AMJ Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I've been talking to this guy online since last summer. We've never even met. We tried to go out before Thanksgiving, but he had a last minute work trip come up and had to fly away somewhere. Then we chatted again, but he travels a bunch for work, was traveling during the holidays, and now it's February. I ask if he still wants to try to meet, and right away, he said sure, and planned a date within three days. He wanted to take me to dinner. For anyone who read my recent coffee date rant, I didn't even have to explain that I hate coffee dates. Well, tonight, about three hours before we are supposed to meet, he messages me asking if we can push our date back an hour. He's driving to see me from an hour away, and we had already planned to meet at 8. Now he wants to meet at 9. As lame as it sounds, starting a date at 9pm on a weeknight is not ideal for me, especially a first date. I'm usually asleep by 9:30 or 10, and I'd feel terrible if we're on a date and I'm exhausted. Not the best first impression. Plus, I'd feel obligated to stay out with him for longer than an hour or so because he drove so far to meet me. I offered to meet him halfway, but he insisted on coming all the way to me. Which is really thoughtful. But also, the last time a guy started changing the time of a date on me he turned out to be a huge *******. I feel like these are just bad signs. Rescheduling and pushing back times of dates... I completely understand what it's like to have a demanding job and how that can impact your dating life. I've been there. But I also didn't really date, because I didn't want to put anyone else through my hectic schedule. Or if I did commit to a date, I'd make absolute sure I could keep it. I just don't really know what this means, and why men keep doing this. This kind of thing never happened when I was younger, before OLD. Partially I think OLD makes it easier for us to be flaky and inconsiderate, but also, part of being older is having a demanding job. He agreed to reschedule the date to Thursday, but I'm not even sure if I want to go out with him anymore. Does he not want to meet me? Or am I overthinking this and he just got held up at work?
CarrieT Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 You are being catfished... Walk away, please. 1
yxalitis Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I've been talking to this guy online since last summer. We've never even met. We tried to go out before Thanksgiving, but he had a last minute work trip come up and had to fly away somewhere. Then we chatted again, but he travels a bunch for work, was traveling during the holidays, and now it's February. I ask if he still wants to try to meet, and right away, he said sure, and planned a date within three days. He wanted to take me to dinner. For anyone who read my recent coffee date rant, I didn't even have to explain that I hate coffee dates. Well, tonight, about three hours before we are supposed to meet, he messages me asking if we can push our date back an hour. He's driving to see me from an hour away, and we had already planned to meet at 8. Now he wants to meet at 9. As lame as it sounds, starting a date at 9pm on a weeknight is not ideal for me, especially a first date. I'm usually asleep by 9:30 or 10, and I'd feel terrible if we're on a date and I'm exhausted. Not the best first impression. Plus, I'd feel obligated to stay out with him for longer than an hour or so because he drove so far to meet me. I offered to meet him halfway, but he insisted on coming all the way to me. Which is really thoughtful. But also, the last time a guy started changing the time of a date on me he turned out to be a huge *******. I feel like these are just bad signs. Rescheduling and pushing back times of dates... I completely understand what it's like to have a demanding job and how that can impact your dating life. I've been there. But I also didn't really date, because I didn't want to put anyone else through my hectic schedule. Or if I did commit to a date, I'd make absolute sure I could keep it. I just don't really know what this means, and why men keep doing this. This kind of thing never happened when I was younger, before OLD. Partially I think OLD makes it easier for us to be flaky and inconsiderate, but also, part of being older is having a demanding job. He agreed to reschedule the date to Thursday, but I'm not even sure if I want to go out with him anymore. Does he not want to meet me? Or am I overthinking this and he just got held up at work? You haven't even met, so he has no idea at this stage if you're even compatible (No amount of texting can replace the actual meeting). I'd give him just one more chance, but ANY delay and I'd be home watching [insert TV show here] nursing an overfull glass of red.
Author AMJ Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Seriously! WTF even is catfishing? It's a person who uses fake photos and makes a profile...like, why? Other than the guy on here who is doing it as a social experiment. I'm starting to feel way older than I actually am when people tell me things like "you're being catfished". Is it just a fun joke to play on people, or does the guy show up on the date and laugh at you, or..does he hope you'll like him anyway? WTF is catfishing?
Maggie4 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 He's driving an hour to see you. For me, I would say sure! push back one hour no problem. two hours ok too. That's just me, very easy going, as long as I don't have to drive, ha ha. Actually another hour for him to get home, right? You have nothing to lose, while he might make the trip for nothing.
The Poster Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 You haven't even met, so he has no idea at this stage if you're even compatible (No amount of texting can replace the actual meeting). I'd give him just one more chance, but ANY delay and I'd be home watching [insert TV show here] nursing an overfull glass of red. I'm with you. Give him one more shot. If he cancels or wants to reschedule, move on.
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Me personally wouldn't have invested months of chatting just to try and get a date out of some guy.....NAY!
Toodaloo Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Sounds to me like you have a lovely little pen pal there... Really this is not worth it. Just let it go. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Why do people catfish? The excitement, the romance, getting to be whoever they want to pretend to be online, because they're bored in their relationships and enjoy the excitement of online romance...the possibilities are endless. There are PLENTY of married and/or otherwise committed men online looking to live vicariously through the online personas they've created, but have no intention of leaving their houses to actually meet the people they're romancing online. It's just a fun fantasy for them, so they create this oh so busy career and social life that unfortunately just keeps getting in the way of them finally getting to meet you. The guy supposedly lives a freakin' hour away - yet in ALL this time (6 months!!!!) he hasn't ONCE been able to find one lousy available Saturday night to meet you? And the one or two times you DID have planned, he miraculously got whisked away for work? Seriously? And here you are again, getting the same bullsh*t excuses for why he can't show up on time due to that crazy career of his. What the hell - is he the CEO of Disney or something? And now it's been pushed off to Thursday - which he'll start hemming and hawing about either Wednesday night or during the day on Thursday, how work has once again reared its ugly head. He's either married or catfishing you because he's really an overweight personality-disordered shut-in who lives in his mom's basement and hasn't seen the sun in 2 years.
