thebear1490 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 So I saw a few threads about everyone's NC experiences, rules, and processes. But I am more interested in the end results: Such as how long did you go NC for? How did your ex reach out if they did at all? Did you get you and your ex get back together? Did you guys stay back together or breakup again? Things like that. Would love to hear everyone's answers.
DarkHorizon Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 So I saw a few threads about everyone's NC experiences, rules, and processes. But I am more interested in the end results: Such as how long did you go NC for? How did your ex reach out if they did at all? Did you get you and your ex get back together? Did you guys stay back together or breakup again? Things like that. Would love to hear everyone's answers. Bear, you do understand that NC is NOT about reconciliation, yes? It is just to help your healing process, and not to be used as a tool for manipulating your ex into contacting you. 6
Ben123325 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Me and my girlfriend dated for 5 years on and off. We broke up about a month ago and I was devastated and I begged for about a week and gave up once I came across the no contact method. I though I would give it a try so I did. I also used the covert jealousy method where you post pics on Facebook of you going out on dates with other girls or just hanging with groups of friends showing you are moving on. Well after using both of those methods for about 3 weeks out of the blue she contacted me and we talked through things and within just a few days we got back together. I highly suggest you use NC and covert jealousy in conjunction together because it will drive them absolutely crazy! My break up was a disaster and the way she was talking to me after while I was begging made it seem like nothing could fix it. But it still worked. So I highly suggest it. If she really loved you and the whole relationship wasn't and entire disaster I'll give it a 99% chance of working... Just make sure you don't break no contact no matter what she does or says to you. If she rebounds it sucks but swallow the pain and focus on you amd your life. Keep your head up. It worked for me and I'm sure it will do the same for you!
Author thebear1490 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Bear, you do understand that NC is NOT about reconciliation, yes? It is just to help your healing process, and not to be used as a tool for manipulating your ex into contacting you. Yeah of course. Its just out of curiosity.
edel Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 NC is for you to get over the person, not for you hoping they want you back. Believe me, in 99% of the cases taking back an ex isn't a good idea. I have been where you are, and I remember saying 'No, our case is completely different' and it wasn't. When an ex broke up with me and wanted me back three months later, I agreed to take him back. We dated for another year, then he dumped me again out of the blue, exactly the way he did it the first time. Another ex also wanted me back after like two months, but I said no. I wouldn't do that again. One chance is enough. I think a lot of exes are coming back after their ex-partner goes NC. But most of the time they only come back because they didn't find anyone better, or because they're bored, or because they're used to you so they don't wanna give up on you yet, even though they know it won't work. 3
Author thebear1490 Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Sorry my i didn't finish my post. Yeah of course. Its just out of curiosity. The NC has helped me tremendously. I am striving to become the best version of myself. I even started to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin. I am just curious if anybody ended getting back with their ex because I do believe that some breakups happen for million other reasons than falling out of love. "Life Happens" and for some, these breakups need to happen, like a wake-up call. Like a a snake shedding its old skin if you will. So both parties can change, go through self-awareness, realize what they had, become better people etc etc and possibly get back together and move on as a stronger couple than before. Attachment vs Love Because you have to move one regardless of your situation. If you put yourself on hold or keep holding onto hope you're just delaying your healing process and screwing yourself over. You'll just be back at square 1 if your ex never reaches out and you're just waiting. So I understand that. I am just curious what the outcomes were since I haven't found many threads talking about the results. I apologize if the title was misleading
edel Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Sorry my i didn't finish my post. Yeah of course. Its just out of curiosity. The NC has helped me tremendously. I am striving to become the best version of myself. I even started to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin. I am just curious if anybody ended getting back with their ex because I do believe that some breakups happen for million other reasons than falling out of love. "Life Happens" and for some, these breakups need to happen, like a wake-up call. Like a a snake shedding its old skin if you will. So both parties can change, go through self-awareness, realize what they had, become better people etc etc and possibly get back together and move on as a stronger couple than before. Attachment vs Love Because you have to move one regardless of your situation. If you put yourself on hold or keep holding onto hope you're just delaying your healing process and screwing yourself over. You'll just be back at square 1 if your ex never reaches out and you're just waiting. So I understand that. I am just curious what the outcomes were since I haven't found many threads talking about the results. I apologize if the title was misleading Yes, breakups do happen many times for other reasons than falling out of love. That doesn't make it better though. The person left you because he or she didn't want to be with you anymore, for whatever reason. If two people dated as teenagers and broke up, and years later they meet again and reconcile it's different, but if an adult breaks up with another one, in most cases it really isn't a good idea to get back together, even if the person realizes she/he made a mistake. People are complicated and cannot change most of the times. Literally all people I know who started seeing their ex again are already broken up again. Including me. Plus, you want someone who makes you feel safe, not someone who breaks up with you and where you have to fear that it will happen again. 1
Satu Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 You can't make somebody want something they don't want. Not by the use of NC or any other strategy. 3
mightycpa Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) So I saw a few threads about everyone's NC experiences, rules, and processes. But I am more interested in the end results: Such as how long did you go NC for? How did your ex reach out if they did at all? Did you get you and your ex get back together? Did you guys stay back together or breakup again? Things like that. Would love to hear everyone's answers.If you do it right, the rate at which you reconnect with an ex would be ZERO. So far, my longest NC record is approaching 40 years; the one after that, 35 years; the one after that, 32 years, then about 30 years and so on and so forth. It's actually quite natural for an ex to drop completely out of your life. It's an almost necessary part of moving on. Edited February 9, 2016 by mightycpa 1
K2z Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I can only speak from personal experience -- but I think the bulk of "ex back" wisdom out there is snake oil. When a partner -- especially a woman, I dare say (speaking as a man) reaches the point of dumping, he/she has truly crossed a rubicon. I think it is very rare indeed, though not completely impossible, to win that person back. Dumping someone is like pouring ink into the swimming pool. You can hypothetically make that water swimmable again, but it will take Herculean effort from both sides, not to mention the will. 1
tulum Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 NC has worked for me temporarily probably 3x. twice with same guy,once with a diff guy. but in the end,it still didn't work out but I got him back for a couple months which was fine cz now I know for sure its done.
