldn't especially if they are not interested. I am tempted to reach out one more time, maybe suggest another date, because why not and then I will have a definite answer.
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 He is not interested in pursuing. I have been in his shoes, I had a great date that lasted a long time, then I go home and feel very strongly 'no that's not what I want' and I don't pursue.
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks guys, I just keep thinking. He is a busy guy, but at the same time it takes no time at all to set another date. I dont want to make excuses for people and shouldn't especially if they are not interested. I am tempted to reach out one more time, maybe suggest another date, because why not and then I will have a definite answer. Sweetie, there is not 1 man in the world that would send an happy face as a response to a woman telling him she had a great time. That happy face was saying he appreciated your message but he didn't share your feeling. If he did he would have replied: I had a great time too and would love to do this again soon, or better he would have set the second date with you right away. You are wasting your time. 3
candie13 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 You have reached out twice already and you got The same result. Step back & do something different, like... vanish. If he likes you, he'll let you know. I'd really not push it any further. 1
Author Kate3937 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 On second thought, you guys are right. It is such a stinger, because it was so good Friday! But I have initiated twice. If he were interested he would pursue. Another one bites the dust. NEXT! 3
pidgeon1010 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Glad you're taking that advice. I had something similar happen to me a couple of years ago after a second date. I got a tepid response after telling my date I had a great time and then I also followed up a couple of days later to see how he was doing. He was no longer engaging and didn't make plans for another date. Trust me he knows you're interested; you've initiated contact twice. The writing was on the wall. I disappeared and didn't hear from him. A year or so later I got a random text and couldn't make out the number so I responded and asked who it was. It was him! I guess his dating pool had dried up and he decided I'd be his back up plan. Once he identified himself and asked if I was seeing someone, I blocked him. Good riddance. Ps. It doesn't matter how busy someone is, he/she will make time for the people he/she wants to see. He/she may have to change plans but he/she will at least make the effort to set a date for next time. 1
Zippy2000 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I was that guy, once. I had a great connection with a girl but alas I wasnt attracted to her in real life. Since I was out and she was a stranger. I thought I had to do what was right and that was to have a good night out. Funny thing is though I have to say is whenever Im not into a girl. She ends up being into me. I ve had dates where I get on with people and you can tell with some people they are so uninterested they act disengaged and dont bother trying. I m not saying lead anyone on but just have a good time. That said if soneone doesnt want to pursue it then they should say and be clear and concise.
Author Kate3937 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks Zippy, I totally get that mentality and the whole, well I'm already out, make the best of it, I have definitely done that too. And maybe thats what it was. I think what I am just frustrated with is the fact that he kept telling me I was beautiful so complimentary, and initiating not just one, but many kisses. So, there is just no need to go that far in putting on an act. Who knows, he may very well have been interested, and then changed his mind in the light of day. Alas, the never ending questions and possibilities of dating..
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks Zippy, I totally get that mentality and the whole, well I'm already out, make the best of it, I have definitely done that too. And maybe thats what it was. I think what I am just frustrated with is the fact that he kept telling me I was beautiful so complimentary, and initiating not just one, but many kisses. So, there is just no need to go that far in putting on an act. Who knows, he may very well have been interested, and then changed his mind in the light of day. Alas, the never ending questions and possibilities of dating.. Sounds like he was mainly interested in the possibility you'd invite him over afterward nothing else.
Lorenza Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks Zippy, I totally get that mentality and the whole, well I'm already out, make the best of it, I have definitely done that too. And maybe thats what it was. I think what I am just frustrated with is the fact that he kept telling me I was beautiful so complimentary, and initiating not just one, but many kisses. So, there is just no need to go that far in putting on an act. Who knows, he may very well have been interested, and then changed his mind in the light of day. Alas, the never ending questions and possibilities of dating.. From my dating experience - the most serious guys who are genuinly interested rarely initiate kisses on the first date. 2
Author Kate3937 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Hi Maggie, Yea, I met him on Bumble.
