Author TheBathWater Posted February 17, 2016 Author Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) What do you guys think about this one... She forgot her Valentine's rose at my place and then forgot it again in my car. So a couple of days later on my way home from work I decided to drive by her house and drop it off since her place is on my route. I pulled up to her place and she was in the car with a guy. I didn't make a scene. She got out and told me it was a coworker who was dropping her off from work (which it was) and that he was giving her dating advice, and that he is going through something similar in his relationship as to what she is with me. He then got out and said "nothing's going on man" and was putting up his hands like he was innocent. I felt awkward. She kissed me and took the rose and went inside, and he and I both drove away. Thoughts? Edited February 17, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine
joseb Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) The fact that she forgot to take the flower, twice, tells you something. The fact that she feels it's ok to have a male work colleague around at her house discussing her relationship would tell me all I needed know. And that's assuming it's all innocent, which I highly doubt. She's a serial cheater. Why would she be different now? Edited February 18, 2016 by joseb 1
Author TheBathWater Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) The fact that she forgot to take the flower, twice, tells you something. The fact that she feels it's ok to have a male work colleague around at her house discussing her relationship would tell me all I needed know. And that's assuming it's all innocent, which I highly doubt. She's a serial cheater. Why would she be different now? She says she realized she forgot the flower when she got home, but she never did bring it up with me through text. I actually brought it up with her. They were in the car talking in front of her house. She doesn't drive, so she gets rides home from coworkers when possible. They must have been talking for a little while though, because there is roughly a 45 minute time gap unaccounted for. I just happened to pull up at the right time. Even if it was innocent, I am still bothered she is discussing our relationship issues with him and not me! After all, her lack of communication with me was what perturbed a lot of this crap to begin with. She is still by and large not processing emotional issues with me, but apparently is doing so with others. So even if it's innocent, something is still off there. She told me last night she is still confused and unsure about the two of us, but that she is leaning more toward yes. She denies that there is anyone else on the back burner. She says she actually wants to meet my father. I'm thinking no steps forward with her on my end until she demonstrates she wants this. No 'uncertainty' talk. I kind of want to find an opportunity to ask her to give me her phone. I've never had to do that with a woman before. I feel like seeing her texts with these guy 'friends' of hers would tell me everything I need to know. Is that even okay to ask? Edited February 18, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine
joseb Posted February 18, 2016 Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) No I don't agree with demanding to see someones phone. If she is innocent, that would be the last straw I think. If she is guilty, she will act even more outraged and call you needy and controlling. I really don't see this ending well. Look, you are only a couple of months into this. Do you want to spend months or years stressing like this? Relationships at this stage should be easy and fun. If they are not, that's a sign that they are not going to work. Honestly, I don't see why you are trying so hard to "save" this. Do you struggle with attachment/codependency issues? If someone told me they were "confused" so early I'd take that as not that into me. Edited February 18, 2016 by joseb
Author TheBathWater Posted February 18, 2016 Author Posted February 18, 2016 No I don't agree with demanding to see someones phone. If she is innocent, that would be the last straw I think. If she is guilty, she will act even more outraged and call you needy and controlling. I really don't see this ending well. Look, you are only a couple of months into this. Do you want to spend months or years stressing like this? Relationships at this stage should be easy and fun. If they are not, that's a sign that they are not going to work. Honestly, I don't see why you are trying so hard to "save" this. Do you struggle with attachment/codependency issues? If someone told me they were "confused" so early I'd take that as not that into me. I decided to end it. Then while I was dropping her off at her house I just had a feeling, so I said "give me your phone". Low and behold... she gave her number to a guy she met at her cafe workplace (just like how she met me), was flirting and making plans for a coffee date. I saw other texts with other men too but didn't need more evidence. Over. Codependency and attachment issues, yes. I've gotten better at it over time but I find that whenever it flares up this extreme now there is a reason like this. My gut has always been right. I just am tired of dating and want a relationship so bad that I overlook the obvious sometimes. I hope I will be wiser next time. 2
Koans Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 "Im confused" = Theres another person always involved.
joseb Posted February 19, 2016 Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) I decided to end it. Then while I was dropping her off at her house I just had a feeling, so I said "give me your phone". Low and behold... she gave her number to a guy she met at her cafe workplace (just like how she met me), was flirting and making plans for a coffee date. I saw other texts with other men too but didn't need more evidence. Over. Codependency and attachment issues, yes. I've gotten better at it over time but I find that whenever it flares up this extreme now there is a reason like this. My gut has always been right. I just am tired of dating and want a relationship so bad that I overlook the obvious sometimes. I hope I will be wiser next time. Glad you ended it. I was 95% sure she was up to no good but I guess you never know. I think you need to chill out a bit in your quest for a relationship. It's a cliche, but unless you can be happy alone you are just going to latch onto bad situations like this and put up with all kinds of shyte. As someone who also used to have codependency issues, I can honestly say one year out of a ltr I've literally never been happier. It will take one hell of an amazing woman for me to go back to all that Edited February 19, 2016 by joseb
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