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Stuff happens. Pushing it back an hour would not have set me off. But I would have wanted to know why & where he was when he made the request. If he hadn't left where he was I would have changed dates. If he was closer to you & calling from the car due to traffic etc. no problem. I don't think you are being catfished per se but talking since the summer & taking until February to reschedule a meeting that was supposed to take place before Thanksgiving seems like a ridiculously long time. I don't really understand why you wouldn't have met before September. Time may have killed all the intrigue here.
kendahke Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Does he not want to meet me? Or am I overthinking this and he just got held up at work? Honestly? He sounds like a catfish. In my own experience with one, they can come up with a trillion reasons why they can't meet you--and it's because they're behind a computer screen in Ghana. The one I dealt with had a local area code on his phone, but it was a front company that would route his calls back to Ghana. For me, if they don't want to meet within ten days, they have no intention on meeting you. They just either want to waste your time or they're slowly grooming you to set you up to start demanding money. I'd cancel and block him. You started talking in the summer of last year and it's almost the middle of February? No. He's had more than enough time to make a meeting happen. If he's too busy to date then he needs to not date someone who lives a great distance away.
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Nay nay and nay again. Of all the possible scenarios, the likelihood that this will end well must be extremely low. Either he's a catfish, or married. The idea he's interested yet it's taken this long to meet you us ludicrous. How often do unexpected last minute business trips really happen? And just when you planned to meet. If I had £1000 and I had to split it and keep an amount where I'm right, I'd put £975 on him being dodgy.
kendahke Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) Seriously! WTF even is catfishing? It's a person who uses fake photos and makes a profile...like, why? Other than the guy on here who is doing it as a social experiment. I'm starting to feel way older than I actually am when people tell me things like "you're being catfished". Is it just a fun joke to play on people, or does the guy show up on the date and laugh at you, or..does he hope you'll like him anyway? WTF is catfishing? He doesn't show up period. Catfishing is another name for romance scamming. They are criminals, not hapless, busy, lovelorn nincompoops. Why do they do it? THEY ARE CRIMINALS. They are after your money. Period. Fin. They emotionally groom you to get you to the point where they fabricate an emergency as a rouse to get you to send them money that you will never get back. Demand a meeting on your time table by the end of this week. If he balks or cancels, be done with him. Edited February 10, 2016 by kendahke
VeveCakes Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I would suck it up and go and stay out later than normal. A little lack of sleep is a mild sacrifice in the name of love
Zippy2000 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 We dont know if she has been catfished. I ve only read the rist post and not the others as I on my break at work. Your scenario reminds me of a girl I know. Met her in summer. Talked, and talked al the way through and finally met up after 11 months. It can happen but sometimes you need to communicate 9pm is way to late or maybe trya day that your off work. The very fact he is still talking to you he must still like you. I wouldnt text or contact someone I dont like. What are you looking for from all this?
Author AMJ Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 6 nays and 5 yays. I met him on eharmony. It's actually been the norm to take about 3 months to go out with someone from eharmony. The process is painstakingly slow because you have to answer all these questions and go back and forth through different stages before you can email each other. At first it was a refreshing contrast to Tinder, but then it became frustrating how long it takes to go out with people. And now it's like, all action has stopped completely because people just aren't using it anymore. It's not like he and I were exchanging tons of lengthy emails. Basically we answered all the questions, got to the email stage, and then he asked me out. I would think that you wouldn't find cat fishing on sites people need to pay for. But then again I did meet a guy on Match last year who had a girlfriend he lied about.
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 But then again I did meet a guy on Match last year who had a girlfriend he lied about. Wow that sucks.....me personally there are better ways to meet someone and that is going out and socializing.
Author AMJ Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 Wow that sucks.....me personally there are better ways to meet someone and that is going out and socializing. If you like to meet men in bars, great for you!
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 6 nays and 5 yays. I met him on eharmony. It's actually been the norm to take about 3 months to go out with someone from eharmony. Unless they added a bunch of steps since I was on there, it shouldn't take even 1 month. I got through all the steps to real contact off their site in less than a week. Your pace indicates to me somebody wasn't motivated. Given how expensive that site is, I agree that catfish is a bit more unlikely but something is definitely off here.
kendahke Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I met him on eharmony. I would think that you wouldn't find cat fishing on sites people need to pay for. Your experience is better than mine. I got crickets on eharmony. See if he changes your plans for Thursday--then you'll know for sure. Seems to me that someone who really wants to meet you will do it within 8 months time if they live close enough to you.
Author AMJ Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 Annnnnd I just canceled on him. LOL. 1
AverageJoe1986 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 Annnnnd I just canceled on him. LOL. Did you have a last minute business trip?
Yookie Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 If you like to meet men in bars, great for you! You can socialize without going to bars. Join a karate/dance/fitness/any type of community class or an activity club (bicycling, skating, gun club, tree tenders etc). These are very social and open doors to meeting a lot of people. Expanding your social circle will inevitably lead to more opportunities to meet men in organic settings or being introduced to them by the new friends you make. Plus you have the opportunity to get to know some of them in a relaxed setting without the dating pressure. 1
Author AMJ Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 Did you have a last minute business trip? Something like that. He so graciously understood and wants to try to meet next week.
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