Maggie4 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Hi Maggie, Yea, I met him on Bumble. This happens a lot online. You can't take someone seriously, at least not until a few dates and a few weeks, or else you go crazy wondering. 1
SwordofFlame Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Sounds like he was mainly interested in the possibility you'd invite him over afterward nothing else. I'm inclined to agree that this was very likely. Back to the original topic, I've been on many online dates and I've had this happen to me and I've also done it to people too. I agree with the poster that both parties should just have a good time even if you know you're not quite into the other person.
Author Kate3937 Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 We met at a nice hotel for drinks and he said, I dont want you to think I've got any ideas because we're meeting at a hotel etc ... and I think (naively) I bought what he was selling and thought, he actually may be a nice guy. Apparently not. Actually take that back, that doesnt mean he isnt a nice guy, he just should have been honest about what he was looking for.
truth_seeker Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I am not a games type person, but I know thats how it tends to work. I like to know where I stand but am just a bit confused at the moment. I recently went out with a guy on Friday evening, he's 31, I'm 29. We met at 6:30, set out for drinks and then ended up getting dinner and more drinks, didnt get home till after 1. We had such a great time, amazing conversation, talked about everything under the sun with no awkward silences, very flirty, and lots of kisses and just kept making excuses to stay later. He was so complimentary, and it was just that classic great first date that rarely happens. I texted him to let him know I got home and thanked him, said I had a lovely time. He didnt check whatsapp till Saturday morning but when he did respond, it was a "thumbs up" emoji.... which I thought was a little weird but hey ho He is studying for an MBA on weekends and knew he was busy so I didnt say anything else. Sunday evening I asked him how studying was. we texted for a bit seemed ok, and then I went to bed. Its now Wednesday and haven't heard from him since. I feel like we had such a good connection that I am expecting (I know dont expect anything) for him to ask me out again. Am I just being super antsy because I like this guy and should trust that he will be in touch? Should I initiate again, or go with the flow and take a back seat? I went on a date two weeks ago. Lovely woman, nice time. No kissing, but she told me she wanted to see me again, even went out of her way to text me after the date and initiated texting days later wanting to go out again. I could tell she was very into me. I wasn't into her. It happens. Your guy just wasn't that into you. The thumbs up response caught my attention, too. You use that when you don't know what to say, get out of a conversation with a person. 1
truth_seeker Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 We met at a nice hotel for drinks and he said, I dont want you to think I've got any ideas because we're meeting at a hotel etc ... and I think (naively) I bought what he was selling and thought, he actually may be a nice guy. Apparently not. Actually take that back, that doesnt mean he isnt a nice guy, he just should have been honest about what he was looking for. Con-artists are never honest about what they're looking for... it's up to you to pick up on the scam and drop them.
stillafool Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Thanks Zippy, I totally get that mentality and the whole, well I'm already out, make the best of it, I have definitely done that too. And maybe thats what it was. I think what I am just frustrated with is the fact that he kept telling me I was beautiful so complimentary, and initiating not just one, but many kisses. So, there is just no need to go that far in putting on an act. Who knows, he may very well have been interested, and then changed his mind in the light of day. Alas, the never ending questions and possibilities of dating.. It probably wasn't an act. He probably does think you are beautiful and felt like kissing you in the moment, but he didn't fall for you. I've been out with men who were really good looking but never felt real chemistry with them. I definitely think if he felt the same way you do he couldn't wait to contact you. He hasn't and you should move on. 1
candie13 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 It was only a date, he didn't promise you anything. Learn to keep your expectations in check - the hardest part, I know. You didn't waste too much time, you actually had a fun evening, it just didn't turn out how you wanted. Other than your brused ego, it didn't go too bad . Nobody died from it, don't worry. It's ok to feel a bit of resentment, focus on other dates & projects, you' have forgotten all about him in one week, i'm sure !
stillafool Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 We met at a nice hotel for drinks and he said, I dont want you to think I've got any ideas because we're meeting at a hotel etc ... and I think (naively) I bought what he was selling and thought, he actually may be a nice guy. Apparently not. Actually take that back, that doesnt mean he isnt a nice guy, he just should have been honest about what he was looking for. I'm sorry I must have missed something. Honest about what?
SSJROMANCE Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I would wait a week. If you haven't heard from him touch base and ask him if he would like to meet up somewhere. The ball is then in his court.
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