candie13 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 pfff... in all honesty, the few times when NC worked, it worked with the wrong people, people no one wants back in their lives. I have come to the conclusion that if things don't work out, it's because there's a higher reason. In all honesty, there are no rules. NC may work, or it may not work. In my case, leaving the past behind it's what worked best every single time. best of luck to you Cheers 2
portwine Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 NC has worked for me temporarily probably 3x. twice with same guy,once with a diff guy. but in the end,it still didn't work out but I got him back for a couple months which was fine cz now I know for sure its done. Same here. I used no contact "to get an ex back" and it worked......but only temporarily. The only reason it worked was because of the strong physical chemistry between my ex and me, which is something that she still misses from time to time. However, she has decided that no contact is what she will adhere to because it's too hard too move on if we still maintain contact. I am the one who wants her back. The way I see it, a relationship should flow naturally and resorting to trickery and tactics to rekindle a flame flies directly in the face of this natural concept. 1
Brando Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 NC got my ex back for me. She broke up with me after 2 years, then I told her she was a quitter and we should work things out. We stayed together for 2 more weeks and then she told me she felt resentment toward me because she felt like I guilted her into staying with me by saying she quoted on me. I then went NC and about 2 weeks later she told me she missed me via text. We never made it official again, but we hung out everyday like we were still together. Slept together and everything was good. Then she redumped me 3 months later and she went NC on me lol. It does work sometimes, but it's manipulation. I think breaks should be clean as possible. 1
Koans Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 3 years together. Within 6 months, I chased 2 months and she resurfaced on the 6th month tryna add me at the sametime breaking up with her bf. What i noticed is, if you act koo, she will open up. But if the pain creeps back, she will get the hint on the last msg you dont reply. But she will stay connected with you some how. Blocked me on fb but follows me on snap. But i dont reciprocate shiiit back.
fireflywy Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 So I saw a few threads about everyone's NC experiences, rules, and processes. But I am more interested in the end results: Such as how long did you go NC for? How did your ex reach out if they did at all? Did you get you and your ex get back together? Did you guys stay back together or breakup again? Things like that. Would love to hear everyone's answers. Going on three contacts for the entire year. Haven't contacted her since this summer and don't plan to. They DON'T. When a woman is done, they are done unless you are the fallback guy. NO to the last two. NC is about MOVING ON my friend. You will too if you let it happen. Good luck. 1
swang Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 In my recent experience, NC works if you've already reached a point of being over your ex. That is, when your ex eventually reaches out, which she/he highly likely will. You can respond to this indifferently. When your ex reaches out, and you find yourself playing the game of "waiting for their response" or "who replies more often," it would be really damaging to get back together.
drseuss Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 (edited) 10 months r/s , dont think she was truly over her ex broke up 7 months ago and havnt spoken at all since that day ..... nice and strait forward. while i was so devistaed at first true nc has been the best thing and all the times that i felt weak and posted things on here about 'should i contact her ' and all that noncense, looking at things online like success stroys and threads about people whos exs came back. I look back and am so so glad i didnt act on any of the tings i wanted to do at that time , makes me cringe at the thought of some of the things i debated doing and sender her !! dont get me wrong i still thing about her most days but its just life and we must move on and be strong , its a sink or swim situation i guess Edited February 15, 2016 by drseuss
candie13 Posted February 15, 2016 Posted February 15, 2016 It does work sometimes, but it's manipulation. I think breaks should be clean as possible. I would replace the word "break" with "break ups". A lot of people don't talk, keep the suspense going as a form of manipulation, because most likely their partners will need closure, so NC gives them the upper hand. Not giving closure and sticking to NC is cheap and manipulative and it always backfires. I am yet to see NC helping 2 people to get back together, I mean really getting back together and staying together. IMHO, communication does that. NC helps move on and let the past stay in the past.
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